Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? Give your views in not less than 250 words.
Sample Response
Having an efficient workforce has always been one of the most complicated issues faced by industries and companies all around the world. Thus, it is quite controversial whether older experienced workers should be substituted with younger ones. Since strong arguments exist in support of both notions, both of them should be discussed carefully before any conclusion is drawn. However, my personal opinion is that a younger workforce for industry is more important. On the one hand, old workers can contribute vital benefits to the industry due to their sufficient experience in the sector. The first and foremost benefit obtained from old workers is that they know the existing system of the industry quite well. Regarding powerful and weak sides of the industry, they can decide solutions in the most convenient and efficient ways. Furthermore, industries should appreciate their work experience and utilise their knowledge comprehensively in order to maximize the profit rate. A strong argument can ofcourse be made from the opposite position. Young people are enthusiastic and full of new ideas. Since they are never afraid of taking risks, they can utilise chances maximumly. Due to youngsters' creativeness and efforts, the industry can boost its profit and enhance its facility. Hence, if industries aim to promote productiveness, they should encourage young workers and give broader chances to them. Moreover, young people have greater exposure to new technologies which is a substantial advantage of having them. On all accounts, although older workers have sufficient experiences, industries should promote more young workers in order to acquire accomplishments. As far as I am concerned, we should inspire the young generation, because we should not forget that they are builders of our future life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use replacement collocation Original: substituted with younger ones Suggested revision: replaced by younger ones Why it matters: Workers are replaced by other workers, whereas substituted with is awkward in this passive construction.
- 2. Name opposing positions Original: notions Suggested revision: positions Why it matters: Positions is more precise for two sides of a workplace debate.
- 3. Add the article Original: for industry is more important Suggested revision: for an industry is more important Why it matters: Industry is a singular count noun here and requires an article.
- 4. Fix verb collocation Original: contribute vital benefits Suggested revision: provide significant benefits Why it matters: Provide benefits is the natural verb-noun collocation.
- 5. Use concise possession Original: existing system of the industry Suggested revision: industry's existing systems Why it matters: The possessive form is more concise, and systems better reflects multiple workplace processes.
- 6. Use standard contrast Original: powerful and weak sides of the industry Suggested revision: strengths and weaknesses of the industry Why it matters: Strengths and weaknesses is the standard expression for positive and negative aspects.
- 7. Fix solution collocation Original: decide Suggested revision: devise Why it matters: Solutions are devised or developed rather than decided.
- 8. Use precise adjective Original: convenient Suggested revision: practical Why it matters: Practical more accurately describes workable industrial solutions than convenient.
- 9. Use natural wording Original: appreciate their work experience Suggested revision: value their experience Why it matters: Value their experience is a more natural and concise expression.
- 10. Fix the collocation Original: utilise their knowledge comprehensively Suggested revision: make full use of their knowledge Why it matters: Make full use of is the natural expression for applying knowledge completely.
- 11. Use profit collocation Original: maximize the profit rate Suggested revision: maximize profits Why it matters: Businesses maximize profits rather than a profit rate in this context.
- 12. Separate the words Original: ofcourse Suggested revision: of course Why it matters: Of course is written as two words.
Suggested Rewrites
- substituted with younger ones replaced by younger ones
- notions positions
- for industry is more important for an industry is more important
- contribute vital benefits provide significant benefits
- existing system of the industry industry's existing systems
- powerful and weak sides of the industry strengths and weaknesses of the industry
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response's strongest feature is its clear comparison of older workers' institutional knowledge with younger workers' enthusiasm, ideas, and technological familiarity. Its main limitation is that it advocates promoting young people without fully deciding whether wholesale replacement of experienced staff is wise, and numerous unnatural word choices reduce precision. The highest priority is to evaluate the consequences of replacement directly and propose a clearly justified staffing decision rather than relying on broad claims about youth.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant benefits of both age groups are discussed and a preference for younger workers is stated, but the wisdom of replacing experienced staff is not evaluated precisely enough.
Address the risks of losing expertise and explain whether replacement, gradual succession, or a mixed workforce would best serve the industry.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable older-versus-younger sequence, but the single-paragraph format and formulaic transitions weaken overall organisation.
Use separate paragraphs for experienced workers, younger workers, and the final comparative judgment.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of workplace vocabulary, but frequent incorrect collocations and word formations make several claims sound unnatural.
Use precise combinations such as identify solutions, seize opportunities, creativity, improve productivity, and achieve results.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is used with generally understandable control, although errors in articles, number, reference, and clause construction remain noticeable.
Proofread plural and uncountable nouns and ensure introductory phrases connect grammatically to the subject of the main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Is it wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young individuals who have less experience? Give your views in not less than 250 words.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.