Development in science and technology has caused environmental problems. Some people say that science and technology can solve environmental problems, while others believe that a simpler way of life will protect the environment. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Society is becoming increasingly dependent on science and technology. We depend on technological advances not only to improve the quality of our lives, but also to solve many problems. One of the problems that we consistently look to science to solve is the environmental degradation that we face today. In my opinion, both technological development and a simpler way of life are necessary to protect the environment.
Science and technology can offer some solutions to this difficult problem. Clean energy can be developed to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Solar and wind power are sustainable alternatives to fossil fuels. Recycling technologies can help reduce industrial waste and relieve the pressure on natural resources. Highly efficient and energy-saving household appliances are also environmentally friendly because they help decrease power consumption.
Alternatively, there are those who support a simpler way of life. These people believe that developing good habits can benefit the environment. For example, cycling and taking public transportation are much more environmentally friendly ways to travel than driving a private car. They recommend using fans instead of air conditioners, using cloth shopping bags instead of plastic bags, recycling whenever possible, and consuming locally produced seasonal food to reduce the need for long-distance transportation. The main idea behind these actions is to reduce the consumption of energy and other natural resources, as well as the amount of waste produced.
In conclusion, although a completely pollution-free world may not be realistic, collective effort is absolutely necessary. To achieve this goal, we need green technologies as well as changes in our behaviour. Both approaches should be adopted at the same time to create a cleaner world for present and future generations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. 词汇搭配优化 Original: relieve the pressure Suggested revision: relieve pressure Why it matters: 在表达“减轻压力”时,搭配不可数名词 pressure 前通常无需加定冠词 the。
- 2. 拼写与连字符 Original: Highly efficient Suggested revision: Highly-efficient Why it matters: 作为复合形容词修饰名词短语时,加上连字符表达会更为规范。
- 3. 句式多变性 Original: Society is becoming increasingly dependent on Suggested revision: Modern society has become increasingly reliant on Why it matters: 使用完成时态与高阶形容词 reliant 能使首句开篇更有学术议论文的质感。
- 4. 学术词汇替换 Original: difficult problem Suggested revision: pressing issue Why it matters: difficult problem 略显口语化,用 pressing issue 或 complex challenge 更符合学术写作规范。
- 5. 地道表达强化 Original: fossil fuels Suggested revision: conventional fossil fuels Why it matters: 加上 conventional 可突出与新能源(sustainable alternatives)的对比。
- 6. 动词搭配 Original: decrease power consumption Suggested revision: reduce electricity consumption Why it matters: 表达“降低用电量”时,reduce electricity consumption 比 decrease power consumption 更自然地道。
- 7. 段落衔接词 Original: Alternatively, there are those who support Suggested revision: On the other hand, proponents of Why it matters: Alternatively 较常用于提供替代方案;讨论另一方观点时,使用 On the other hand 更准确。
- 8. 用词升级 Original: developing good habits Suggested revision: adopting sustainable daily habits Why it matters: sustainable daily habits 比 generalized 的 good habits 更贴合环保主题。
- 9. 名词单复数 Original: car Suggested revision: cars Why it matters: 此处泛指私家车,建议使用复数形式 private cars。
- 10. 逻辑总结词 Original: The main idea behind these actions is to Suggested revision: The ultimate purpose of these personal practices is to Why it matters: 用 ultimate purpose 替换 main idea,能更清晰地指明这些行为背后的核心意图与效果。
- 11. 词汇丰富度 Original: completely pollution-free world Suggested revision: entirely pollution-free environment Why it matters: environment 比 world 在环保论题中表意更精准。
- 12. 名词形式 Original: changes in our behaviour Suggested revision: fundamental changes in human behavior Why it matters: 增加形容词限定并明确主体,使表达更具说服力和学术严密性。
Suggested Rewrites
- relieve the pressure relieve pressure
- Highly efficient Highly-efficient
- Society is becoming increasingly dependent on Modern society has become increasingly reliant on
- difficult problem pressing issue
- fossil fuels conventional fossil fuels
- decrease power consumption reduce electricity consumption
Why this response received Band 8.0
文章结构清晰,逻辑严密,完整探讨了科技手段与简洁生活方式对环境保护的作用并明确表达了个人立场。语言表达自然流畅,词汇丰富且句式多变,几乎没有语法错误。若能对两种观点的潜在局限性进行更深入的对比分析,论证深度将进一步提升。
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
任务回应
文章全面回应了题目要求,清晰地讨论了双方观点并给出了切题且始终一致的个人立场。
可以尝试探讨某种单一方式的局限性,从而使“两者结合”的立论更加具有批判性和说服力。
连贯与衔接
段落划分合理,句间衔接自然,逻辑推进非常连贯。
可进一步丰富段落内部的让步或对比衔接词,使观点之间的逻辑过渡更加立体。
词汇资源
使用了丰富且地道的环保话题词汇与搭配,表达精准且变化多样。
继续保持自然准确的词汇运用,可适当引入少量更高级的学术词汇来增加语言丰富度。
语法多样性与准确性
句式结构多样,复合句运用熟练,全文表现出极高的语法准确度。
可继续保持高准确率,并适度运用倒装句或分词短语作状语等复杂句式来增强句式多样性。
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Development in science and technology has caused environmental problems. Some people say that science and technology can solve environmental problems, while others believe that a simpler way of life will protect the environment. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.