Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
People have different views about whether we are more or less dependent on others nowadays. In my view, modern life forces us to be more independent than people were in the past.
There are two main reasons why it could be argued that we are more dependent on each other now. Firstly, life is more complex and difficult, especially because the cost of living has increased so dramatically. For example, young adults tend to rely on their parents for help when buying a house. Property prices are higher than ever, and without help it would be impossible for many people to pay a deposit and a mortgage. Secondly, people seem to be more ambitious nowadays, and they want a better quality of life for their families. This means that both parents usually need to work full-time, and they depend on support from grandparents and babysitters for child care.
However, I would agree with those who believe that people are more independent these days. In most countries, families are becoming smaller and more dispersed, which means that people cannot count on relatives as much as they used to. We also have more freedom to travel and live far away from our home towns. For example, many students choose to study abroad instead of going to their local university, and this experience makes them more independent as they learn to live alone. Another factor in this growing independence is technology, which allows us to work alone and from any part of the world.
In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that people now depend on each other more, my own view is that we are more independent than ever.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the contrast Original: more or less dependent on others Suggested revision: more dependent on others or more independent Why it matters: Naming both alternatives directly makes the contrast more precise.
- 2. Use measured wording Original: forces Suggested revision: requires Why it matters: ‘Requires’ expresses necessity without overstating the force involved.
- 3. Use an active structure Original: why it could be argued Suggested revision: why some people argue Why it matters: The active construction is more direct and identifies the people holding the view.
- 4. Use concise vocabulary Original: more dependent on each other now Suggested revision: more interdependent now Why it matters: ‘Interdependent’ concisely expresses mutual dependence.
- 5. Make the wording specific Original: life is more complex and difficult Suggested revision: life is more financially demanding Why it matters: This wording connects the claim more precisely to the following point about living costs.
- 6. Improve the collocation Original: when Suggested revision: with Why it matters: ‘Help with buying’ is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 7. Correct the payment phrase Original: pay a deposit and a mortgage Suggested revision: pay a deposit and make mortgage payments Why it matters: A mortgage is repaid through payments rather than paid as a single item.
- 8. Remove redundant wording Original: depend on support from grandparents and babysitters Suggested revision: rely on grandparents and babysitters Why it matters: ‘Rely on’ already conveys dependence on their support.
- 9. Specify the meaning Original: smaller and more dispersed Suggested revision: smaller and more geographically dispersed Why it matters: Adding ‘geographically’ makes clear that family members live farther apart.
- 10. Use natural phrasing Original: work alone and from any part of the world Suggested revision: work independently from anywhere in the world Why it matters: This is a more natural and concise way to express remote independent work.
Suggested Rewrites
- more or less dependent on others more dependent on others or more independent
- forces requires
- why it could be argued why some people argue
- more dependent on each other now more interdependent now
- life is more complex and difficult life is more financially demanding
- when with
Why this response received Band 8.5
This is a clear, well-controlled response with a consistently stated position, balanced coverage of both views, and relevant examples that progress logically. Its main limitation is that a few claims, especially the point about technology enabling independence, are asserted rather than fully explained; the best improvement would be to deepen these final supporting links and add slightly more precise qualification.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are fully addressed, the position remains clear throughout, and each side is supported with relevant, developed examples.
Deepen the explanation of how technology creates independence and qualify broad claims such as those about most countries.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are organised into focused paragraphs and move through a clear contrast with cohesive devices used smoothly.
Make the final supporting point connect more explicitly to the paragraph's central claim about growing independence.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural, with effective items such as dispersed, mortgage, and quality of life.
Refine occasional broad expressions by choosing more specific language for the social effects of technology and mobility.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with consistently accurate grammar and punctuation.
Maintain this control while varying sentence openings slightly to make the prose even more stylistically flexible.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.