It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that the extinction of animals happens naturally and it is not vita l to avoid this global issue before it becomes worse. I completely disagree with this idea because of several reasons discussed in this essay.
In fact, dinosaurs were one of the extinct animals that were killed by the meteorite falling to the Earth. However, these days, it is undeniable that the growth of the modern world is critical to destroying natural habitats. First of all, we clearly see the expansion of factories all over the world. It can lead to habitat loss of many wild animals, resulting in many animals not having a place to live, while others find it difficult to adapt to a new environment. Moreover, both terrestrial and marine animals are currently being extensively hunted, as they are falsely believed to be essential for human health. This action may push many animal species to the verge of extinction.
Other justifications for saving wild animals involve their importance in the food chain. Firstly, every animal plays a specific role in the ecosystem and closely connects to other animals. If one animal goes extinct, one chain in the large ecosystem breaks and nature can be affected badly. For instance, the falling number of lions in America can lead to the increase of baboons, which can consequently damage the crop production in the area.. In addition, animals are also a paramount food source. If domesticated animals disappear, humans have to resort to vegetarian meat which might lack nutrients.
In conclusion, human actions are the crucial factor leading to the extinction of many animals. It is crucial that we do something to deal with this problem in order to maintain the diversity of biodiversity.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise verb Original: avoid this global issue Suggested revision: prevent this global problem Why it matters: A problem is prevented or addressed rather than avoided in this context.
- 2. Fix reason phrase Original: because of several reasons Suggested revision: for several reasons Why it matters: Use “for several reasons” to introduce the grounds for the opinion.
- 3. Clarify causal wording Original: growth of the modern world is critical to destroying natural habitats Suggested revision: development of the modern world is a major cause of habitat destruction Why it matters: The original collocation incorrectly describes development as being essential to destruction.
- 4. Fix preposition Original: of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: “Habitat loss for animals” correctly identifies the animals affected by the loss.
- 5. Make result concise Original: resulting in many animals not having a place to live Suggested revision: leaving many animals without a place to live Why it matters: This participial form expresses the result more directly and naturally.
- 6. Improve adverb placement Original: currently being extensively hunted Suggested revision: currently being hunted extensively Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the verb phrase makes the wording more natural.
- 7. Clarify causal link Original: as they are falsely believed Suggested revision: because they are mistakenly believed Why it matters: “Because” states the causal relationship clearly, while “mistakenly” modifies the belief naturally.
- 8. Match singular focus Original: Other justifications Suggested revision: Another justification Why it matters: The paragraph initially introduces one justification, so the singular form is required.
- 9. Use passive form Original: closely connects to Suggested revision: is closely connected to Why it matters: The animal is described as having a connection, which requires the passive construction here.
- 10. Use accurate metaphor Original: one chain in the large ecosystem breaks Suggested revision: one link in the larger ecosystem breaks Why it matters: A link, rather than a whole chain, represents one animal’s role in the ecosystem.
- 11. Place adverb naturally Original: can be affected badly Suggested revision: can be badly affected Why it matters: The adverb normally precedes the past participle in this passive construction.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: falling Suggested revision: declining Why it matters: “Declining number” is the standard collocation for a population becoming smaller.
Suggested Rewrites
- avoid this global issue prevent this global problem
- because of several reasons for several reasons
- growth of the modern world is critical to destroying natural habitats development of the modern world is a major cause of habitat destruction
- of for
- resulting in many animals not having a place to live leaving many animals without a place to live
- currently being extensively hunted currently being hunted extensively
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with relevant arguments about human responsibility and ecological consequences. Its main limitation is that some support is imprecise or questionable, particularly the claims about lions, baboons, and domesticated animals, while several awkward expressions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with accurate, directly relevant evidence and more natural phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear disagreement is sustained and supported by two relevant lines of argument, though some examples are insufficiently convincing or precise.
Replace the weaker food-source and wildlife examples with accurate evidence that directly explains why preventing extinction is necessary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into purposeful paragraphs with clear overall progression and generally effective linking.
Strengthen the internal progression of the third paragraph so each example follows more directly from the ecosystem argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the topic, but several spelling and collocational problems reduce precision and naturalness.
Check word forms and collocations such as those concerning habitat destruction, population decline, and biodiversity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning clearly, although agreement, article, punctuation, and phrasing errors recur.
Proofread complex sentences for subject-verb agreement, articles, and punctuation, especially where clauses are combined.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaur, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.