Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Nowadays the discussion about whether Deletethe businesses are supposed to set a retirement ageprescribe the retirement age at fifty-five to offer more job vacancies for the younger generationfor younger generation has become controversialhas become a controversy. Some believe that is a perfect attempt to support the young, others claim that this is not the case. Admittedly, encouraging the workers to retire at the age of fifty-fiveat age of fifty-five to free up positionsrelease the positions for younger job seekers has some merits. Firstly, fresh graduates are likely to bring a number of practical and applicable ideas to meet the current needs of the organisation. This is because they have been instilled and imparted the most updated knowledge and skills at universities. Secondly, having a larger proportion of young adults could enhance the workforceworking effectiveness and efficiency. Compared with older staffaged staffs, younger employees are often physically stronger and more energeticphysically stronger and energetic which enableenables them to carry out heavy workloadsworkload to meet deadlinesmeet the deadline. However, forcing senior employees to retiresacrificing the senior members to support younger workerssave the young workers poses several negative consequencesinfluences. OnFrom a personal level, it fosters a sense of unfairness between the older and younger generations. It is undeniable that every person within the business enterprise has the rightrights to continueprecede their work as long as they are capable of doing it, regardless of their age or physical capacitydisregard the age and physical capacity. From a social perspective, massively forcing the early retirement would be a financial burden on the local governmentone of the financial burdens of the local government. For example, sufficient pension payments and regular medical care should be given and arranged for the senior citizens after they have been imposed to terminate their employment permanently. In conclusion, even though the introduction of the early retirement has some benefits, it is convincing that it would generate a sense of discrimination among different age groups and increase the government financial pressure accordingly.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a balanced discussion and reaches a clear, relevant conclusion, with its strongest feature being the logical development of distinct benefits and drawbacks. Its main limitation is imprecise, sometimes unnatural language, compounded by the absence of clear paragraph breaks. Prioritise dividing the argument into purposeful paragraphs and replacing awkward collocations with precise, natural phrasing while maintaining the current line of reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the issue directly, considers credible advantages and disadvantages, and establishes a clear position by the conclusion.
State the qualified position explicitly in the introduction and support each main claim with a more specific example or consequence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through benefits and drawbacks, but the single-block presentation and some mechanical signposting weaken organisation.
Use separate introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably broad vocabulary communicates the argument, but frequent collocational errors and inappropriate word choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace forced phrases such as references to prescribing retirement or sacrificing workers with simpler, accurate workplace vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures, although recurring article, agreement, word-form, and sentence-boundary errors limit control.
Check noun forms, subject-verb agreement, and article use systematically while keeping complex sentences clearly bounded.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.