minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Sample Response
(Both men and women have an equal role)
Parenting is an extremely important factor for the proper upbringing of a child. While some people are of the opinion that women make better parents, others think that men can also be effective in parenting. I believe that there cannot be conclusions drawn in a generic sense relating to the gender – Men or Women. What matters most is the one who has the qualities of being a good parent; this can be either a male or female.
Women by virtue of having more patience, tend to handle children better during their infancy when patience is an important factor. Ensuring a balanced and nutritious diet for a child is again done better by women. For example, women are in a better position to understand what a child needs to take in the lunchbox for the school. Further, studies have indicated that imbibing the morals, values and ethics into a child during their growing up years is done better by mothers.
Men's contribution to a child's development is found to be more effective when it comes to imbibing discipline. This becomes important as the child's time management becomes a key to his overall behavioural traits and personality. For example, ensuring the child wakes up in time, spends the right amount of time on studies, indoor and outdoor games can be better enforced by a father. Studies also indicate that children who get addicted to one particular activity, for example, say computer games, tend to grow up as loners and whose ability to interact socially becomes limited. Men tend to have better ability to control these activities in growing children.
To conclude, it will be incorrect to draw a general inference that women make better parents than men. No two individuals are the same and everyone possesses their unique strengths. If that strength coincides with the quality required for effective parenting, they could make good parents regardless of whether they are men or women.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix passive structure Original: there cannot be conclusions drawn Suggested revision: no conclusions can be drawn Why it matters: The revised passive structure is grammatical and more concise.
- 2. Use natural phrase Original: in a generic sense Suggested revision: in general Why it matters: “In general” states the intended broad scope more naturally.
- 3. Clarify gender phrase Original: relating to the gender – Men or Women Suggested revision: based on gender—male or female Why it matters: The revision expresses the basis of the comparison clearly and consistently.
- 4. Keep forms parallel Original: either a male or female Suggested revision: either male or female Why it matters: The paired alternatives need parallel grammatical forms.
- 5. Set off inserted phrase Original: Women by virtue of having more patience, tend Suggested revision: Women, by virtue of having more patience, tend Why it matters: The inserted phrase needs a comma after the subject as well as before the main verb.
- 6. Remove article Original: for the school Suggested revision: for school Why it matters: The fixed expression for attending school does not take the definite article here.
- 7. Fix collocation Original: imbibing the morals, values and ethics into a child Suggested revision: instilling morals, values, and ethics in a child Why it matters: Values are “instilled in” a child, not “imbibed into” one.
- 8. Use concise phrase Original: their growing up years Suggested revision: their formative years Why it matters: “Formative years” is a concise and natural term for this period.
- 9. Reduce wordiness Original: is found to be more effective Suggested revision: is often more effective Why it matters: The shorter phrasing preserves the qualified comparison without an unnecessary passive construction.
- 10. Fix collocation Original: imbibing Suggested revision: instilling Why it matters: “Instilling discipline” is the standard collocation in this context.
- 11. Fix complement structure Original: becomes a key to his overall behavioural traits and personality Suggested revision: is key to the child's overall behaviour and personality Why it matters: The revised structure uses the correct complement after “key” and avoids an unclear pronoun reference.
- 12. Add article Original: have better ability Suggested revision: have a better ability Why it matters: The singular countable noun “ability” needs an article.
Suggested Rewrites
- there cannot be conclusions drawn no conclusions can be drawn
- in a generic sense in general
- relating to the gender – Men or Women based on gender—male or female
- either a male or female either male or female
- Women by virtue of having more patience, tend Women, by virtue of having more patience, tend
- for the school for school
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a clear equal-role position, gives each gender a focused body paragraph, and concludes with the useful principle that parenting quality depends on individual strengths rather than sex. Its main limitation is that much of the supporting discussion still rests on broad stereotypes about mothers, fathers, diet, and discipline; prioritise evidence-based examples of shared parenting competencies and refine several awkward grammatical constructions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and both parental roles are developed with relevant examples, but several claims generalise gender differences without adequate support.
Use examples of either parent providing care, nutrition, discipline, and emotional support to demonstrate why individual qualities matter more than gender.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two role-based body paragraphs, and conclusion create clear progression, although some examples become overextended or loosely connected.
Keep each body paragraph centred on transferable parenting qualities and remove the lengthy computer-game aside unless it directly supports the comparison.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of parenting and development vocabulary, but repeated misuse and awkward collocations limit precision.
Replace imbibing discipline or morals with instilling discipline or values, and use general conclusion, ability, and children as they grow naturally.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with some control, but article, punctuation, agreement, parallelism, and relative-clause errors occur regularly.
Revise faulty structures such as no general conclusions can be drawn, either a man or a woman, and children who become addicted may grow up as loners.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
minutes on this task: Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.