Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence.

Sample Response

1

Undoubtedly, children under twelvechildren below twelve years use different sources for learning. These learning sources include their parents, electronic media, toys, surroundings, or their peers to learn new information about everything. Some individuals believe that parents are the best influences on children’s developmentbest choices for increasing children’s capabilities; however, others, includingincluded myself, believe that their growth can be more influenced by other practical factors. On the one hand, those who believe that parents’ role has more influence on children’s developmentparents’ role is more influential for children’s development have their own reasons. One is that they are more reliable. Children have a stronger bondhave a better bonding with their parents than with their friends or even their teachersthan their friends or even teachers because they spend more time with their parents than any other individual. As a prime example, a toddler can develop his speech better when he copies his mother’s wordsword and his mother is the only reliable person who has provided sufficient care and supervisionhas been the only reliable person who has had sufficient care and supervision. Another reason is that parents are usually more familiar with their children’s moods and behaviouroffspring’s mood and behaviours. They are the first ones who can identify their children’s psychological problemsfind their children’s personality problems because they have spent more time with themdue to longer time they have been spending with them. For instance, a mother is able to detect better his child’s depression symptoms than even any other professionals. On the other hand, parents’ knowledge might not be enough for the upbringing of their children, and I believe that friends or television playhave more pivotal roles. The first reason behind it is that children’stheir friends are considerably more up-to-date than their parents. Clearly, with the development of technologydeveloping of technology, each generation has access to more current information than their parentsmore valuable information than parents. In particular, if adolescents had not had enough social interactionhad not adolescents had enough social communication with their classmates, they would not have become familiar with latest versions of social networks and would have become more isolated. In addition, watching scientific programmes, they will be able to upgrade their information about the latest educational findings than when they just rely on their parents’ training. For example, to learn the English language, there are plenty of precious video clips on YouTube that perfect instructors teach grammar, vocabulary or speaking, which are extremely useful for all viewers, including children. In conclusion, although some people may agree that parents can be better sources of guidance for their children’s developmentbetter origins for growing of their children, I personally think that the role of media and children’s classmatesthe role of medium and their classmates could be more influentialimpressive.

Overall assessment

Why this response received Band 6.5

The essay addresses both perspectives in detail and maintains a clear preference for friends and media, with relevant examples involving speech, emotional awareness, peer interaction, and online learning. Its main limitation is that several examples are narrowly focused or logically questionable, and frequent language errors make the comparisons less precise. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the influences through consistent developmental outcomes such as language, values, social skills, and knowledge using more credible evidence.

Band score breakdown

IELTS Writing Criteria Scores

TR

Task Response

7.0
Scoring rule

Both views are substantially developed and the writer's position is clear, although some examples do not convincingly prove that friends or media are more influential than parents.

Next step

Compare one parental influence and one external influence on the same developmental area, then explain why one has greater impact.

CC

Coherence and Cohesion

6.5
Scoring rule

The argument follows a clear two-sided progression and conclusion, but the single long paragraph and some loosely connected examples weaken organisation.

Next step

Separate the introduction, parental influence, external influences, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with explicit comparative links.

LR

Lexical Resource

6.0
Scoring rule

The response attempts a wide range for child development and learning, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.

Next step

Use natural phrases such as 'stronger bond', 'identify emotional problems', 'keep up with technology', 'expand knowledge', and 'sources of development'.

GRA

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

6.0
Scoring rule

The essay uses varied complex forms, though recurring errors with pronouns, articles, participles, comparison structures, and clause construction are noticeable.

Next step

Revise sentences for consistent reference and complete clauses, especially 'others, including me', 'a mother can detect her child's symptoms', and 'videos in which instructors teach'.

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IELTS Writing Task 2

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence.

Your response

Words0
40:00

Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.