With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat, and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?
Sample Response
The detrimental effects of deforestation, urbanization, and illegal hunting have exacerbated the decline of numerous animal populations, endangering their survival. I believe that safeguarding these species not only upholds ethical responsibilities but also ensures the sustenance of ecosystems upon which human well-being relies. Various measures can be implemented to address this critical issue.
The protection of animals is undeniably crucial for maintaining the balance of ecosystems, preserving biodiversity, and safeguarding the planet's well-being. Animals play integral roles within their respective ecosystems, contributing to ecological stability and sustaining natural processes. Furthermore, many species hold intrinsic value and embody unique genetic diversity essential for scientific research and potential medical discoveries. Beyond ecological significance, ethical considerations underscore the responsibility to prevent the extinction of various species caused by human activities.
To protect those animals, stringent legislation and enforcement against illegal hunting, poaching, and trafficking of endangered species are imperative. Governments and international bodies should collaborate to enact and reinforce laws that combat these illegal activities, imposing severe penalties to deter offenders. Secondly, habitat conservation and restoration efforts play a crucial role. Preserving natural habitats through the creation of protected areas, national parks, and wildlife reserves is essential to provide safe havens for endangered species to thrive.
Furthermore, community engagement and education are vital components of animal conservation. Educating local communities about the significance of wildlife preservation and involving them in conservation efforts can foster a sense of stewardship towards wildlife and encourage sustainable coexistence between humans and animals. For instance, empowering local communities through education and collaboration can turn them from spectators to protectors of their unique wildlife heritage.
In conclusion, protecting endangered animals is a crucial responsibility that demands concerted efforts. Adopting stringent laws, preserving habitats, and educating communities are pivotal steps toward ensuring the survival and thriving of endangered animal species.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise collocation Original: exacerbated Suggested revision: accelerated Why it matters: Accelerated more directly expresses that these activities have made population loss happen faster.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: the sustenance of ecosystems Suggested revision: the continued functioning of ecosystems Why it matters: This phrase states more naturally that ecosystems must keep operating effectively.
- 3. Use idiomatic phrasing Original: upon which human well-being relies Suggested revision: on which human well-being depends Why it matters: Depends on is the more natural collocation in this context.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: The protection of animals Suggested revision: Protecting animals Why it matters: The gerund form makes the sentence more direct without changing its meaning.
- 5. Choose precise noun phrase Original: the planet's well-being Suggested revision: the health of the planet Why it matters: The revised phrase is a more conventional way to describe environmental condition.
- 6. Improve adjective placement Original: potential Suggested revision: future Why it matters: Future more clearly modifies the discoveries rather than suggesting that the discoveries themselves are only potential.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: those Suggested revision: endangered Why it matters: Naming the group directly creates a clearer link to the species discussed earlier.
- 8. Use correct legal verb Original: reinforce Suggested revision: enforce Why it matters: Governments enforce laws after enacting them; reinforce is inaccurate here.
- 9. Clarify modifier Original: provide safe havens for endangered species to thrive Suggested revision: provide safe havens in which endangered species can thrive Why it matters: The revision makes it clear that the species, rather than the safe havens, perform the action thrive.
- 10. Use correct preposition Original: towards Suggested revision: of Why it matters: Stewardship conventionally takes of when naming what is being protected.
- 11. Use parallel nouns Original: thriving Suggested revision: recovery Why it matters: Survival and recovery form a clearer parallel pair of nouns in this conservation context.
Suggested Rewrites
- exacerbated accelerated
- the sustenance of ecosystems the continued functioning of ecosystems
- upon which human well-being relies on which human well-being depends
- The protection of animals Protecting animals
- the planet's well-being the health of the planet
- potential future
Why this response received Band 8.0
This response directly answers both parts of the task and presents a convincing, logically organized case for animal protection. Its clearest strength is the range of relevant measures, while the main limitation is that some support remains generalized and the community example largely restates the claim. To improve further, develop one measure with a concrete cause-and-effect example and tighten a few slightly inflated phrases.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the importance of animal protection and develops several relevant, feasible measures.
Deepen one proposed measure with a specific example showing how it would produce conservation results.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through a purposeful introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Make the transition from law enforcement to habitat protection slightly more explicit within the third paragraph.
Lexical Resource
A wide, precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of ecological, ethical, and policy issues.
Replace slightly inflated phrases such as "sustenance of ecosystems" with more natural, exact wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with strong control of clauses and punctuation.
Proofread for the rare awkward nominal construction so otherwise sophisticated sentences remain fully natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat, and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.