You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
Sample Response
A community brings people from a diverse culture and economic background together. In my community, many predicaments persist such as illiteracy, health problems, and environmental issues. However, I feel that an ever-increasing gap between rich and poor is most tragic and this can only be curbed by ensuring education for all. Therefore, if I get free time to serve my community, I will educate poor and lower-middle class children. A problem at home affects the whole family. A sheer number of problems in a community also affect people belong to this! Though common problems are being addressed by the authority and their efforts are appreciable, nothing has been done to reduce the social gap in my community. In reality, rich are amassing wealth while poor are becoming poorer. I would like to spend 12-15 hours a month to educate less privileged children to contribute to ensuring their education so that someday they can change their fate. I came from a middle-class family and my parents worked really hard to secure my education. The chance I got made me realise it can change our community and our life. I think the initiative will bring families together and encourage others to help deprived children. In India, the literacy rate is not satisfactory and most poor are illiterate. They do not send their offsprings to schools, while children from rich families study in the best school in town. Thus, the gap between rich and poor is increasing generation after generation and the only education can change the wind. In conclusion, social gaps can only be abridged by education. Hence, I will spend my free times to educate children in my beloved community.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix parallel noun phrase Original: a diverse culture and economic background Suggested revision: diverse cultural and economic backgrounds Why it matters: Parallel adjectives and plural 'backgrounds' correctly describe the range of people.
- 2. Add superlative article Original: is most tragic Suggested revision: is the most serious Why it matters: A superlative used in this comparison requires 'the,' and 'serious' suits a social problem.
- 3. Use natural collocation Original: ensuring Suggested revision: providing Why it matters: 'Providing education' expresses the intended action more naturally.
- 4. Use correct time phrase Original: get Suggested revision: have Why it matters: 'Have free time' is the standard construction for available time.
- 5. Use plural authority Original: authority Suggested revision: authorities Why it matters: The plural 'authorities' is the normal collective reference to responsible public bodies.
- 6. Choose precise adjective Original: appreciable Suggested revision: commendable Why it matters: 'Commendable' clearly means deserving praise, which matches the intended evaluation.
- 7. Add group article Original: In reality, rich are Suggested revision: In reality, the rich are Why it matters: The adjective referring collectively to wealthy people requires 'the.'
- 8. Add group article Original: while poor are becoming poorer Suggested revision: while the poor are becoming poorer Why it matters: The adjective referring collectively to poor people requires 'the.'
- 9. Simplify awkward phrase Original: to contribute to ensuring their education Suggested revision: to help ensure their education Why it matters: The revision expresses the purpose directly and avoids a cumbersome verb sequence.
- 10. Clarify the meaning Original: secure my education Suggested revision: ensure that I received an education Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the parents enabled the writer to be educated.
- 11. Use formal wording Original: The chance I got Suggested revision: The opportunity I received Why it matters: 'Opportunity' and 'received' are more precise in this academic context.
- 12. Clarify pronoun reference Original: realise it can change Suggested revision: realise that education can change Why it matters: Naming 'education' removes the unclear reference of 'it' and supplies the needed clause marker.
Suggested Rewrites
- a diverse culture and economic background diverse cultural and economic backgrounds
- is most tragic is the most serious
- ensuring providing
- get have
- authority authorities
- appreciable commendable
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response directly identifies a practical contribution and develops persuasive reasons through social context, personal experience, and expected community benefits. The main weakness is that its ideas are presented as one continuous block and are sometimes expressed through awkward grammar or overly ambitious vocabulary; the highest-priority improvement is to build clearly separated paragraphs around a focused reason and refine language for natural accuracy.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The proposed action is explicit, and the reasons are relevant, varied, and generally well developed with specific detail.
Remove the brief general digressions and connect every supporting detail more directly to the proposed teaching initiative.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically and linking is generally effective, though absent paragraphing and a few abrupt transitions weaken the structure.
Organise the response into an introduction, distinct reason paragraphs, and a conclusion, with a clear topic sentence for each.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often effective, but several ambitious choices and word forms sound unnatural or inaccurate.
Prefer natural collocations and correct forms, replacing expressions such as change the wind, offsprings, and free times.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used successfully, although recurring errors with articles, plurals, agreement, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Edit each sentence for article use, countable nouns, subject-verb agreement, and complete relative-clause structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.