Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence.
Sample Response
Undoubtedly, children below twelve years use different sources for learning. These learning sources include their parents, electronic media, toys, surroundings, or their peers to learn new information about everything. Some individuals believe that parents are the best choices for increasing children’s capabilities; however, others, included myself, believe that their growth can be more influenced by other practical factors. On the one hand, those who believe that parents’ role is more influential for children’s development have their own reasons. One is that they are more reliable. Children have a better bonding with their parents than their friends or even teachers because they spend more time with their parents than any other individual. As a prime example, a toddler can develop his speech better when he copies his mother’s word and his mother has been the only reliable person who has had sufficient care and supervision. Another reason is that parents are usually more familiar with their offspring’s mood and behaviours. They are the first ones who can find their children’s personality problems due to longer time they have been spending with them. For instance, a mother is able to detect better his child’s depression symptoms than even any other professionals. On the other hand, parents’ knowledge might not be enough for the upbringing of their children, and I believe that friends or television have more pivotal roles. The first reason behind it is that their friends are considerably more up-to-date than their parents. Clearly, developing of technology, each generation has more valuable information than parents. In particular, had not adolescents had enough social communication with their classmates, they would not have become familiar with latest versions of social networks and would have become more isolated. In addition, watching scientific programmes, they will be able to upgrade their information about the latest educational findings than when they just rely on their parents’ training. For example, to learn the English language, there are plenty of precious video clips on YouTube that perfect instructors teach grammar, vocabulary or speaking, which are extremely useful for all viewers, including children. In conclusion, although some people may agree that parents can be better origins for growing of their children, I personally think that the role of medium and their classmates could be more impressive.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural age phrase Original: children below twelve years Suggested revision: children under twelve Why it matters: Under twelve is the standard concise expression for this age group.
- 2. Clarify parental influence Original: best choices for increasing children’s capabilities Suggested revision: best influences on children’s development Why it matters: Influences on development expresses the parents' role more accurately than choices for increasing capabilities.
- 3. Use participle correctly Original: included Suggested revision: including Why it matters: Including, rather than included, introduces the writer as a member of the group.
- 4. Correct influence construction Original: parents’ role is more influential for children’s development Suggested revision: parents’ role has more influence on children’s development Why it matters: Influence takes on when describing its effect on development.
- 5. Use correct noun collocation Original: have a better bonding Suggested revision: have a stronger bond Why it matters: Have a stronger bond is the natural expression for a close relationship.
- 6. Complete comparison structure Original: than their friends or even teachers Suggested revision: than with their friends or even their teachers Why it matters: The comparison needs with to match bonding with their parents.
- 7. Use plural words Original: word Suggested revision: words Why it matters: A child copies multiple spoken words rather than one unspecified word.
- 8. Correct tense and agency Original: has been the only reliable person who has had sufficient care and supervision Suggested revision: is the only reliable person who has provided sufficient care and supervision Why it matters: The present tense suits the general example, and the mother provides rather than has care and supervision.
- 9. Make nouns agree Original: offspring’s mood and behaviours Suggested revision: children’s moods and behaviour Why it matters: The plural children requires moods, while behaviour is normally uncountable in this general sense.
- 10. Use precise detection phrase Original: find their children’s personality problems Suggested revision: identify their children’s psychological problems Why it matters: Identify problems is the appropriate collocation, and psychological fits the depression example that follows.
- 11. Correct reason clause Original: due to longer time they have been spending with them Suggested revision: because they have spent more time with them Why it matters: Because introduces the finite reason clause correctly and removes the awkward duration phrase.
- 12. Use role collocation Original: have Suggested revision: play Why it matters: People and media play roles rather than have roles in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- children below twelve years children under twelve
- best choices for increasing children’s capabilities best influences on children’s development
- included including
- parents’ role is more influential for children’s development parents’ role has more influence on children’s development
- have a better bonding have a stronger bond
- than their friends or even teachers than with their friends or even their teachers
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay addresses both perspectives in detail and maintains a clear preference for friends and media, with relevant examples involving speech, emotional awareness, peer interaction, and online learning. Its main limitation is that several examples are narrowly focused or logically questionable, and frequent language errors make the comparisons less precise. The highest-priority improvement is to compare the influences through consistent developmental outcomes such as language, values, social skills, and knowledge using more credible evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are substantially developed and the writer's position is clear, although some examples do not convincingly prove that friends or media are more influential than parents.
Compare one parental influence and one external influence on the same developmental area, then explain why one has greater impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a clear two-sided progression and conclusion, but the single long paragraph and some loosely connected examples weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, parental influence, external influences, and conclusion into distinct paragraphs with explicit comparative links.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a wide range for child development and learning, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use natural phrases such as 'stronger bond', 'identify emotional problems', 'keep up with technology', 'expand knowledge', and 'sources of development'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex forms, though recurring errors with pronouns, articles, participles, comparison structures, and clause construction are noticeable.
Revise sentences for consistent reference and complete clauses, especially 'others, including me', 'a mother can detect her child's symptoms', and 'videos in which instructors teach'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.