Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The manner in which children spent their free time varies greatly from one to another. It is argued that pupils should be involved in tasks which are related to education in this period. However, I believe that utilising spare interval performing physical activities and watching television will help recuperate their health and concentration. To begin with, young people are required to perform body movements for improving their physical abilities. A good illustration for this is the activity planned in the school timetable which always include some periods dedicated to sports. As a result, they are forced to get involved in the activities which require motion resulting in maintaining their fitness level. Thus, it is apparent that doing such exercises will contribute towards the physical development of a child. In addition, continuous focus towards studies can result in the problems related to the concentration. For instance, if a student is asked to perform an educational task in his extra time also, there are chances that he might start feeling frustrated with studies. Instead, if he utilises this span for watching television, he can feel relaxed and thereby, he will be more attentive when he starts learning again. Therefore, it is obvious that such breaks will help them to enhance the attention level. In conclusion, getting engrossed in activities other than education not only helps to improve the health but also fosters the mental fitness. Thus, this clearly debunks the idea that pupils should only perform tasks which aim towards the acquisition of knowledge in order to avoid wasting time. It is expected that parents will be made aware of the advantages of spending free moments doing other tasks for the children in the foreseeable future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use present tense Original: spent Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The essay describes a general present situation, so “spend” is required.
- 2. Complete comparison Original: varies greatly from one to another Suggested revision: varies greatly from one child to another Why it matters: The comparison needs to identify the people represented by “one” and “another.”
- 3. Use concise wording Original: tasks which are related to education in this period Suggested revision: educational tasks during this time Why it matters: The revision removes a wordy relative clause and clarifies the time reference.
- 4. Use activity collocation Original: perform body movements Suggested revision: engage in physical activity Why it matters: “Engage in physical activity” is the natural formal expression.
- 5. Use purpose infinitive Original: for improving their physical abilities Suggested revision: to improve their physical abilities Why it matters: An infinitive expresses the purpose of the required activity more naturally.
- 6. Fix focus collocation Original: towards Suggested revision: on Why it matters: The noun “focus” takes the preposition “on.”
- 7. Remove unnecessary articles Original: the problems related to the concentration Suggested revision: problems with concentration Why it matters: Concentration is an uncountable general concept and takes no definite article here.
- 8. Use neutral time phrase Original: in his extra time also Suggested revision: during their free time as well Why it matters: The revision uses a gender-neutral pronoun and places the additive phrase naturally.
- 9. Use direct modal Original: there are chances that he might start feeling Suggested revision: they may begin to feel Why it matters: The revision removes the wordy existential structure and uses a gender-neutral pronoun.
- 10. Use natural preposition Original: frustrated with studies Suggested revision: frustrated by their studies Why it matters: “Frustrated by” identifies the studies as the cause more clearly.
- 11. Use natural time phrase Original: utilises this span for watching television Suggested revision: uses this time to watch television Why it matters: The revision replaces the unnatural “utilises this span” and uses an infinitive of purpose.
- 12. Fix pronoun and linkage Original: he can feel relaxed and thereby, he will be Suggested revision: they can relax and thereby become Why it matters: The revision uses a gender-neutral pronoun and removes the unnecessary comma and repeated subject.
Suggested Rewrites
- spent spend
- varies greatly from one to another varies greatly from one child to another
- tasks which are related to education in this period educational tasks during this time
- perform body movements engage in physical activity
- for improving their physical abilities to improve their physical abilities
- towards on
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear disagreement and supports it with two relevant benefits of non-academic leisure, using explanations and examples that are easy to follow. However, the entire answer is presented as one paragraph and several awkward word combinations weaken precision. The highest priority is to divide the argument into purposeful paragraphs and replace unnatural phrases with simpler, idiomatic wording while preserving the clear line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is sustained throughout, and the physical and mental benefits of non-educational leisure are relevantly explained and illustrated.
Strengthen the argument by making the examples more directly about freely chosen leisure rather than scheduled school activities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a clear progression with effective signposting, but presenting the whole response as one paragraph weakens organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into distinct paragraphs with one controlling purpose each.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of topic vocabulary, though recurring awkward collocations make several points sound unnatural.
Prefer precise combinations such as free time, physical health, sustained concentration, and educational activities over forced or overly formal wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a useful range of complex structures, but recurring agreement, article, preposition, and construction errors limit grammatical control.
Check every complex sentence for subject-verb agreement and remove unnecessary articles or prepositions before finalising the response.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.