In many countries, sports and exercises classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.
Sample Response
Sport is an important constituent of education at school and universities. However, there is a dramatic shift in this trend in some developing countries over the last few years. The authorities concerned claim that lengthy syllabus, competitive learning and studies pressure are the main hindrances that mitigate student interest to pursue in this field. I think this is not a good practice to exercise; children should provide opportunities to participate in physical activities that would help them in relaxing and developing skills such as leadership, teamwork and handling pressure. Sports play a pivotal role in health and could significantly contribute towards achieving others skills that are also important for a successful person. For instance, lack of these activities will make people lethargic and they will become more susceptible to diseases such as obesity and laziness. Furthermore, it is also seen that students without these activities are more hyper and violent in their attitudes, this will lead to severe problems in the society. Nowadays, students have to perform exceptionally well in order to compete in their peer group. That increased panic, tension and un-relaxing conditions. Therefore, exercise is a one way that can reduce their studies woes and help them to relax and reenergize for their future studies. In addition to this, students who are good in sports activities can adopt it as their future career. To sum up, I would like to say that eliminating sports activities from school curriculum would have dire consequences on students and society. We would less likely to produce players for our nation teams. Apart from that students' mental health negatively affect with the absence of sports.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use parallel plurals Original: school Suggested revision: schools Why it matters: The coordinated locations need parallel plural nouns in this general statement.
- 2. Use present perfect Original: there is a dramatic shift Suggested revision: there has been a dramatic shift Why it matters: The present perfect is required for a change occurring over the last few years.
- 3. Clarify direction of change Original: in this trend Suggested revision: away from this practice Why it matters: The original phrase does not clearly show that institutions are moving away from sport.
- 4. Use plural count noun Original: syllabus Suggested revision: syllabuses Why it matters: A general claim about multiple institutions requires the countable noun in the plural.
- 5. Use correct collocation Original: studies Suggested revision: academic Why it matters: “Academic pressure” is the natural collocation for stress caused by studies.
- 6. Correct verb meaning Original: hindrances that mitigate Suggested revision: obstacles that reduce Why it matters: “Mitigate” means make something harmful less severe and does not fit the intended negative effect on interest.
- 7. Correct noun and preposition Original: student interest to pursue in this field Suggested revision: students’ interest in pursuing sport Why it matters: The phrase needs a plural possessive and the pattern “interest in” followed by a gerund.
- 8. Use natural collocation Original: exercise Suggested revision: follow Why it matters: A practice is followed or adopted rather than exercised in this context.
- 9. Use passive voice Original: children should provide opportunities Suggested revision: children should be provided with opportunities Why it matters: Children receive the opportunities, so the clause requires the passive form.
- 10. Correct help pattern Original: help them in relaxing Suggested revision: help them relax Why it matters: After “help” and an object, the bare infinitive is the natural structure.
- 11. Correct adjective form Original: others Suggested revision: other Why it matters: “Other,” not the pronoun “others,” modifies a plural noun.
- 12. Use precise skill phrase Original: contribute towards achieving Suggested revision: contribute to developing Why it matters: Skills are developed rather than achieved, and “contribute to” is the standard pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- school schools
- there is a dramatic shift there has been a dramatic shift
- in this trend away from this practice
- syllabus syllabuses
- studies academic
- hindrances that mitigate obstacles that reduce
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear stance and identifies several relevant consequences of removing sports, particularly for health, stress, social behaviour, and future sporting opportunities. Its main limitation is that these effects are asserted rather than convincingly developed, while frequent awkward wording and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to organise the effects into distinct paragraphs and explain each through a clear cause-and-result chain.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the requested effects with a clear negative position and several relevant ideas, though support is often general or brief.
Develop two or three principal effects with precise explanations and realistic examples instead of listing additional consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a broadly logical sequence and linking words mark relationships, but the single-paragraph structure and some abrupt sentence connections weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, grouped effects, and conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one controlling idea in each body paragraph.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss education, health, and social effects, but recurring collocation and word-choice errors reduce naturalness and precision.
Prioritise accurate common collocations such as academic pressure, national teams, and pursue a sporting career over less secure ambitious wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the message, although agreement, articles, sentence boundaries, and passive constructions are frequently inaccurate.
Proofread every clause for a complete subject-verb structure and correct agreement, especially in the final sentences and passive forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, sports and exercises classes are replaced with the academic subjects. Discuss the effects of this trend.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.