More and more young people use the Internet to socialise. Why do you think young people prefer this way of socialising? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
The escalating trend of young individuals gravitating towards the Internet for social interaction has become widely debatedpresents an issue of great debate. While some perceive this shift as advantageous, I wholeheartedly contend that it constitutesembodies a negative development because of its significant drawbacksowing to certain consequential drawbacks. DeleteIn this essay, I will explain why this is a negative trend.
This trend of young people using the Internet as their main means of socialisingThe escalating trend of young individuals utilizing the Internet as their primary medium for socializing can be attributed to several factors. Firstly, the Internet offers a vast array of social platforms and communication tools that facilitate instantaneous and global connectivity, enabling young people to interact and forge friendships regardless of geographical boundaries. Secondly, the digital realm provides a sense of anonymity and comfort, allowing individuals to express themselves freely without the constraints or pressures often associated with face-to-face interactions.
However, excessive reliance on online socialisation can impede genuine face-to-face interaction and hinder the development of crucial interpersonal skills among young peoplefor youngsters. The virtual realm, often characterised by anonymity and the absence of physical presence, lacks the nuanced communication cues presentprevalent in real-life interactions. For instance, prolonged engagement in online forums or social media platforms might deter young people from honing essential social skills, such as effective communication, empathy, and conflict resolution, which are indispensable in real-world interactions. Consequently, this could lead to a generation more accustomed to digital relationships but potentially deficient in authentic human connections.
Moreover, the pervasive nature of online socialisation can exacerbate social isolation and mental health problemsexacerbate issues of social isolation and mental health concerns among the youth. Spending excessive amounts of time onlineSpending excessive hours online, engrossed in social media or virtual conversations, might foster feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, and depression, especially when young people compare themselves withespecially when comparing oneself to the curated and often idealised online personas. Research has linked increased screen time and social media usage to elevated stress levels and diminished psychological well-being among young individuals.
In conclusion, the burgeoning reliance on the Internet as a primary means of socialising amongst the youth has harmful consequencesportends detrimental repercussions. It jeopardises the cultivation of essential social skills and poses a risk to mental well-being, thereby representing a negative societal development inamidst the digital era.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully answers both questions and develops a persuasive negative evaluation through clear explanations of social-skills and mental-health risks. Its main limitation is a tendency toward inflated or repetitive phrasing, which occasionally reduces naturalness despite strong control. The highest-priority improvement is to use more direct wording and add a little more nuance about the conditions under which online socialising becomes harmful.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both reasons for the preference and the negative evaluation are fully addressed through relevant, well-developed arguments.
Qualify the evaluation by distinguishing ordinary online interaction from excessive use and explaining when the risks become significant.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly from causes to two distinct consequences, with well-managed paragraphing and cohesive links.
Remove repetition between the opening sentences and use the introduction more efficiently to preview both parts of the response.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, topic-specific, and generally precise, though some expressions are unnecessarily ornate or formulaic.
Prefer concise, natural phrasing over inflated expressions such as consequential drawbacks and detrimental repercussions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used flexibly and accurately, with almost all sentences error-free.
Polish the few potentially awkward modifying structures and maintain clear reference in long sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more young people use the Internet to socialise. Why do you think young people prefer this way of socialising? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.