The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In this day and age, mass media have become an epidemic all around the world. So that, people in different ages follow and use them, such as television, newspaper and the internet have become more popular among individuals. On the contemporary worlds, whether the influence of mass media in shaping people's life is a controversial issue. One group of people believes that media have no effects on people's lifestyle, while others are the advocate of many powerful influences of mass media in our lives. I personally agree with the latter group, because of two main reasons which are elucidated below.
First group claims that mass media cannot have an effect on our decisions and believes; since it has been taken for granted. Of course, they are right to some extent, but I think they considered this issue superficially.
First of all, mass media have a profound impact on cultures. It causes to eliminate the boundaries of cultures among people and creates globalisation. The globalisation is a good instance to depict the effect of mass media because individuals now can see what is happening in other countries or how they are dressed and how their culture is different. As a result, they usually imitate what others do.
Secondly, mass media are a source of information. It informed people about daily events or new discoveries. This information sometimes is used to change people's opinion. For example, in a presidential election, the fan of different candidates advertise in media like, television or the internet for them, and absorb attention to elect any person that they want.
In conclusion, as I mentioned above, the influence of mass media is undeniable, and it can change our beliefs and our ideas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid inaccurate metaphor Original: have become an epidemic Suggested revision: have become pervasive Why it matters: Epidemic refers to disease, whereas pervasive accurately describes media's widespread presence.
- 2. Fix preposition and number Original: On the contemporary worlds Suggested revision: In the contemporary world Why it matters: The standard expression uses in and the singular noun world.
- 3. Use plural noun Original: life Suggested revision: lives Why it matters: The plural possessive people refers to multiple individual lives.
- 4. Fix reason construction Original: the latter group, because of Suggested revision: the latter group for Why it matters: For two main reasons is the correct construction, and no comma is needed before it.
- 5. Use simple signposting Original: elucidated Suggested revision: explained Why it matters: Explained is clearer and less unnecessarily formal than elucidated.
- 6. Add definite article Original: First group claims Suggested revision: The first group claims Why it matters: The ordinal adjective first requires the definite article here.
- 7. Fix noun and connection Original: believes; since it has been taken for granted Suggested revision: beliefs because their influence is taken for granted Why it matters: The revision corrects the noun form, removes the faulty semicolon, and clarifies the pronoun reference.
- 8. Use present tense Original: considered Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: The present tense is required because the essay describes the group's current view.
- 9. Fix causative structure Original: It causes to eliminate Suggested revision: It helps eliminate Why it matters: Cause cannot be followed by an infinitive in this pattern, while help can.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: the boundaries of cultures among people Suggested revision: cultural boundaries between people Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and uses the appropriate preposition between.
- 11. Use natural example phrase Original: a good instance to depict Suggested revision: a good example of Why it matters: A good example of is the idiomatic expression for illustrating an effect.
- 12. Clarify pronoun and voice Original: how they are dressed Suggested revision: how people dress Why it matters: The active form identifies people clearly and avoids an ambiguous they.
Suggested Rewrites
- have become an epidemic have become pervasive
- On the contemporary worlds In the contemporary world
- life lives
- the latter group, because of the latter group for
- elucidated explained
- First group claims The first group claims
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement throughout and organizes two relevant influences of mass media into distinct body paragraphs. However, development is fairly general, the brief opposing view is unclear, and frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors weaken precision. The highest-priority improvement is to explain each causal claim more specifically while using simpler, controlled sentences and accurate collocations, especially in the examples about culture and elections.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is addressed with a clear position and two relevant main ideas, but support is uneven and some claims remain broad or only partly explained.
Develop each reason through a precise cause-and-effect chain and make the election example clearly show how media shape voters' ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a recognizable progression and clear paragraphing, although the short counterargument paragraph and mechanical sequencing disrupt the flow.
Either develop the opposing view and rebut it meaningfully or remove that paragraph and connect the two supporting arguments more smoothly.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce naturalness and precision.
Replace expressions such as become an epidemic, decisions and believes, and absorb attention with accurate, conventional academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring errors in sentence formation, agreement, articles, and tense sometimes strain clarity.
Build complete sentences with clear subjects and verbs, then proofread systematically for agreement and consistent tense.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.