Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Sample Response
Every country has holidays. If I could create a new holiday it would be "Day of Health". I believe that many countries already have this day, but I think that my day will be more beneficial because it will be celebrated at the beginning of every month. In this essay, I will give the reasons and outline the benefits of this holiday. First of all, to celebrate this day people do not have to go to a restaurant or to a movie, but they will go to the nearest park and celebrate it by walking, jogging, line-skating or bicycling. Some people will go to a fitness centre or a pool. Smoking will be prohibited everywhere on this day. Also, this will be a day of healthy food, fresh squeezed juice and a lot of smiling faces. This day will inspire people with energy for the rest of the month. Second of all, people will be called to use their car as less as possible in order to prevent the air pollution and to keep air fresh. Every car has a large impact on the environment. People often drive their car to the nearest store to buy food when they can spend 5 minutes more and get there by foot or bicycle. Finally, "Day of Health" will help people to relax, to slow down the pace of their life. Life is very stressful these days. People are competing for a better job, companies and countries are competing for a market and business. So, this day will help people to enjoy the moments of their life, to leave their troubles behind and appreciate all they have. In summary, I believe my holiday would make people friendlier, healthier and happier.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Separate the conditional Original: new holiday it would Suggested revision: new holiday, it would Why it matters: A comma should separate the opening conditional clause from the main clause.
- 2. Clarify the comparison Original: my day will be more beneficial Suggested revision: my version of the holiday will be more beneficial Why it matters: The revision makes clear that the writer is comparing versions of the same holiday.
- 3. Punctuate the opener Original: to celebrate this day people Suggested revision: to celebrate this day, people Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory purpose phrase.
- 4. Use parallel future forms Original: do not have to go to a restaurant or to a movie, but they will go Suggested revision: will not go to a restaurant or a movie but will instead go Why it matters: Parallel future forms create a clear contrast between rejected and preferred activities.
- 5. Use correct activity name Original: line-skating Suggested revision: inline skating Why it matters: 'Inline skating' is the standard name for this activity.
- 6. Use formal addition linker Original: Also, this will be Suggested revision: In addition, this will be Why it matters: 'In addition' links this feature more formally to the preceding activities.
- 7. Use adverb modifier Original: fresh Suggested revision: freshly Why it matters: The participle 'squeezed' should be modified by the adverb 'freshly'.
- 8. Use concise quantifier Original: a lot of smiling faces Suggested revision: many smiling faces Why it matters: 'Many' is more concise and suitable for formal writing.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: inspire Suggested revision: fill Why it matters: 'Fill people with energy' is the natural expression for energising them.
- 10. Use standard sequence marker Original: Second of all Suggested revision: Second Why it matters: 'Second' is the standard concise marker after 'First of all'.
- 11. Use correct passive verb Original: called Suggested revision: encouraged Why it matters: People are encouraged, not called, to reduce a behaviour.
- 12. Match plural subject Original: car Suggested revision: cars Why it matters: The plural subject 'people' generally refers to multiple cars.
Suggested Rewrites
- new holiday it would new holiday, it would
- my day will be more beneficial my version of the holiday will be more beneficial
- to celebrate this day people to celebrate this day, people
- do not have to go to a restaurant or to a movie, but they will go will not go to a restaurant or a movie but will instead go
- line-skating inline skating
- Also, this will be In addition, this will be
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its concrete, varied description of how people could celebrate a recurring Day of Health, supported by clear benefits for fitness, the environment, and wellbeing. Its main limitation is that it only implies what the holiday honours and presents the entire argument as one block; the priority is to state the commemorative purpose explicitly and organise each major reason into a distinct paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The proposed holiday is clearly identified and its celebration and benefits are well developed, although what it specifically honours remains implicit.
State directly that the holiday honours health and justify more fully why a monthly observance is appropriate.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through three reasons and clear sequencing, but the response is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Separate the celebration, environmental, and wellbeing arguments into distinct paragraphs with focused topic sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough to describe exercise, pollution, and wellbeing, though several collocations are awkward or inaccurate.
Use natural phrases such as freshly squeezed juice, travel on foot, and use cars as little as possible.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, despite recurring article, pronoun, and preposition errors.
Proofread noun phrases and prepositions, especially references to people’s cars, pollution, and methods of travel.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.