Some people think that if a country is already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizen happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
A few people argue that, for citizens of already wealthy countries, further economic advancement will not lead them to become any happier. I completely agree with this point of view because when a country’s economy is stronger, its workers will be likely to face heavier workloads and more severe income inequality.
Primarily, a stronger economy could mean greater workloads. People in rich countries may be already content with the lifestyles and salaries they are providing and not want to work harder to earn more. However, to grow the economy even further, companies need to increase output and create innovation, which could lead to longer working hours. As a result, people may have less time left to enjoy their lives outside the workplace. Moreover, the employees are bound to produce innovative ideas, which leads to brain-draining and unsatisfied professional and family lives. In my own experience, my uncle, who is working in an international private firm spending more hours on the computer to submit the projects before the targeted deadlines. In fact, their companies have the highest turnover in the USA. For example, in the majority of developed countries, people are satisfied with their current economic backgrounds.
Secondly, economic growth could widen the income gap. When businesses create wealth, the top management normally receives large raises or bonuses, whereas low-level workers see little or no increase in their wages. For example, the online retail giant Amazon plays an important role in driving the world’s biggest economy America to become even bigger. Despite the company’s huge economic contribution, their warehouse workers only get paid 15 dollars per hour even though CEO Jeff Bezos’ net worth has been growing significantly. Such unfairness can only make a country less happy. However it is true that citizens will be proud of their country is growing remarkably than others, but in my opinion, people couldn’t live the happiest life rather it reduces the satisfaction of people.
In conclusion, some people think that any addition to the economic sector of an affluent country does not produce happiness in the native people. Any kind of economic development would force employees to work harder and exacerbate income disparities. Therefore, I strongly feel that it would not increase the happiness of citizens of already wealthy countries.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use present likelihood Original: will be likely to face Suggested revision: are likely to face Why it matters: Use the present form to express a general expected consequence.
- 2. Correct the collocations Original: the lifestyles and salaries they are providing Suggested revision: the lifestyles they enjoy and the salaries they receive Why it matters: People enjoy lifestyles and receive salaries rather than provide them.
- 3. Use the natural verb Original: create innovation Suggested revision: innovate Why it matters: The verb “innovate” expresses this idea more naturally.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: less time left Suggested revision: less time Why it matters: “Less time” already conveys that less time remains available.
- 5. Avoid excessive certainty Original: the employees are bound Suggested revision: employees are expected Why it matters: “Are expected” states workplace pressure without implying inevitability.
- 6. Match the possibility Original: which leads Suggested revision: which can lead Why it matters: The modal form correctly presents dissatisfaction as a possible result.
- 7. Use a precise noun Original: brain-draining Suggested revision: mental exhaustion Why it matters: “Brain-draining” is not the appropriate expression for personal fatigue here.
- 8. Correct word choice Original: unsatisfied professional and family lives Suggested revision: dissatisfaction in their professional and family lives Why it matters: “Dissatisfaction” accurately describes the employees’ negative feelings.
- 9. Use the right term Original: backgrounds Suggested revision: circumstances Why it matters: “Economic circumstances” refers more accurately to people’s financial situation.
- 10. Name the people directly Original: the top management Suggested revision: senior managers Why it matters: The countable phrase “senior managers” fits the receiving verb more naturally.
- 11. Use a precise comparison Original: low-level workers Suggested revision: lower-paid workers Why it matters: The argument contrasts pay, so “lower-paid” is the more precise description.
- 12. Clarify the economic claim Original: driving the world’s biggest economy America to become even bigger Suggested revision: expanding the American economy Why it matters: The shorter phrase removes the awkward placement of “America” and expresses the claim clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- will be likely to face are likely to face
- the lifestyles and salaries they are providing the lifestyles they enjoy and the salaries they receive
- create innovation innovate
- less time left less time
- the employees are bound employees are expected
- which leads which can lead
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and offers two relevant explanations, with the discussion of income inequality providing the strongest support. However, parts of the workload paragraph become unclear or weakly connected, and frequent awkward phrasing reduces precision. The highest priority is to develop each reason through a focused cause-and-effect sequence, using one clearly relevant example and checking sentence structure and collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is sustained and supported by two relevant reasons, although some supporting points are insufficiently explained or loosely relevant.
Develop each reason with a precise causal explanation and retain only examples that directly demonstrate its effect on happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical overall structure and generally clear progression, but several sentences within the first body paragraph connect weakly or shift direction abruptly.
Organise each body paragraph around one uninterrupted claim-explanation-example sequence and remove contradictory or tangential sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, though inaccurate collocations and word choices sometimes make ideas sound unnatural or imprecise.
Prioritise accurate combinations such as increased workload, generate innovation, and job satisfaction over less secure attempts at complex wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but recurring agreement, clause, article, and sentence-boundary errors reduce control.
Check every complex sentence for a complete main clause and revise agreement and clause-linking errors before submission.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that if a country is already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its citizen happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.