In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Sample Response
In today's society, shopping is becoming an increasingly important and integral aspect of people's daily life. In many cities, large shopping centres and malls have been built, attracting a significant number of customers, causing the closure of many small local shops. In this essay, I will argue that it is a positive development.
Among the positive aspects of this trend, large shopping centres and malls offer customers a wide variety of products under one roof eliminating their need to waste time navigating through shop after shop in the streets. These modern malls have a diverse range of shops, from clothing to electronics, and restaurants, providing a one-stop-shop for all of their needs. This convenience factor can be especially beneficial for individuals with busy schedules or limited mobility, streamlining their shopping experience and providing a one-stop destination for their needs.
Moreover, large shopping centres and malls offer a more comfortable and enjoyable shopping experience than their small counterparts. They are usually air-conditioned and provide a range of facilities such as clean restrooms, seating areas and entertainment, which can make shopping a more enjoyable experience. Small local shops often lack these facilities, making shopping a less comfortable and enjoyable experience. The availability of entertainment options, such as cinemas or play areas for children, in large shopping centres also contributes to a more enjoyable and family-friendly shopping experience, attracting a wider range of customers.
In conclusion, the trend of customers shopping from large shopping centres and malls is a positive development even though it may cause the closure of some small businesses. These places provide a wide variety of products and services, a comfortable and enjoyable shopping experience, and help to stimulate the growth of the economy. Therefore, it is essential for city planners and policymakers to support the development of large shopping centres and malls in the community.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: aspect of people's daily life Suggested revision: part of people's daily lives Why it matters: This phrasing is more idiomatic and uses the plural form appropriate to people.
- 2. Clarify the range Original: range of shops, from clothing to electronics, and restaurants Suggested revision: range of outlets, including clothing and electronics shops, as well as restaurants Why it matters: The revision makes the list grammatically parallel and distinguishes shops from restaurants.
- 3. Remove extra hyphen Original: one-stop-shop Suggested revision: one-stop shop Why it matters: One-stop is hyphenated as the modifier, but shop is not joined to it.
- 4. Specify the needs Original: all of their needs Suggested revision: their shopping needs Why it matters: The more precise phrase avoids implying that a mall meets every kind of need.
- 5. Avoid repeated point Original: providing a one-stop destination for their needs Suggested revision: making the overall trip more efficient Why it matters: This avoids repeating the previous sentence's one-stop-shopping claim.
- 6. Separate facility types Original: facilities such as clean restrooms, seating areas and entertainment Suggested revision: facilities such as clean restrooms and seating areas, as well as entertainment options Why it matters: Entertainment is more accurately described as an option than as a facility.
- 7. Use correct preposition Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: People shop at a physical shopping centre, not from it.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: the growth of the economy Suggested revision: economic growth Why it matters: The concise noun phrase expresses the same meaning more naturally.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: In many cities, large shopping centres and malls have been built, attracting a significant number of customers, causing the closure of many small local shops. Suggested revision: In many cities, large shopping centres and malls have been built, attracting many customers and contributing to the closure of small local shops. Why it matters: The revision fixes the awkward chain of participles and makes the relationship between the two outcomes clear.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Among the positive aspects of this trend, large shopping centres and malls offer customers a wide variety of products under one roof eliminating their need to waste time navigating through shop after shop in the streets. Suggested revision: One positive aspect of this trend is that large shopping centres and malls offer customers a wide variety of products under one roof, eliminating the need to visit multiple shops along the street. Why it matters: The revision removes the dangling introductory phrase and correctly punctuates the result clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- aspect of people's daily life part of people's daily lives
- range of shops, from clothing to electronics, and restaurants range of outlets, including clothing and electronics shops, as well as restaurants
- one-stop-shop one-stop shop
- all of their needs their shopping needs
- providing a one-stop destination for their needs making the overall trip more efficient
- facilities such as clean restrooms, seating areas and entertainment facilities such as clean restrooms and seating areas, as well as entertainment options
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and supports it with logically organised explanations of convenience and comfort, using varied, generally accurate language. Its main limitation is that the development becomes repetitive and the claimed economic benefit appears only in the conclusion without support. The highest-priority improvement is to deepen each main argument with a distinct consequence or example and avoid introducing new claims at the end.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response clearly answers the question with a consistent positive position and relevant, extended reasons, though some support is repetitive and the economic claim is undeveloped.
Develop each reason with a distinct consequence or specific example, and do not add a new economic claim in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, but repeated references to a one-stop and enjoyable experience make parts of the argument feel redundant.
Make each body paragraph perform a more distinct role and replace repeated points with concise development.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic language alongside occasional awkward choices such as shopping from shopping centres.
Refine collocations and remove repeated expressions so the wording sounds more natural and economical.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used with good control, although a few long participial clauses and punctuation omissions reduce precision.
Check clause boundaries carefully, especially where participial phrases follow long main clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or a negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.