Should parents read or tell stories to their children or should the children be encouraged to read books, watch movies or TV all by themselves? Which point of view do you agree with?
Sample Response
Parents obviously play a major role in the way that develops their relationship with their children as they get older. Many people believe that parents should read or tell stories to their kids, while, others encourage that children may read books, watch TV or movies without parents. I strongly believe that parents can significantly impact on a child's development with their tales. These arguments will be analysed prior to coming to a reasoned conclusion.
One of the main benefits of the tales told by the parents is that they talk only good sides of stories. For example, their tales are very interesting for their children. They tell about kings, animals, environments which kids can easily understand and believe. In addition, if the children listen to stories from their parents, they would be obedience to them. In this case, it can give more benefits for parents to control their children.
On the other hand, if children are encouraged for doing these things by themselves, it can lead to some drawbacks. For instance, if the children have access to television or the internet, it may bring bad fluency on their behaviour. On this way, they might develop bad and violent manners and behaviours. Moreover, today's media provide a lot of shows which are about to make a bundle. These kinds of broadcasts impact on a child's mind. So, they start to think about how they can make more money without difficulty. For this reason, they may lose their good study sphere.
In conclusion, after analysing these two points of view, it is believed that parent's tales can provide a supportive, secure, and nurturing environment and interaction with kids, which is crucial for a child to become a good adult.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Repair contrast clause Original: while, others encourage that children may read Suggested revision: whereas others believe that children should read Why it matters: The revised clause uses a valid contrast marker and a natural reporting structure.
- 2. Fix verb pattern Original: significantly impact on Suggested revision: significantly influence Why it matters: Impact used as a verb does not take on before its object.
- 3. Clarify the action Original: with their tales Suggested revision: by telling them stories Why it matters: The revision states clearly how parents influence a child's development.
- 4. Use natural phrasing Original: the tales told by the parents Suggested revision: stories told by parents Why it matters: Stories is more natural than tales in this general discussion, and the generic noun parents needs no article.
- 5. Repair verb phrase Original: they talk only good sides of stories Suggested revision: they present only the positive sides of stories Why it matters: Talk cannot take sides as a direct object in this structure.
- 6. Use adjective form Original: obedience Suggested revision: obedient Why it matters: The complement after be requires the adjective obedient rather than the noun obedience.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: In this case, it can give more benefits for parents Suggested revision: In this case, this can make it easier for parents Why it matters: This gives the pronoun a clearer reference and creates a grammatical complement for the following infinitive.
- 8. Use suitable wording Original: control Suggested revision: guide Why it matters: Guide better reflects the supportive parental influence described in the paragraph.
- 9. Fix verb pattern Original: encouraged for doing Suggested revision: encouraged to do Why it matters: Encourage takes a to-infinitive in this passive construction.
- 10. Express the effect clearly Original: bring bad fluency on their behaviour Suggested revision: negatively affect their behaviour Why it matters: Bad fluency does not express a harmful influence on behaviour in English.
- 11. Correct linking phrase Original: On Suggested revision: In Why it matters: In this way is the standard cohesive phrase for describing a result or manner.
- 12. Avoid redundant wording Original: bad and violent manners and behaviours Suggested revision: poor or violent behaviour Why it matters: The original phrase repeats overlapping nouns and uses the unidiomatic combination violent manners.
Suggested Rewrites
- while, others encourage that children may read whereas others believe that children should read
- significantly impact on significantly influence
- with their tales by telling them stories
- the tales told by the parents stories told by parents
- they talk only good sides of stories they present only the positive sides of stories
- obedience obedient
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response gives a clear preference for parental storytelling and uses a conventional structure to contrast it with unsupervised media use. Its main limitation is weak development: claims about obedience, behaviour, money, and study are asserted through unclear or questionable connections, while frequent word-choice errors blur meaning. Focus each body paragraph on one credible developmental benefit or risk and explain the causal link with a specific example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both alternatives and states a clear preference, but its supporting ideas are unevenly developed and sometimes only loosely relevant.
Choose credible benefits of shared reading, such as language growth or bonding, and compare them directly with the limits of unsupervised media use.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall contrast are easy to follow, although mechanical signposting and weak logical links reduce progression within paragraphs.
Begin each body paragraph with one precise claim and make every following sentence explain, exemplify, or qualify that claim.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss children and media, but frequent inaccurate choices such as 'bad fluency' and 'study sphere' obscure intended meanings.
Use familiar, precise phrases such as 'negative influence,' 'behavioural problems,' 'academic focus,' and 'parent-child interaction.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied sentences, but frequent errors in agreement, prepositions, word forms, possessives, and clause construction reduce control.
Practise complete subject-verb patterns and check prepositions and possessive forms in every sentence before attempting more complex clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Should parents read or tell stories to their children or should the children be encouraged to read books, watch movies or TV all by themselves? Which point of view do you agree with?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.