In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
In recent years, many small local shops have been forced to close due to the increasing popularity of large shopping centres. Personally, I believe that it is a negative development and in this essay, I will explain why the closure of small local shops is a negative trend.
The major negative consequence of this trend is that it leads to the loss of traditional culture and local character. Local shops are often owned and operated by people who live in the community, and they tend to offer unique goods and services that reflect the local culture and traditions. When these shops close, the community loses a part of its identity and becomes more homogeneous, resembling other communities that have also adopted the same large shopping centres and malls. For example, in a small town known for its artisan crafts and locally made products, the closure of traditional local shops in favour of large retail chains may result in the disappearance of authentic handmade crafts and unique cultural offerings, eroding the town's distinct identity and heritage.
Furthermore, the closure of small local shops has negative economic impacts. Small local shops typically employ local people, and the money spent at these shops often stays within the community. When these shops close, many jobs are lost, and the money spent at large shopping centres or malls often goes to large corporations that are not invested in the community. This can lead to a decline in the local economy and a loss of community cohesion.
In conclusion, the closure of small local shops due to the increasing popularity of large shopping centres or malls is a mostly negative development. This trend leads to the loss of traditional culture and local character and negative economic impacts. Therefore, it is essential to support small local shops and maintain the local character of communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant framing Original: Personally, I believe that Suggested revision: I believe that Why it matters: The adverb and reporting phrase duplicate the same personal stance.
- 2. Separate coordinated clauses Original: negative development and in this essay, Suggested revision: negative development, and in this essay Why it matters: A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction joining two independent clauses.
- 3. Avoid redundant emphasis Original: major negative consequence Suggested revision: major consequence Why it matters: The paragraph already establishes that the consequence is negative.
- 4. Use a clearer collocation Original: other communities that have also adopted the same large shopping centres and malls Suggested revision: other communities dominated by the same large shopping centres and malls Why it matters: Communities do not naturally adopt shopping centres in the sense intended here.
- 5. Avoid repeated wording Original: crafts Suggested revision: goods Why it matters: Using goods avoids repeating crafts later in the same sentence.
- 6. Tighten repetitive phrasing Original: authentic handmade crafts and unique cultural offerings Suggested revision: authentic crafts and distinctive cultural offerings Why it matters: Handmade overlaps with artisan, while distinctive expresses the intended contrast more precisely.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: has negative economic impacts Suggested revision: has adverse economic effects Why it matters: Adverse economic effects is a more natural formal collocation.
- 8. Improve sentence linkage Original: Small local shops typically employ local people Suggested revision: These businesses typically employ local people Why it matters: The demonstrative reference links this sentence more smoothly to the preceding claim.
- 9. Clarify intended meaning Original: large corporations that are not invested in the community Suggested revision: large corporations with little stake in the community Why it matters: Not invested can ambiguously refer to either financial investment or personal commitment.
- 10. Clarify the reference Original: This can lead to a decline Suggested revision: These job and revenue losses can lead to a decline Why it matters: Naming the two preceding effects gives the pronoun a clear referent.
- 11. Strengthen parallel structure Original: and negative economic impacts Suggested revision: and causes adverse economic effects Why it matters: Repeating a finite verb makes the two concluding consequences easier to parse.
Suggested Rewrites
- Personally, I believe that I believe that
- negative development and in this essay, negative development, and in this essay
- major negative consequence major consequence
- other communities that have also adopted the same large shopping centres and malls other communities dominated by the same large shopping centres and malls
- crafts goods
- authentic handmade crafts and unique cultural offerings authentic crafts and distinctive cultural offerings
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear negative position and supports it with two logically organised consequences, particularly a well-developed explanation of cultural loss. Its main limitation is some repetition and a less fully illustrated economic argument. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the second main idea with a specific, realistic example and sharper analysis of how redirected spending affects local employment and community cohesion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both negative consequences are relevant and substantially developed.
Develop the economic argument with a concrete example and a more detailed explanation of its community-level effects.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used clearly and unobtrusively.
Reduce repeated phrasing around local shops and community by varying references across adjacent sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise, and appropriately academic, with effective phrases such as artisan crafts and community cohesion.
Refine repeated key terms with selective paraphrase while preserving clarity and topic precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Polish occasional heavy sentence structures by shortening or restructuring long chains of clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.