In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate online and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
It is true that in contemporary life, people in many parts of the world are able to do their shopping, work, and communicate with each other via the internet. While there are clear positive aspects of this trend, there are also negative aspects of having less face-to-face contact with other people.
On the one hand, the internet can be very handy in many ways. Many people use it to keep in touch with friends and family, using Facebook, Skype, or WhatsApp to send instant messages or to enjoy a quick chat. Many also use the internet for online shopping, thus saving time and petrol on trips to the supermarket as well as hunting around different sites for bargains. However, it is in terms of work that the internet offers the most potential benefits. More and more people are working or even studying from home, at hours which suit their own schedules. Many hours are saved each week by eliminating the daily commute and the stress of coping with the rush hour.
On the other hand, as social beings, people need personal contact. Firstly, virtual friendships that are formed online may not be genuine. The media carries many horror stories of youngsters who have fallen prey to paedophiles, for example. Secondly, online shopping is not always appropriate, depending on the item. It is best, for instance, to try on clothes before buying, and while a bookworm can find almost any book title that they want online, they will certainly miss browsing the shelves of bookstores. Finally, personal interaction with work colleagues can generate ideas and avoid misunderstandings.
In conclusion, although there are positive aspects of this trend, there are also aspects of face-to-face contact, which it would be a shame to lose.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix parallel structure Original: are able to do their shopping, work, and communicate Suggested revision: are able to shop, work, and communicate Why it matters: Using three parallel verbs makes the coordinated list grammatical.
- 2. Use formal wording Original: very handy in many ways Suggested revision: useful in several ways Why it matters: Useful in several ways is more precise and suitably formal for an academic essay.
- 3. Make phrasing concise Original: in terms of work Suggested revision: for work Why it matters: The shorter phrase expresses the same relationship without unnecessary wording.
- 4. Refine time expression Original: at hours which suit their own schedules Suggested revision: during hours that suit their schedules Why it matters: During hours is the more natural prepositional expression for a working period.
- 5. Complete the collocation Original: coping with the rush hour Suggested revision: coping with rush-hour traffic Why it matters: Rush-hour traffic identifies the stressful condition more precisely.
- 6. Remove repetition Original: virtual friendships that are formed online Suggested revision: online friendships Why it matters: Online friendships conveys both virtual and formed online without redundancy.
- 7. Use neutral phrasing Original: carries many horror stories Suggested revision: reports many disturbing stories Why it matters: Reports is a more precise verb and disturbing is more appropriately neutral than horror.
- 8. Remove loose modifier Original: not always appropriate, depending on the item Suggested revision: not appropriate for every item Why it matters: The revision integrates the condition directly instead of leaving a loosely attached phrase.
- 9. Use concise wording Original: almost any book title that they want Suggested revision: almost any book they want Why it matters: Book already denotes the item, so title is unnecessary here.
- 10. Use accurate verb Original: generate ideas and avoid misunderstandings Suggested revision: generate ideas and help prevent misunderstandings Why it matters: Interaction can help prevent misunderstandings but cannot guarantee that they are avoided.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Many also use the internet for online shopping, thus saving time and petrol on trips to the supermarket as well as hunting around different sites for bargains. Suggested revision: Many also use the internet for online shopping, saving the time and petrol spent on trips to the supermarket while allowing them to search different sites for bargains. Why it matters: The rewrite gives the two benefits clear and parallel grammatical structures.
Suggested Rewrites
- are able to do their shopping, work, and communicate are able to shop, work, and communicate
- very handy in many ways useful in several ways
- in terms of work for work
- at hours which suit their own schedules during hours that suit their schedules
- coping with the rush hour coping with rush-hour traffic
- virtual friendships that are formed online online friendships
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and well-developed, specific discussion of benefits and drawbacks across communication, shopping, and work. The main limitation is that it never makes a sufficiently clear overall judgement on whether the development is positive or negative; the highest priority is to state and consistently justify a comparative position, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both sides are addressed with relevant, developed examples, but the response does not give the clear overall positive-or-negative judgement required by the question.
State whether the drawbacks ultimately outweigh the benefits and make the conclusion directly confirm that judgement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a clear two-sided structure with logical progression, although the sequencing language is occasionally mechanical.
Use more implicit links between supporting points instead of relying repeatedly on enumerators such as firstly, secondly, and finally.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a broad and generally precise range of vocabulary for online activity, social contact, and working practices.
Replace a few informal or sensational choices, such as very handy and horror stories, with more measured academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of sentence forms is handled with strong control, and the few awkward constructions do not impede meaning.
Revise the conclusion's relative clause so its reference is precise and the final judgement reads more directly.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate online and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.