Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
There has been a growing trend in some societies to consider making certain prisoners undertake unpaid community work instead of being imprisoned. While this may seem like a radical idea, I believe that it can help both prisoners and the wider community. In this essay, I will argue that it should be implemented more widely.
Firstly, forcing some offenders to engage in unpaid community work can be an effective form of punishment that benefits society. Many prisoners have skills and abilities that could be put to good use in the community, such as gardening, cleaning, painting and manufacturing. By requiring them to perform these tasks, they can contribute to society while atoning for their crimes. In addition, it can be a form of restorative justice, where the offender has an opportunity to make amends for the harm caused to the community.
Secondly, this approach can also have a positive impact on the offenders themselves. Being behind bars for extended periods can be a dehumanizing experience that strips people of their dignity and sense of purpose. Community work, on the other hand, can help prisoners to feel more connected to the wider world and give them a sense of accomplishment. It can also provide them with valuable skills and work experience that can be useful when they are released back into society.
Finally, the financial benefits of this approach cannot be ignored. Keeping people in prison is a costly endeavour, and many societies simply cannot afford to continue incarcerating large numbers of people. By requiring prisoners to engage in community work, they can help offset some of the costs of their incarceration. In addition, it can be a way to create jobs and opportunities for those who might otherwise struggle to find work.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that requiring certain prisoners to engage in unpaid community work is a great way of helping both prisoners and society. It can be an effective form of punishment that provides prisoners with a sense of purpose and accomplishment, and create jobs and opportunities for those who need them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise policy phrase Original: a growing trend in some societies to consider making Suggested revision: increasing consideration in some societies of making Why it matters: The replacement removes the awkward sequence of “trend,” “consider,” and “making.”
- 2. Clarify policy reference Original: it should be implemented Suggested revision: this policy should be implemented Why it matters: Naming the policy removes the vague pronoun reference.
- 3. Remove semantic overlap Original: skills and abilities Suggested revision: skills Why it matters: “Skills” and “abilities” overlap in meaning here.
- 4. Use formal contribution phrase Original: put to good use Suggested revision: used productively Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and less idiomatic.
- 5. Name community work Original: it can be a form of restorative justice Suggested revision: community work can be a form of restorative justice Why it matters: The explicit subject prevents an unclear reference to the previous sentence.
- 6. Use formal imprisonment term Original: Being behind bars Suggested revision: Imprisonment Why it matters: The single formal noun is more suitable for an academic essay.
- 7. Use concise help pattern Original: help prisoners to feel Suggested revision: help prisoners feel Why it matters: “Help” can take the base verb directly without “to.”
- 8. Remove redundant direction Original: released back into society Suggested revision: released into society Why it matters: “Released” already implies a return, so “back” is unnecessary.
- 9. Use precise evaluation Original: a great way of helping Suggested revision: an effective way to help Why it matters: “Effective” is more specific and academic than “great.”
- 10. Fix parallel agreement Original: create Suggested revision: creates Why it matters: The coordinated verb must agree with the singular subject “It.”
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: By requiring prisoners to engage in community work, they can help offset some of the costs of their incarceration. Suggested revision: Requiring prisoners to engage in community work can help offset some of the costs of incarceration. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the dangling introductory modifier and clarifies what produces the savings.
Suggested Rewrites
- a growing trend in some societies to consider making increasing consideration in some societies of making
- it should be implemented this policy should be implemented
- skills and abilities skills
- put to good use used productively
- it can be a form of restorative justice community work can be a form of restorative justice
- Being behind bars Imprisonment
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay states a clear supportive position and develops coherent social, rehabilitative, and financial benefits of community work with a strong paragraph structure and precise language. Its main limitation is that it never defines which prisoners are suitable and some financial and job-creation claims are insufficiently qualified; the highest-priority improvement is to establish eligibility safeguards and explain how the scheme would operate without replacing paid employment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is consistently supported by three developed benefits, but the crucial qualifier "certain prisoners" is not explored and some practical claims need stronger justification.
Specify that non-violent or low-risk offenders would be eligible and explain how supervision, public safety, and paid-job displacement would be managed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses cleanly from position through social, personal, and financial benefits to a concise conclusion, with effective paragraph focus and linking.
Strengthen the transition into the financial paragraph by connecting lower incarceration costs explicitly to the earlier rehabilitation argument.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise range includes terms such as "restorative justice," "atoning," "incarcerating," and "sense of accomplishment," with strong control throughout.
Use a more neutral phrase than "a great way" in the conclusion, such as "an effective alternative for suitable offenders."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are varied and largely error-free, with only minor agreement and parallelism lapses near the conclusion.
Correct the final coordination to "provides prisoners with a sense of purpose and creates opportunities" or restructure it for exact parallelism.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think certain prisoners should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.