Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
It is in favour of the company to inspire the old employees to retire who are still working at higher positions at the age of 55.That will benefit the company as well as the employee. In my view, there are several reasons for which the old employee should take retirement at age 55. First of all fresh talents will improve the production. Young employees are energetic and fast. They are inexperienced but they are capable of doing work with more dedication. Even some are so fast that they can do many tasks at once. Due to increases in technological usages and complexity companies are required for persons who have good skills and talents to run the company according to market demands. In my making company analytical calculation is done in excel sheet instead of paper and it is proven that young people are better in computing and other technologies compared to the aged people. Moreover, it will improve cooperation in the workplaces. Employees have developed good relationships with higher authority due to prolonged years of working together, so they avoid working or do little and always seek favours of their boss. This is a hurdle in a workplace and it keeps away other loyal and hardworking people to progress. This will be ended by hiring new young employees at higher posts. The junior employees will more supportive and the young supervisors and management will readily coordinate him. At my son's school, a newly appointed teacher got the award of the best teacher within two years and it shows the necessity of young workers at workplaces. Finally, it is respectable for the employees over 55 years old to retire timely. With the increase of age, the mind will not remain as efficient and sharp. Employees start making mistakes and lag behind in their assigned tasks when they get old and as a result higher managements force them to retire. The person also becomes the victim of fellow employees and junior workers jokes like “slug doing work with speed" etc. Finally, it is clear that company should make places for young peoples and encourage old people to retire. This will not only increase company's production and cooperation but also will save respect for the old employee.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use reason clause Original: reasons for which Suggested revision: reasons why Why it matters: Reasons why is the natural structure introducing an explanation.
- 2. Fix number and verb Original: the old employee should take retirement Suggested revision: older employees should retire Why it matters: The general claim needs a plural noun and the direct verb retire.
- 3. Add comma and mass noun Original: First of all fresh talents Suggested revision: First of all, fresh talent Why it matters: The introductory phrase needs a comma, and talent is uncountable here.
- 4. Use productivity term Original: improve the production Suggested revision: improve productivity Why it matters: Productivity is the intended measure of employee output.
- 5. Use concise verb Original: capable of doing work Suggested revision: capable of working Why it matters: Working expresses the same idea more naturally and concisely.
- 6. Use generic singular Original: workplaces Suggested revision: workplace Why it matters: The workplace is the conventional generic singular expression.
- 7. Name senior managers Original: higher authority Suggested revision: senior managers Why it matters: Senior managers identifies the people rather than an abstract authority.
- 8. Use favour preposition Original: of Suggested revision: from Why it matters: Favours received from someone take the preposition from.
- 9. Use natural obstacle phrase Original: a hurdle in a workplace Suggested revision: an obstacle in the workplace Why it matters: Obstacle takes an, and the workplace is the generic expression.
- 10. Fix prevent structure Original: keeps away other loyal and hardworking people to progress Suggested revision: prevents other loyal, hardworking people from progressing Why it matters: Prevent takes an object followed by from and an -ing form.
- 11. Use natural passive Original: will Suggested revision: can Why it matters: Can expresses the possible result of hiring new employees.
- 12. Add linking verb Original: will more supportive Suggested revision: will be more supportive Why it matters: The future adjective phrase requires be after will.
Suggested Rewrites
- reasons for which reasons why
- the old employee should take retirement older employees should retire
- First of all fresh talents First of all, fresh talent
- improve the production improve productivity
- capable of doing work capable of working
- workplaces workplace
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear agreement position and offers several recognisable arguments about energy, technology, workplace renewal, and dignity. Its main limitation is reliance on unsupported age-based generalisations and examples that do not establish why all senior staff should retire at 55, while frequent language errors strain clarity. Prioritise a qualified policy based on performance, succession planning, or voluntary retirement, then organise the arguments into paragraphs and simplify sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and several relevant reasons are offered, but they rely heavily on stereotypes and the schoolteacher example does not directly support compulsory senior-management retirement.
Develop a more defensible case around succession planning, voluntary incentives, and performance assessment rather than age alone.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of productivity, workplace relations, and dignity is recognisable, but missing paragraph breaks and unclear references weaken progression.
Give each main reason its own paragraph with one topic sentence, explanation, and directly relevant workplace example.
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss work, technology, and retirement, but frequent inaccurate phrases such as "fresh talents," "technological usages," and "retire timely" limit control.
Use natural terms such as "young talent," "use of technology," "senior roles," "retire at an appropriate time," and "preserve dignity."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The main argument remains understandable, but frequent errors in articles, agreement, verb forms, plurality, and sentence construction reduce clarity.
Correct forms such as "it benefits the company," "companies require people," "junior employees will be more supportive," and "young people."
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.