Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Sample Response
In this modern era, the advancement of technology affects each and every individual’s life. A group of persons tends to believe that interests, as well as hobbies, are changed over time because human beings want to enjoy their lives according to their own method of living and trends. I quite agree with the statement because there are several reasons for it. I will elaborate causes in the following paragraphs of this essay.
The first and foremost reason is modern technology because nowadays miracles, as well as more advanced, is happening in the technology which attracts more and more people towards it. As a result of it, in the present time, manpower has fully indulged in using electronic commodities and playing games online. For instance, in the past time, children loved to play indoor and outdoor games such as board games, collecting coins or stamps, hide and seek, tire racing and so on. In these games, physical strengths have been using and their body became strong. Due to this, they lived in the pink of their health.
The second cause for it is globalization. Because in this present world, globalization has been increasing day by day. So, a plethora of persons migrates from one country to another country for work or study. By this, they adopt the culture, interest, trend, and hobbies of their peers. As a result of it, their interests and hobbies could be changed.
However, there are some other human beings who have enjoyed the same hobbies and interests as they did in their past time such as reading, jogging, cycling, swimming and so on. They keep their interests remain until now. So, there is no effect on such persons.
To conclude, it is rightly said that when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So that the globalization, as well as modern technology, are responsible for the changed hobbies and interests of human beings. People go to foreign countries and acquire the traditions and cultures of alien countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural wording Original: A group of persons Suggested revision: Some people Why it matters: Some people is the natural expression for an unspecified group holding a view.
- 2. Use active voice Original: are changed over time Suggested revision: change over time Why it matters: Hobbies and interests themselves change, so the passive construction is inappropriate here.
- 3. Clarify the phrase Original: according to their own method of living and trends Suggested revision: according to their preferred lifestyles and current trends Why it matters: Lifestyles and current trends convey the intended meaning more naturally and precisely.
- 4. Add required preposition Original: elaborate causes Suggested revision: elaborate on these causes Why it matters: Elaborate requires on when it means to explain something in greater detail.
- 5. Streamline the linker Original: As a result of it, in the present time Suggested revision: As a result, at present Why it matters: The revision removes the unnecessary pronoun and uses a more concise time expression.
- 6. Correct word choice Original: manpower has fully indulged in Suggested revision: people have become deeply engaged in Why it matters: Manpower refers to available labour, while people is the intended subject here.
- 7. Use precise noun Original: commodities Suggested revision: devices Why it matters: Devices is the natural term for the electronic products people use.
- 8. Correct time phrase Original: in the past time Suggested revision: in the past Why it matters: In the past is the standard expression for an earlier period.
- 9. Make the list parallel Original: board games, collecting coins or stamps, hide and seek, tire racing and so on Suggested revision: board games, coin or stamp collecting, hide-and-seek, tire racing, and so on Why it matters: Parallel noun forms make the list of activities easier to follow.
- 10. Use direct phrasing Original: they lived in the pink of their health Suggested revision: they remained healthy Why it matters: The revision expresses the health outcome clearly without an awkward idiom.
- 11. Fix agreement and wording Original: a plethora of persons migrates Suggested revision: many people migrate Why it matters: The plural subject people requires migrate and is more natural than persons in this context.
- 12. Avoid repeated noun Original: from one country to another country Suggested revision: from one country to another Why it matters: Another already stands for another country, so repeating the noun is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- A group of persons Some people
- are changed over time change over time
- according to their own method of living and trends according to their preferred lifestyles and current trends
- elaborate causes elaborate on these causes
- As a result of it, in the present time As a result, at present
- manpower has fully indulged in people have become deeply engaged in
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear position and organizes its reasons into recognizable paragraphs, with technology and globalization providing a relevant basic framework. Its main limitation is that development is often general or only loosely connected to the contrast between fashion and genuine preference, while frequent awkward phrasing weakens precision; the highest-priority improvement is to explain each causal link with a specific, directly relevant example in more natural language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and relevant causes are presented, but several ideas remain general or only partly address the role of trends versus personal preference.
Show explicitly how one current hobby is adopted because it is fashionable rather than because an individual genuinely wants it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is easy to recognize, but mechanical linking, vague reference words, and a sentence fragment weaken the flow within ideas.
Use complete topic sentences and replace repeated connectors such as 'As a result of it' with precise logical links.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss technology and globalization, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise word choices reduce clarity and flexibility.
Choose common, accurate expressions such as 'people use electronic devices' instead of strained phrases such as 'manpower has fully indulged in electronic commodities'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex forms is attempted, but recurring errors in agreement, articles, tense, and sentence construction are noticeable throughout.
Prioritize accurate subject-verb agreement and complete clause structure before adding complex linking phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.