Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Sample Response
A large number of people argue that starting out to work just after high school is very beneficial of experiencing in the work environment, whereas the other believe that people will have brighter jobs as if finishing of university education. In this essay, I would like to discuss the two views and spread my own thought for the issue.
Many people say that applying to employ at workplace such as shops and companies after the school helps people quickly earning money and probably covering themselves. However, usually they just can approach at general or average wage levels as lack of professional expertise, so what is happening if they are marriage while their salary is just enough for their own life. Furthermore, they might be even in trouble when they get sick or entire.
People working after school can absorb real experience work from what they are doing. Nevertheless although we can be expert in our work, we are just good at one part of the entire production. In contrast, as completing university education, we can oversee a general whole picture so that we will come to better decision for our future jobs. It is usually to see that people who is graduated or higher education are obviously able to hold more important positions in companies, CEO and CFO, for example.
To sum up, even though each decision is likely to lead to certain upsides, working after completing advance education is far better for future job than the other does, because I think that learning path is hard, the life path is even harder.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct gerund Original: starting out to work Suggested revision: starting work Why it matters: The verb 'start' is followed naturally here by the gerund 'working'.
- 2. Fix complement pattern Original: very beneficial of experiencing Suggested revision: very beneficial for gaining experience Why it matters: The adjective 'beneficial' takes 'for' before a gerund phrase.
- 3. Fix plural reference Original: whereas the other believe Suggested revision: whereas others believe Why it matters: Use the plural pronoun 'others' to refer to the opposing group.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: brighter jobs Suggested revision: better job prospects Why it matters: 'Better job prospects' is the natural phrase for improved employment opportunities.
- 5. Fix time phrase Original: as if finishing of university education Suggested revision: after completing a university education Why it matters: Use 'after completing' to express the intended sequence clearly.
- 6. Use academic phrasing Original: spread my own thought for the issue Suggested revision: present my own view on the issue Why it matters: This replacement expresses the writer's intention in natural academic English.
- 7. Fix employment phrase Original: applying to employ at workplace Suggested revision: finding employment in workplaces Why it matters: The original combines verb forms and prepositions incorrectly.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: after the school Suggested revision: after school Why it matters: 'After school' is the standard expression when referring to leaving education.
- 9. Fix verb pattern Original: helps people quickly earning money Suggested revision: helps people earn money quickly Why it matters: 'Help' takes the base verb here, and the adverb is more naturally placed after the object.
- 10. Clarify financial meaning Original: covering Suggested revision: supporting Why it matters: 'Supporting themselves' clearly conveys paying one's own living costs.
- 11. Correct adverb position Original: might be even Suggested revision: might even be Why it matters: The focusing adverb belongs between the modal verb and the main verb.
- 12. Correct word choice Original: entire Suggested revision: retire Why it matters: 'Retire' expresses leaving work because of age, while 'entire' does not fit the meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- starting out to work starting work
- very beneficial of experiencing very beneficial for gaining experience
- whereas the other believe whereas others believe
- brighter jobs better job prospects
- as if finishing of university education after completing a university education
- spread my own thought for the issue present my own view on the issue
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response presents a clear preference for university education and uses a recognizable essay structure, with separate discussion of work experience and higher education. However, the supporting ideas are thin or unclear, and frequent errors in grammar and word choice regularly strain meaning. The highest priority is to develop each reason with a precise explanation or example while using simpler, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant position is given and both routes are discussed, but several ideas remain limited, unclear, or insufficiently supported.
Develop each main claim with a clear explanation and a specific example showing how it supports the final position.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is divided logically into paragraphs, although progression within them is sometimes loose and linking is occasionally inaccurate.
Use clear topic sentences and arrange each paragraph as one claim followed by explanation and evidence.
Lexical Resource
There is some topic-related vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several statements difficult to interpret.
Prefer familiar, precise combinations such as gain work experience and earn an average wage, and check word form carefully.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, verb forms, and sentence construction often reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences with controlled subject-verb agreement and verb patterns before combining ideas into complex forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people say that the only way to guarantee a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.