It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that there are no compelling reasons for us to protect animal species from extinction as it occurs naturally. I personally disagree with this conviction and will support my argument in the essay below.
It is true that millions of years ago, many ancient species of animals, such as dinosaurs, were wiped out due to a gradual shift in climate and changing sea levels, according to some hypotheses. However, these environmental factors are not the primary contributor to the disappearance of certain species nowadays. Industrial activities have been devastating the natural habitats of wildlife and disturbing the food chain, causing the mass extinction of countless species. The increased demand for goods made from animals’ products, such as skins and horns, also leads to the rampant poaching of wild, endangered animals, rhinos for instance. In this regard, humans are held accountable and should do what is needed to rectify the situation.
Other justifications for saving wild animals involve the significant roles that they play in not only the balance of the ecosystem but also our lives. Everything in nature is connected, and if one species becomes extinct, many other animals and even plants will suffer as the food chain is disrupted. Wild animals also have great aesthetic and socio-cultural values. They contribute to our rich bio-diversity that makes this planet a beautiful place. In numerous places around the world, many types of animals play an important role in different cultures. For example, in some religions, cows are revered and worshiped as gods.
The disappearance of many animal species does not always occur as a natural process but as a consequence of our doings. It is our obligation to help preserve wild animals because their extinction will have a severe influence on many important aspects of our lives.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: as it occurs naturally Suggested revision: because extinction occurs naturally Why it matters: Naming extinction directly removes the ambiguous pronoun reference.
- 2. Use a natural noun Original: conviction Suggested revision: view Why it matters: View is the more natural noun for an opinion stated in the prompt.
- 3. Make wording concise Original: millions of years ago, many ancient species of animals Suggested revision: millions of years ago, many ancient animal species Why it matters: The noun phrase animal species is more concise and natural.
- 4. Match the plural subject Original: contributor Suggested revision: contributors Why it matters: The plural subject these environmental factors requires a plural complement.
- 5. Improve adjective order Original: wild, endangered animals Suggested revision: endangered wild animals Why it matters: This adjective order expresses the intended category more naturally.
- 6. State responsibility directly Original: humans are held accountable Suggested revision: humans are responsible Why it matters: Responsible states the causal claim more directly and naturally in this context.
- 7. Use standard spelling Original: bio-diversity Suggested revision: biodiversity Why it matters: Biodiversity is conventionally written as one word.
- 8. Use formal wording Original: doings Suggested revision: actions Why it matters: Our actions is more precise and appropriately formal for an academic essay.
- 9. Use a natural collocation Original: severe influence on Suggested revision: serious impact on Why it matters: Serious impact on is the more natural collocation for harmful consequences.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Other justifications for saving wild animals involve the significant roles that they play in not only the balance of the ecosystem but also our lives. Suggested revision: Other justifications for saving wild animals involve the significant roles they play both in maintaining ecosystem balance and in our lives. Why it matters: The rewrite restores parallel structure between the two coordinated roles.
Suggested Rewrites
- as it occurs naturally because extinction occurs naturally
- conviction view
- millions of years ago, many ancient species of animals millions of years ago, many ancient animal species
- contributor contributors
- wild, endangered animals endangered wild animals
- humans are held accountable humans are responsible
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear, consistently maintained position, supported by well-developed explanations of human responsibility and the ecological and cultural value of wildlife. Its main limitation is that a few claims and examples remain broad or slightly imprecise. The highest-priority improvement is to sharpen the supporting evidence with more specific, convincingly framed examples while preserving the essay’s strong logical progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question with a clear position and develops two relevant, well-supported reasons for preventing extinction.
Make the cultural-value example more precisely connected to species preservation and add a more concrete supporting detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader smoothly without obscuring relationships.
Reduce reliance on overt linking phrases and let the logical connection between adjacent sentences carry more of the progression.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary is used flexibly, including effective topic-specific language about habitats, poaching, ecosystems, and cultural value.
Refine occasional awkward collocations such as references to animal products or human actions to make expression consistently natural.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex structures with strong control, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede meaning.
Check agreement and sentence structure in the small number of awkward constructions to achieve more consistently polished accuracy.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.