Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Crimes, in many countries, have gone beyond the tolerable rate, and it is a common practice to incarcerate convicted people. A segment of society opines that not all crimes are equal and the repercussion of harsh sentences for all offences is uncivilised. They outline the need for unpaid community service as punishment for mild offenders and youngsters, and I also believe that certain offenders should be given non-custodial sentences.
The predominant reason for me to believe in voluntary community service like cleaning streets, planting trees, and working for charity instead of the prison sentence is that many offenders are not born criminals, and circumstances often push them to commit a transgression. When such unpremeditated convicts are expelled from society, they incline to re-offend in isolation as there is none to accept them. In a similar fashion, juvenile delinquents should be rehabilitated by indulging them in community services, and not put them behind bars with other serious criminals. A recent study reveals that many youngsters who had been in prison for a long time often end up becoming even bigger criminals.
Moreover, one of the main objectives of our justice system is to control the crime rate and let offenders come clean. So if we give mild offenders large prison sentences, they would never get the chance to transform themselves. The unpaid community services, unlike harsh prison sentences, let offenders repent for their crimes, get close to other people and understand the essence of good deeds. To illustrate, around 80% of people who had to take part in cleaning and taking care of elderly people as part of their first-time small violations of laws in the state of California said that it positively impacted their view on crimes and changed their mentality. The same can not be said for the people who are put behind bars.
To recapitulate, minor misconduct should be treated differently than serious offences and thus deserves different punishments like unpaid community work. The objective of the law is to maintain peace in society, not to punish people. Thus unpaid community service is a great option to let some convicted lament their crime, do something good for society, and transform into good citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural collocation Original: Crimes, in many countries, have gone beyond the tolerable rate Suggested revision: Crime rates in many countries have risen beyond tolerable levels Why it matters: Rates rise to levels; individual crimes do not go beyond a rate.
- 2. Use a plural subject Original: repercussion Suggested revision: consequences Why it matters: The argument refers to multiple effects of multiple sentences, so a plural noun is clearer.
- 3. Use a stronger reporting verb Original: They outline the need for Suggested revision: They advocate Why it matters: “Advocate” directly expresses support for the proposed punishment.
- 4. Add an article Original: service as punishment Suggested revision: service as a punishment Why it matters: The singular countable noun “punishment” needs an article here.
- 5. Specify the relevant group Original: mild offenders and youngsters Suggested revision: minor and juvenile offenders Why it matters: “Youngsters” is informal and does not necessarily mean people convicted of offences.
- 6. Match compulsory punishment Original: voluntary Suggested revision: compulsory Why it matters: A court-ordered alternative to prison is compulsory rather than voluntary.
- 7. Use the correct article Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: The sentence refers to prison sentences generally, not one previously identified sentence.
- 8. Describe the offence Original: unpremeditated convicts Suggested revision: offenders whose crimes were unpremeditated Why it matters: Premeditation describes a crime rather than the person convicted of it.
- 9. Use the natural construction Original: they incline to re-offend Suggested revision: they are more likely to reoffend Why it matters: “Be likely to” is the natural construction for a tendency or probability.
- 10. Use a personal pronoun Original: there is none to accept them Suggested revision: no one is willing to accept them Why it matters: “No one” is the natural pronoun when referring to people.
- 11. Choose the correct verb Original: indulging Suggested revision: involving Why it matters: “Involve” means to engage someone in an activity, whereas “indulge” has a different meaning.
- 12. Improve parallel structure Original: community services, and not put Suggested revision: community service rather than put Why it matters: The paired structure “rehabilitated ... rather than put” presents the two alternatives clearly.
Suggested Rewrites
- Crimes, in many countries, have gone beyond the tolerable rate Crime rates in many countries have risen beyond tolerable levels
- repercussion consequences
- They outline the need for They advocate
- service as punishment service as a punishment
- mild offenders and youngsters minor and juvenile offenders
- voluntary compulsory
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay sustains a clear, appropriately qualified position and develops persuasive reasons centred on rehabilitation, reduced reoffending, and social reintegration. Its main limitation is lexical precision: several sophisticated-looking expressions are used unnaturally, and the numerical study is presented without credible grounding. The highest-priority improvement is to retain the strong argument structure while using exact criminal-justice terminology and more defensible illustrative evidence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout and both main reasons are fully developed with relevant explanations and examples focused on minor and young offenders.
Clarify that community work is compulsory rather than voluntary and support the rehabilitation claim with a credible general example instead of an unverifiable statistic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is well sequenced, paragraphs are purposeful, and comparisons between imprisonment and community service progress coherently.
Trim repeated references to transformation and rehabilitation so each paragraph advances a more distinct reason.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a wide criminal-justice vocabulary, but recurrent miscollocations such as mild offenders, large sentences, and lament their crime reduce precision.
Use accurate terms such as minor offenders, lengthy sentences, first-time offences, make amends, and show remorse.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used confidently and most are accurate, with occasional agreement, article, conditional, and reference errors.
Polish agreement and hypothetical forms in sentences about misconduct, community services, and what offenders would gain.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.