Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
A group of people assert that offices should decrease the working hours for employees since automation and technological advancement enable employees to do more work in less time. I agree with this view and will support it in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, technological advancements and computerisation in an office greatly enhance the productivity of employees. As a result, the staff can produce more output and can perform more efficiently without working for long hours. For example, in the pre-computer era, a bank cashier had to work manually, check different ledger books, verify a person’s identity and then pay a customer. Moreover, at the end of the day, the cashier had to calculate all the transactions before he could leave the office alone with other cashiers. However, this is no longer the case with automation in the banking industry. A cashier can now serve a few customers in 15 minutes and at the end of the day, the banking software does the calculation. Hence, reducing the working hours seems quite logical to me.
Furthermore, motivating employees and retaining key employees are two challenges every organisation faces in this competitive age. Reducing the working hours could be an effective solution in achieving better success in the long run. Since most employees, these days, perform more tasks due to technological help, they should be given more time to spend with their families to establish a healthy work-life balance.
Finally, organisations that need to remain open 24/7, like hospitals, fire services, hotels and so on should implement a rostering system and take advantage of modern technology as much as possible to reduce the manual work done by people. This way they can ask their employee to work fewer hours per day and enhance their overall productivity along with establishing a healthy and productive work environment.
To conclude, considering everything, I firmly believe that the working hours of office employees should be reduced as it would both motivate staff and help organisations retain their better-performing employees and generate more output.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: decrease the working hours for employees Suggested revision: reduce employees’ working hours Why it matters: 'Reduce working hours' is the more natural collocation.
- 2. Fix subject agreement Original: advancement Suggested revision: advances Why it matters: The plural noun agrees with 'enable' and matches the general claim.
- 3. Generalise accurately Original: computerisation in an office Suggested revision: computerisation in offices Why it matters: The plural form suits the general discussion of workplaces.
- 4. Remove redundancy Original: produce more output Suggested revision: produce more Why it matters: 'Produce more' already conveys an increase in output.
- 5. Remove unnecessary preposition Original: without working for long hours Suggested revision: without working long hours Why it matters: The duration phrase does not require 'for' in this construction.
- 6. Correct word choice Original: leave the office alone with other cashiers Suggested revision: leave the office along with the other cashiers Why it matters: 'Along with' expresses leaving together, whereas 'alone with' changes the meaning.
- 7. Use precise collocation Original: software does the calculation Suggested revision: software performs the calculations Why it matters: 'Performs the calculations' is more natural and precise in this context.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: reducing the working hours seems Suggested revision: reducing working hours seems Why it matters: The general phrase 'working hours' does not need the definite article here.
- 9. Fix the collocation Original: solution in achieving Suggested revision: way to achieve Why it matters: 'A way to achieve' is the natural construction for describing a means to an outcome.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: better Suggested revision: greater Why it matters: 'Greater success' is the standard collocation for an increased level of success.
- 11. Improve phrasing Original: due to technological help Suggested revision: with the help of technology Why it matters: This phrase expresses technological assistance more naturally.
- 12. Use plural noun Original: employee Suggested revision: employees Why it matters: The plural noun is required because the organisations employ multiple people.
Suggested Rewrites
- decrease the working hours for employees reduce employees’ working hours
- advancement advances
- computerisation in an office computerisation in offices
- produce more output produce more
- without working for long hours without working long hours
- leave the office alone with other cashiers leave the office along with the other cashiers
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear position and concrete banking example, which explains how automation can reduce the time required for routine work. Its main limitation is that later claims about motivation, retention, and productivity are asserted more than demonstrated. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the causal link between shorter hours and organisational benefits with more precise explanation and evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay addresses the question directly, maintains a clear position, and supports its main argument with relevant development.
Explain more fully why shorter hours would preserve or increase output across different workplaces, rather than relying on assertion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised and progresses clearly, although some transitions and paragraph openings are somewhat formulaic.
Use more meaning-based links between ideas and make each later paragraph extend the central causal argument more explicitly.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary shows sufficient range and flexibility, despite several awkward or imprecise collocations.
Replace expressions such as technological help and better success with more natural, exact workplace vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is generally controlled, with occasional agreement, phrasing, and punctuation errors.
Check number agreement and sentence boundaries carefully, especially in long sentences containing examples or lists.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore working hours in offices and factories should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.