Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is well-known fact that the level of depression and anti-social behavior in kids has increased dramatically in modern societies. New lifestyles mean that more caretakers have little time for their children. Much kinder suffer owing to they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the yesteryears. The essay will articulate its full agreement and will outline reasons for this standpoint.
There are many reasons which I would consider to substantiate my view. The primary is that today’s life is full of hurry and worry. Every person busy in earn money due to they have no time for their family. People don’t spend a little time with their own kids due to the hectic schedule. Incite an example of, if person who doesn’t spend time with their children along with they feel alone as they don’t care properly about their health without helping parents. Many effects like if parents don’t spend time with their kids due to they play games every time as they don’t complete their homework. Sometimes children make a bad company of friends. Then, their future is spoiled by choosing the wrong things.
Moreover, today’s everything is very different as compared to past days. Every person busy in their own life. In past days parents spent plethora time with their kids as they did take care properly about their children. Secondly, these days caretakers don’t spend time with their kids due to they don’t get more attention from their parents. In past days parents were more worried about their kids as compared to these days.
When all is said and done, parents should be worry about their children as they should spend time with their kids. Children are nation builders and every nation depends on them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add missing article Original: It is well-known fact Suggested revision: It is a well-known fact Why it matters: The singular countable noun “fact” requires an article.
- 2. Correct quantifier and noun Original: Much kinder Suggested revision: Many children Why it matters: “Many” modifies a plural countable noun, and “kinder” is not the plural of “child”.
- 3. Use clause connector Original: owing to they don’t get Suggested revision: because they do not get Why it matters: “Owing to” must be followed by a noun phrase, whereas “because” introduces a clause.
- 4. Use concise time phrase Original: yesteryears Suggested revision: past Why it matters: This is a clearer and more natural comparison with earlier generations.
- 5. State agreement directly Original: The essay will articulate its full agreement Suggested revision: This essay fully agrees Why it matters: An essay cannot naturally “articulate its agreement” in this construction.
- 6. Simplify relative clause Original: reasons which I would consider to substantiate Suggested revision: reasons that substantiate Why it matters: The original clause has an unnecessary subject and modal that weaken its grammatical link to “reasons”.
- 7. Correct negative quantity Original: don’t spend a little time Suggested revision: spend little time Why it matters: “Spend little time” correctly expresses an insufficient amount of time.
- 8. Match plural families Original: the hectic schedule Suggested revision: their hectic schedules Why it matters: The possessive plural form matches the general reference to multiple people.
- 9. Use idiomatic expression Original: make a bad company of friends Suggested revision: fall in with bad company Why it matters: The original phrase is not an English collocation for forming harmful friendships.
- 10. Use measured wording Original: future is spoiled Suggested revision: future may be harmed Why it matters: The modal avoids an unsupported absolute outcome while preserving the claimed risk.
- 11. Correct word order Original: today’s everything Suggested revision: everything today Why it matters: The time adverb follows the indefinite pronoun in this construction.
- 12. Fix comparison form Original: very different as compared to past days Suggested revision: very different from the past Why it matters: The standard comparative construction is “different from”.
Suggested Rewrites
- It is well-known fact It is a well-known fact
- Much kinder Many children
- owing to they don’t get because they do not get
- yesteryears past
- The essay will articulate its full agreement This essay fully agrees
- reasons which I would consider to substantiate reasons that substantiate
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response states clear agreement and presents relevant concerns about busy parents and harmful effects on children, supported by a basic paragraph structure. However, the discussion becomes repetitive and only partly developed, while frequent grammatical and word-choice errors make several sentences hard to understand. The main priority is to build each paragraph around one distinct, well-explained reason or consequence using shorter, accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is given and relevant reasons and effects are mentioned, but development is limited and much of the comparison is repetitive.
Explain two distinct ways reduced parental attention harms children, supporting each with a clear cause-and-effect example.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing provides a basic overall sequence, but repetition and unclear sentence connections weaken progression within the argument.
Give each body paragraph one separate purpose and use accurate referencing so every consequence follows clearly from its cause.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic, but frequent inappropriate choices and collocations make expression imprecise and sometimes confusing.
Use familiar words accurately and learn natural phrases such as spend time with children, earn money, and fall into bad company.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence formation, verb phrases, articles, and subordinate clauses often impede clarity despite some attempts at complex structures.
Practise complete sentences with clear subjects and finite verbs, then add one correctly formed reason or result clause at a time.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they don’t get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.