In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate online and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
The world we live in today has been elevating higher and higher in terms of digital definitions and has unequivocally morphed it in substantial aspects. It assuredly has made the lives of people very facile and comfortable. This essay scrutinizes how it has been a favourable innovation.
The velocity with which people are making headway and the entire human cohort at large wouldn’t have been possible had digitization not been there to anchor. In all the categories of work front, development, researches, online advancement has heightened and accelerated the growth. It has been time-saving and much more efficacious through online clicks and flicks. It has been conducive to the increasing population’s commute and accommodation, primarily in the workplaces. With the advent of e-medium, it has been fairly lucrative to be working, dining, studying in the comfort of our preferred places. For instance, with the havoc and pandemic world that has been evidenced in the wake of Covid-19, it is unimaginable to even think of how the execution and processing of the world would have been if there was no stanchion of the digital nuances.
In the teaching purview as well, digitization and online metamorphosis have taken long strides. For instance, nearly every institution, college, school and coaching centre have resorted to online paraphernalia of pedagogy, where it couldn’t have been possible had the innovation in this channel not been made. Moreover, many underprivileged children who might not have got access to learn in an offline medium otherwise, are now able to get touched with the new wave of e-learning.
Some may also believe in the notion of causative deleterious effects which are corrosive and caustic to the development of vulnerable and faltering mindsets, particularly, children and adolescents in the terms of ludicrous contents, but the risks of it could be contained and tapered-off with correct supervision and surveillance of responsible guardians and adults.
Conclusively, it could be said that the perspective of growth curves the world today has been driven in is principally because of the proliferating computer age and online transformation. Hence, for the most of it, it is indeed a positive development for the modern world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural emphasis Original: It assuredly has made Suggested revision: It has undoubtedly made Why it matters: The revised adverb and word order sound more natural in formal prose.
- 2. Correct word choice Original: very facile and comfortable Suggested revision: much easier and more comfortable Why it matters: “Facile” usually suggests superficiality rather than ease in this context.
- 3. State the argument clearly Original: scrutinizes how it has been Suggested revision: argues that it is Why it matters: The essay presents a position rather than scrutinising the manner of an innovation.
- 4. Use parallel categories Original: In all the categories of work front, development, researches Suggested revision: Across work, development, and research Why it matters: The original category list is unidiomatic and uses the uncountable noun “research” incorrectly.
- 5. Fix agreement and phrasing Original: online advancement has heightened and accelerated the growth Suggested revision: online advances have accelerated growth Why it matters: The plural subject requires “have,” and the revision removes an unnatural redundant verb phrase.
- 6. Use an active verb Original: It has been time-saving Suggested revision: It has saved time Why it matters: The active verb expresses the claimed effect clearly and idiomatically.
- 7. Use precise wording Original: much more efficacious through online clicks and flicks Suggested revision: more efficient through online interactions Why it matters: The original wording is overly ornate and “clicks and flicks” is imprecise.
- 8. Clarify the benefit Original: conducive to the increasing population’s commute and accommodation Suggested revision: helpful for a growing population's commuting and accommodation needs Why it matters: The revision supplies natural noun forms and makes the claimed benefit understandable.
- 9. Correct the setting phrase Original: primarily in the workplaces Suggested revision: particularly in relation to workplaces Why it matters: The original preposition and definite article do not express the intended relationship naturally.
- 10. Use a standard term Original: e-medium Suggested revision: online platforms Why it matters: “E-medium” is not a standard term for the digital services described here.
- 11. Correct meaning and form Original: fairly lucrative to be working, dining, studying Suggested revision: convenient to work, dine, and study Why it matters: “Lucrative” means profitable, while the sentence describes convenience and needs parallel verb forms.
- 12. Make the phrase concise Original: in the comfort of our preferred places Suggested revision: from places we prefer Why it matters: The revision expresses the same location idea more directly and naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- It assuredly has made It has undoubtedly made
- very facile and comfortable much easier and more comfortable
- scrutinizes how it has been argues that it is
- In all the categories of work front, development, researches Across work, development, and research
- online advancement has heightened and accelerated the growth online advances have accelerated growth
- It has been time-saving It has saved time
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear positive position and uses relevant examples from work and education, with an evident attempt at sophisticated language and complex structures. Its main limitation is that it only partially engages with living without face-to-face contact, while frequent inflated or inaccurate wording makes several sentences difficult to process. Prioritise direct analysis of the specific social-contact issue and replace ornate expressions with precise, natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear positive position is maintained, but the discussion focuses mainly on general digital convenience and education rather than the consequences of avoiding face-to-face contact.
Develop arguments that directly examine online shopping, work, and communication as substitutes for in-person interaction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response follows a recognisable progression from benefits to a counterpoint and conclusion, though several dense sentences weaken clarity within paragraphs.
Use shorter topic-led sentences and make each example's connection to the central argument explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide and ambitious, but frequent inaccurate or inflated combinations such as 'digital definitions' and 'paraphernalia of pedagogy' reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, exact vocabulary and verify that advanced words fit both the intended meaning and their usual collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay attempts varied complex structures, but recurrent problems with sentence construction, agreement, reference, and modification sometimes strain meaning.
Build complex sentences around clear subjects and verbs, then proofread agreement and pronoun reference before adding modifiers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate online and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.