In many parts of the world, university students struggle to manage their finances effectively and often run out of money. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be implemented to address it?
Sample Response
In many parts of the globe, university students are financially illiterate and usually run out of money. This essay will discuss the most significant reasons for this problem and suggest possible solutions to address this issue.
Nowadays, the majority of university students face the problem of not being able to manage their finances efficiently. One particularly compelling argument is that these individuals were not taught financial literacy. While people are minors, their needs are provided by parents. For instance, these include expensive digital devices, clothes, and food. Therefore, children are less likely to be interested in managing their finances properly. However, after turning eighteen years old, teenagers enter adulthood. From that point, a large proportion of students may suffer from a lack of money, as they have to spend their last savings to maintain a good quality of life. This happens due to the fact that in many educational institutions, teenagers don't learn how to manage money. Consequently, they are forced to gain life experience by themselves and learn how to deal with financial instability while studying in universities.
Taking these facts into consideration, the most effective way to avoid being stuck with a lack of finances is to raise awareness among people from a young age. First of all, educational institutions should be encouraged to implement a school subject called "Financial literacy." In this case, young people may become more conscious, as they will have the basic knowledge of money management. Subsequently, it will be simpler for them to build a solid foundation in adulthood. Moreover, during their studies at university, governments should support young people with special payments. As a result, this support of students will alleviate their financial burden and contribute to their growth of self-awareness.
In conclusion, while the lack of money among university students is a crucial problem caused by financial illiteracy, these individuals should be supported by governments and learn how to manage finances properly in childhood.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Word Choice Original: are provided by parents Suggested revision: are met by their parents Why it matters: The phrase 'met by their parents' is a more natural collocation for fulfilling needs.
- 2. Inaccurate Term Original: turning eighteen years old, teenagers Suggested revision: turning eighteen, young adults Why it matters: At age eighteen, individuals are legally adults, so describing them as 'young adults' is more precise.
- 3. Contraction Original: don't Suggested revision: do not Why it matters: Contractions should be avoided in formal academic writing.
- 4. Preposition Choice Original: in universities Suggested revision: at university Why it matters: The phrase 'at university' is the standard idiomatic expression in this context.
- 5. Word Choice Original: finances Suggested revision: funds Why it matters: The noun 'funds' or 'money' is more natural here than 'finances'.
- 6. Capitalization and Quotes Original: called "Financial literacy." Suggested revision: called financial literacy. Why it matters: Unnecessary capitalization and quotation marks should be removed in formal essays.
- 7. Word Choice Original: growth of self-awareness Suggested revision: personal independence Why it matters: The phrase 'personal independence' fits the context of financial management better than 'self-awareness'.
- 8. Word Choice Original: manage finances properly in childhood. Suggested revision: learn financial management at a young age. Why it matters: Using 'at a young age' is more appropriate than 'in childhood' when discussing financial education.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: Taking these facts into consideration, the most effective way to avoid being stuck with a lack of finances is to raise awareness among people from a young age. Suggested revision: To prevent these financial difficulties, the most effective solution is to promote financial education from a young age. Why it matters: Rewriting this sentence improves the transition between paragraphs and enhances formal tone.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In this case, young people may become more conscious, as they will have the basic knowledge of money management. Suggested revision: This approach would ensure that young people gain foundational knowledge of money management. Why it matters: Using a conditional structure creates a clearer and more cohesive academic argument.
- 11. Paragraph Flow Suggested revision: Ensure smooth transitions between the explanation of parental support and the sudden shift to adulthood. Why it matters: The progression from parental dependency to university struggles can be linked more logically to highlight the sudden financial gap.
Suggested Rewrites
- are provided by parents are met by their parents
- turning eighteen years old, teenagers turning eighteen, young adults
- don't do not
- in universities at university
- finances funds
- called "Financial literacy." called financial literacy.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a well-structured response that directly addresses both the causes of and solutions to university students' financial struggles. Ideas are developed logically with clear paragraphing and a precise range of vocabulary. To reach a higher score, the candidate should expand on additional causes beyond early financial illiteracy and refine minor grammatical register issues, such as avoiding informal contractions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying key causes and proposing relevant solutions.
Broaden the discussion of causes to include factors like rising living costs or budgeting pressures beyond just a lack of early education.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is organized logically across clear paragraphs with effective transitional phrases.
Ensure cohesive devices vary naturally to avoid overusing standard linking words like 'consequently' and 'moreover'.
Lexical Resource
The essay uses a good range of topic-specific vocabulary with flexibility and accurate word choices.
Focus on precise collocation use to eliminate minor awkward phrasing like 'growth of self-awareness'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used accurately with good overall grammatical control.
Maintain a formal academic register by avoiding contractions such as 'don't'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many parts of the world, university students struggle to manage their finances effectively and often run out of money. What are the main causes of this problem, and what solutions can be implemented to address it?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.