Although it is widely recognized that cars damage the environment, their manufacture and use continue to increase. Why is this the case? How could this increase be controlled?
Sample Response
Across the globe, the automobile industry is booming, despite the fact that many people believe cars are damaging the environment. The following essay will discuss why this is occurring and what can be done to control the situation.
Cars continue to be manufactured these days because they are the most popular, comfortable, and efficient form of transportation that is available to most people. If there were a better option that was more affordable, more efficient, and more widely available, then the majority of people would obviously choose it. Although electric and hybrid cars are now becoming increasingly more common, they are not currently as affordable or as available as normal combustion engine vehicles. Furthermore, the automotive and petroleum industries are multi-billion dollar industries in many countries around the world and provide millions of jobs for people and generate millions of dollars in taxes for governments, and therefore shutting those industries down would be a difficult process.
However, there are some strategies that could be implemented to try to control this issue. Firstly, governments can try to promote the use and manufacture of electric vehicles and other modes of transport that do not burn fossil fuels. Governments could fund further research and design of electric automobiles that harness energy from the sun or that use other alternative forms of energy that do not pollute the earth. Governments can also encourage citizens to use bicycles more often by providing safe cycling zones on roadways, to minimise the risk of accidents with automobiles. Lastly, governments must increase the public transportation infrastructure in their countries and encourage citizens to use it more often by making it cheap and efficient.
In conclusion, the main reasons that people continue to use cars is simply because it is the best option currently available for those who can afford them, and because the automobile and petroleum industries are so huge that it would cause many problems to simply dispose of them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant comparison Original: increasingly more common Suggested revision: increasingly common Why it matters: “Increasingly” already expresses the comparative change, making “more” redundant.
- 2. Use precise vehicle term Original: normal combustion engine vehicles Suggested revision: conventional internal-combustion-engine vehicles Why it matters: This is the standard term for vehicles powered by combustion engines.
- 3. Name the intended change Original: control this issue Suggested revision: curb this increase Why it matters: The proposed measures aim to limit the increase described in the task.
- 4. Correct research collocation Original: research and design of electric automobiles Suggested revision: research into and development of electric automobiles Why it matters: Research is conducted “into” a subject and paired naturally with product development.
- 5. Remove unnecessary comma Original: roadways, to minimise Suggested revision: roadways to minimise Why it matters: The infinitive directly expresses the purpose of providing cycling zones and should not be separated by a comma.
- 6. Correct infrastructure collocation Original: increase the public transportation infrastructure Suggested revision: expand public transport infrastructure Why it matters: Infrastructure is expanded rather than increased in this context.
- 7. Clarify pronoun reference Original: making it cheap and efficient Suggested revision: making public transport affordable and efficient Why it matters: The pronoun “it” could refer to infrastructure rather than the transport service people use.
- 8. Fix subject-verb agreement Original: reasons that people continue to use cars is Suggested revision: reasons people continue to use cars are Why it matters: The plural subject “reasons” requires the plural verb “are”.
- 9. Use accurate industry verb Original: dispose of them Suggested revision: shut them down Why it matters: Industries can be shut down, whereas “dispose of” is used for objects or waste.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Furthermore, the automotive and petroleum industries are multi-billion dollar industries in many countries around the world and provide millions of jobs for people and generate millions of dollars in taxes for governments, and therefore shutting those industries down would be a difficult process. Suggested revision: Furthermore, the automotive and petroleum sectors are multibillion-dollar industries in many countries. They provide millions of jobs and generate millions of dollars in tax revenue, so shutting them down would be difficult. Why it matters: Dividing the long chain of clauses makes the causal relationship easier to follow.
- 11. Strengthen measure sequence Suggested revision: Order the measures consistently and add a transition between vehicle technology, cycling, and public transport. Why it matters: A clearer sequence would make the three distinct strategies easier to follow as a coordinated response.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasingly more common increasingly common
- normal combustion engine vehicles conventional internal-combustion-engine vehicles
- control this issue curb this increase
- research and design of electric automobiles research into and development of electric automobiles
- roadways, to minimise roadways to minimise
- increase the public transportation infrastructure expand public transport infrastructure
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both causes and controls through well-developed, relevant arguments, and its clear paragraph structure makes the reasoning easy to follow. Language is varied and generally precise, with only occasional agreement issues and some repetition in long sentences. The highest-priority refinement is to tighten sentence construction and make the conclusion summarise the proposed controls as well as the causes.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly with well-extended explanations of consumer dependence, economic interests, cleaner vehicles, cycling, and public transport.
Complete the conclusion by briefly synthesising the principal control measures alongside the causes already restated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced into focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader clearly with little strain.
Tighten the longest sentences and vary connective patterns to make an already clear progression even more economical.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports detailed discussion of transport, industry, infrastructure, and alternative energy with only minor repetition.
Reduce repeated comparative phrasing and choose more exact alternatives to broad terms such as issue, situation, and problems.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, while occasional subject-verb agreement and pronoun-number errors do not impede communication.
Proofread agreement in sentences where singular reasons or options are followed by plural references or coordinated clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Although it is widely recognized that cars damage the environment, their manufacture and use continue to increase. Why is this the case? How could this increase be controlled?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.