Over the past fifty years, international sports events such as the Olympic Games and World Cup competitions have played an increasingly important role in our society. However, these days, many people think such events are an enormous waste of money, time and effort. How far do you agree with the view that such sporting events are an enormous waste of money, time and effort?
Sample Response
During the preceding decades, World Cup and Olympic tournaments have gained immense attention due to its vital effect on our society. But debates have emerged about their importance and whether they are worthy of the tremendous amount of money that is poured to organize them. However, I have a firm conviction that such events are completely beneficial for us from the social, financial, and political scale. Besides, I agree that they deserve every penny, minute and work that is exerted. Firstly, sports competitions, especially at the global level, have benefits. As they nurture the ambition of success in youths’ mind which encourages them to do their best in training and preparation for such games, they motivate millions of young minds. In consequence, juveniles focus on participating in athletics, and that tackles the invasion of drugs in our communities to a great extent. Regarding the advantages on the economic basis, arranging global sports events enhances the infrastructures of the host country. Moreover, it helps improve the national income besides providing more job opportunities even before or after the event. For example, the Brazilian economy has been flourishing after holding the world cup and the Olympic Games in 2014 and 2016, respectively. Besides, a positive impact of global tournaments, on international peace, was significantly observed in many situations. In such games, all players gather to share their passion for sports, despite the relations between their countries. For instance, in Athens 2004 Olympic games, South and North Korea participated as a country which was a good step towards achieving peace between them. In conclusion, sports events in global scale required money, time and effort. But the benefits they bring justifies the costs it requires.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix agreement and wording Original: due to its vital effect Suggested revision: because of their significant effects Why it matters: The plural events require “their” and “effects,” while “significant” is the natural adjective here.
- 2. Use correct expression Original: worthy of the tremendous amount of money Suggested revision: worth the substantial sums of money Why it matters: Events are “worth” an amount, and general expenditure is naturally expressed as plural sums.
- 3. Fix verb and preposition Original: poured to organize them Suggested revision: spent on organising them Why it matters: Money is “spent on” an activity rather than “poured to” perform it.
- 4. Use precise phrasing Original: completely beneficial for us Suggested revision: highly beneficial to society Why it matters: “Beneficial to society” states the intended social value more precisely.
- 5. Use adverbial forms Original: from the social, financial, and political scale Suggested revision: socially, financially, and politically Why it matters: Adverbs correctly describe the respects in which the events are beneficial.
- 6. Use parallel nouns Original: every penny, minute and work that is exerted Suggested revision: all the money, time, and effort invested Why it matters: The parallel nouns match the resources in the prompt, and effort is invested rather than work exerted.
- 7. Strengthen vague wording Original: sports competitions, especially at the global level, have benefits Suggested revision: global sports competitions offer substantial benefits Why it matters: The revision states the scope and value directly without the vague phrase “have benefits.”
- 8. Fix noun complement Original: ambition of success Suggested revision: ambition to succeed Why it matters: “Ambition” takes a to-infinitive when referring to a desired achievement.
- 9. Fix plural possession Original: youths’ mind Suggested revision: young people's minds Why it matters: The plural group requires a plural possessive phrase and the plural noun “minds.”
- 10. Clarify the result Original: which encourages them Suggested revision: thereby encouraging them Why it matters: “Thereby” clearly links the nurtured ambition to the resulting effort.
- 11. Use natural connector Original: In consequence Suggested revision: Consequently Why it matters: “Consequently” is the standard sentence connector for the stated result.
- 12. Use neutral term Original: juveniles Suggested revision: young people Why it matters: “Juveniles” carries an unnecessarily legal or clinical tone in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- due to its vital effect because of their significant effects
- worthy of the tremendous amount of money worth the substantial sums of money
- poured to organize them spent on organising them
- completely beneficial for us highly beneficial to society
- from the social, financial, and political scale socially, financially, and politically
- every penny, minute and work that is exerted all the money, time, and effort invested
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with relevant social, economic, and international examples, giving the argument a persuasive overall direction. Its main limitation is that the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, while recurrent collocation and agreement errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and then edit each section for natural word combinations and grammatical agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear disagreement is sustained and supported with relevant social, economic, and political benefits, though some claims are only briefly substantiated.
Explain more explicitly how the stated benefits justify the money, time, and effort invested, using fully accurate evidence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognizable sequence and uses clear signposting, but presenting every idea in one paragraph weakens organization and topic focus.
Separate the introduction, each main benefit, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clear central topics.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is varied and sufficiently ambitious, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness and accuracy.
Use more conventional combinations for costs, infrastructure, youth participation, and international relations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is attempted successfully enough for meaning to remain clear, despite recurring agreement, article, preposition, and tense errors.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement and noun-number consistency before refining article and preposition choices.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Over the past fifty years, international sports events such as the Olympic Games and World Cup competitions have played an increasingly important role in our society. However, these days, many people think such events are an enormous waste of money, time and effort. How far do you agree with the view that such sporting events are an enormous waste of money, time and effort?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.