Some people are reducing their walks, however, many health experts say that walking is the best exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances?
Sample Response
Since ancient times, the fundamental principle to remain fit and live a healthy life is in doing physical exercises regularly. These exercises not only help in attaining a good physique but it also improves the metabolism and blood circulation in the body. According to health professionals, strolling daily has a great value in maintaining health but for the past few years, few people have either reduced their walk or quit it completely. This essay will analyse what lead to this cause and what factors can encourage people to increase their walking yards.
People are walking less due to many reasons but primarily it is due to the availability of transport either public or private is abundance. They believe that by using transportation they can save their valuable time. Weather also plays a significant role and people find it really hard to walk in hot, humid and extreme cold climatic conditions. Moreover, they say that due to increased rate of street crimes they have either shortened their walk or quit it completely. Furthermore, people now have access to fitness centres where they can use different equipment and machinery to walk or jog. For them walking alone on streets without a partner is a boring activity.
In order to encourage and motivate people to walk more, one can make walking tracks covered with shades to reduce heat. Walking tracks should be made more beautiful by improving the landscape of the parks such that one should feel refreshing. Advertisement boards should be in place and different activities should be planned to make walking a splendid experience. The government should also hold health awareness programs and should emphasise the importance of walk.
To recapitulate, the aforementioned highlights different factors resulting in reduced walk and suggested few recommendations how things can be improved. It is medically proven that walking is a very good exercise to acquire right balance in body structure and one should do it regularly.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct the preposition Original: principle to remain fit Suggested revision: principle for remaining fit Why it matters: For followed by a gerund correctly expresses the purpose of the principle.
- 2. Use the infinitive Original: is in doing Suggested revision: is to do Why it matters: The infinitive correctly completes the structure after is.
- 3. Use the general noun Original: physical exercises Suggested revision: physical exercise Why it matters: Exercise is normally uncountable when referring to physical activity in general.
- 4. Fix parallel agreement Original: but it also improves Suggested revision: but also improve Why it matters: The plural subject These exercises must govern both parallel verbs.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: strolling daily has a great value in maintaining health Suggested revision: walking daily is highly beneficial for maintaining health Why it matters: The revision uses a more natural collocation while preserving the claim.
- 6. Express the intended quantity Original: few people Suggested revision: some people Why it matters: Few means almost none, whereas the sentence refers to an unspecified group that has reduced or stopped walking.
- 7. Use a natural expression Original: reduced their walk Suggested revision: reduced the amount they walk Why it matters: This phrase accurately describes a decrease in walking activity.
- 8. Fix tense and wording Original: what lead to this cause Suggested revision: what has led to this trend Why it matters: Has led supplies the required tense, and trend is the logical result being explained.
- 9. Use the correct measure Original: walking yards Suggested revision: walking distances Why it matters: Distances is the natural term for how far people walk.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: due to many reasons Suggested revision: for many reasons Why it matters: An action happens for a reason, while due to normally introduces a cause after a noun.
- 11. Repair the clause Original: the availability of transport either public or private is abundance Suggested revision: the abundance of both public and private transport Why it matters: The replacement forms a grammatical noun phrase after due to.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: using transportation Suggested revision: using transport Why it matters: Transport is the more natural uncountable noun in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- principle to remain fit principle for remaining fit
- is in doing is to do
- physical exercises physical exercise
- but it also improves but also improve
- strolling daily has a great value in maintaining health walking daily is highly beneficial for maintaining health
- few people some people
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its clear coverage of both why people walk less and practical ways to encourage more walking. Its main limitation is that many points are listed briefly, while recurring awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to select fewer key reasons and solutions, then develop each with a specific explanation while proofreading sentence structure and collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with several relevant reasons and practical suggestions, although development is sometimes brief.
Explain how the strongest proposed measures would change behaviour instead of adding several lightly developed suggestions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear paragraphing and a logical reasons-to-solutions structure make the response easy to follow despite some mechanical linking.
Use reference and transition devices more naturally and strengthen the internal progression of the solutions paragraph.
Lexical Resource
The response shows sufficient range for the topic, but inaccurate collocations and word choices occur regularly.
Replace awkward phrases such as “walking yards” and “importance of walk” with natural, precise alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the ideas clearly, but agreement, article, and clause errors recur.
Focus proofreading on subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, articles, and complete sentence constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people are reducing their walks, however, many health experts say that walking is the best exercise to maintain health. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.