Some people think that traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In this modern era, there is an increasing trend towards the usage of modern games and technology. However, some individuals assert that traditional games are more advantageous in enhancing children's abilities than modern games. From my perspective, I firmly agree with this view.
To begin with, traditional games have been played for generations and have proven to be effective in expanding children's abilities. These games are usually simple and require minimal equipment, such as hide and seek or hopscotch. Unlike modern games that involve technology, traditional games encourage children to interact and communicate with each other. For instance, playing team games such as Capture the Flag helps children to learn important social skills like teamwork, communication, and leadership.
Furthermore, traditional games are more physically demanding than modern games. Children who participate in traditional games are more active, which can lead to better physical development. It also helps them to develop fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and balance. For example, playing with tops or yo-yos helps children develop hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills, which are essential for their growth and development.
However, it should be noted that modern games are not entirely without benefits. For instance, they can help children develop their problem-solving skills and creativity. But despite these benefits, these games are often highly addictive and are played with electronic gadgets which can have detrimental effects on a child's health. Such games also encourage youngsters to stay indoors rather than go out and take part in physical activities.
In conclusion, traditional games are an excellent way for children to develop their abilities. By playing these games, children can improve their social skills, physical abilities, and cognitive skills. Therefore, I firmly believe that traditional games are superior to modern games in helping children's development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise noun Original: usage Suggested revision: use Why it matters: Use is more natural and concise than usage in this context.
- 2. Choose precise verb Original: expanding Suggested revision: developing Why it matters: Developing is the natural verb for improving children's abilities.
- 3. Use bare infinitive Original: helps children to learn Suggested revision: helps children learn Why it matters: Help commonly takes the bare infinitive in this construction.
- 4. Fix pronoun agreement Original: It also helps them Suggested revision: They also help them Why it matters: The pronoun should be plural to refer clearly to traditional games.
- 5. Clarify the game Original: playing with tops Suggested revision: playing with spinning tops Why it matters: Spinning tops identifies the intended toy more precisely.
- 6. Remove double contrast Original: But despite these benefits Suggested revision: Despite these benefits Why it matters: But and despite perform the same contrastive function, so only one is needed.
- 7. Use precise preposition Original: played with electronic gadgets Suggested revision: played on electronic devices Why it matters: Digital games are played on devices rather than with gadgets.
- 8. Correct verb pattern Original: in helping children's development Suggested revision: in helping children develop Why it matters: Help takes an object followed by the base verb develop.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: However, some individuals assert that traditional games are more advantageous in enhancing children's abilities than modern games. Suggested revision: However, some people argue that traditional games develop children's abilities more effectively than modern games. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces the awkward comparative phrase with a direct and natural comparison.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: These games are usually simple and require minimal equipment, such as hide and seek or hopscotch. Suggested revision: These games are usually simple and require minimal equipment; hide-and-seek and hopscotch are typical examples. Why it matters: The rewrite prevents games from being presented incorrectly as examples of equipment.
Suggested Rewrites
- usage use
- expanding developing
- helps children to learn helps children learn
- It also helps them They also help them
- playing with tops playing with spinning tops
- But despite these benefits Despite these benefits
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a direct, consistent position and develops it through well-chosen comparisons and specific examples of social and physical skills. Its main limitation is that some claims remain conventional or slightly overstated, while a few lexical choices and references lack full precision. The best improvement would be to deepen the comparison by explaining more carefully why the cited benefits are stronger than those of modern games.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The question is fully addressed through a clear position, developed reasons, relevant examples and a measured acknowledgement of the opposing view.
Strengthen the evaluation by explicitly weighing the distinctive developmental value of traditional games against comparable benefits from modern games.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices guide the reader smoothly without obscuring progression.
Refine pronoun references between examples and their effects so that every link remains immediately clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic language, though a few choices such as usage and expanding abilities sound less natural.
Use more idiomatic collocations, such as use of technology and developing abilities, while preserving the current range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of sentence structures is used accurately, and the few minor reference or agreement issues do not impede communication.
Polish singular-plural reference in sentences such as It also helps them so that complex links are fully controlled.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.