Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
A group of people assert that offices should reduce employees’ working hoursdecrease the working hours for employees since automation and technological advancesadvancement enable employees to do more work in less time. I agree with this view and will support it in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, technological advancements and computerisation in officescomputerisation in an office greatly enhance the productivity of employees. As a result, the staff can produce moreproduce more output and can perform more efficiently without working long hourswithout working for long hours. For example, in the pre-computer era, a bank cashier had to work manually, check different ledger books, verify a person’s identity and then pay a customer. Moreover, at the end of the day, the cashier had to calculate all the transactions before he could leave the office along with the other cashiersleave the office alone with other cashiers. However, this is no longer the case with automation in the banking industry. A cashier can now serve a few customers in 15 minutes and at the end of the day, the banking software performs the calculationssoftware does the calculation. Hence, reducing working hours seemsreducing the working hours seems quite logical to me.
Furthermore, motivating employees and retaining key employees are two challenges every organisation faces in this competitive age. Reducing the working hours could be an effective way to achievesolution in achieving greaterbetter success in the long run. Since most employees, these days, perform more tasks with the help of technologydue to technological help, they should be given more time to spend with their families to establish a healthy work-life balance.
Finally, organisations that need to remain open 24/7, like hospitals, fire services, hotels and so on should implement a rostering system and take advantage of modern technology as much as possible to reduce the manual work done by people. This way they can ask their employeesemployee to work fewer hours per day and enhance their overall productivity along with establishing a healthy and productive work environment.
To conclude, considering everything, I firmly believe that the working hours of office employees should be reduced as it would both motivate staff and help organisations retain their better-performing employees and generate more output.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and concrete banking example, which explains how automation can reduce the time required for routine work. Its main limitation is that later claims about motivation, retention, and productivity are asserted more than demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the causal link between shorter hours and organisational benefits with more precise explanation and evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the question directly, maintains a clear position, and supports its main argument with relevant development.
Explain more fully why shorter hours would preserve or increase output across different workplaces, rather than relying on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised and progresses clearly, although some transitions and paragraph openings are somewhat formulaic.
Use more meaning-based links between ideas and make each later paragraph extend the central causal argument more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range and flexibility, despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Replace expressions such as technological help and better success with more natural, exact workplace vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is generally controlled, with occasional agreement, phrasing, and punctuation errors.
Check number agreement and sentence boundaries carefully, especially in long sentences containing examples or lists.