Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
With the advent of the Internet, advertisements, originally displayed only on TV, billboards, posters and so on, are becoming increasingly ubiquitous and commonplace for the general public. In my view, this kind of impact could be both crucial and, on a certain level, detrimental.
On the one hand, this phenomenon could denote that although we have already had a diverse range of advertisement, people are still capable of inventing innovative approaches catering for all kinds of requirements of advertising. It is a symbol that demonstrates the creativity rooted in human beings. Apart from that, it also represents that the speed of spreading information is conspicuously escalating. More purposeful is, therefore, the fact that, besides booming of the advertising, it constitutes a major reason why people could be so prosperous in this digital age.
On the other hand, there are various unpleasant consequences as well. Firstly, with the omnipresent advertisement, it could potentially cause people to do impulsive shopping. Secondly, the advertisement, if regulated in a mismanaged method, could make people constantly feel uncomfortable or annoyed. In this sense, instead of being an instrumental tool to promote amenities, advertisements could be considered a hindrance when people are frequently blocked by them. Furthermore, it would cost one precious time to have to sift the helpful ad from a host of others.
In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, advertising is a beneficial phenomenon for all with a number of insignificant drawbacks. I believe that in the future we can improve the way advertising is done at present, and embrace the positive influence of advertising even further in the long run.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: this kind of impact Suggested revision: advertising's impact Why it matters: The replacement names the subject directly and removes the vague reference.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: on a certain level Suggested revision: to some extent Why it matters: This is the conventional phrase for expressing degree.
- 3. Use a plural noun Original: advertisement Suggested revision: advertisements Why it matters: A range contains multiple items, so the count noun must be plural.
- 4. Use a concise collocation Original: requirements of advertising Suggested revision: advertising needs Why it matters: The replacement expresses the intended idea more naturally and concisely.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: a symbol that demonstrates Suggested revision: evidence of Why it matters: A symbol and a demonstration duplicate the same function here.
- 6. Use concise wording Original: the creativity rooted in human beings Suggested revision: human creativity Why it matters: The shorter noun phrase conveys the same meaning more directly.
- 7. Fix the reporting structure Original: represents Suggested revision: shows Why it matters: Represent does not naturally take a that-clause in this construction.
- 8. Use natural phrasing Original: the speed of spreading information Suggested revision: the speed at which information spreads Why it matters: The revised phrase states the relationship more idiomatically.
- 9. Choose a natural collocation Original: conspicuously escalating Suggested revision: increasing rapidly Why it matters: Escalating is awkward with speed, while increasing rapidly is precise.
- 10. Fix form and phrasing Original: the advertisement, if regulated in a mismanaged method Suggested revision: advertising, if poorly regulated Why it matters: Advertising is the appropriate uncountable noun, and poorly regulated is the natural construction.
- 11. Use the intended objects Original: promote amenities Suggested revision: promote products and services Why it matters: Amenities are facilities, so the original collocation does not express what advertisements promote.
- 12. Describe the disruption precisely Original: blocked Suggested revision: interrupted Why it matters: Interrupted accurately describes advertisements disrupting people's activity.
Suggested Rewrites
- this kind of impact advertising's impact
- on a certain level to some extent
- advertisement advertisements
- requirements of advertising advertising needs
- a symbol that demonstrates evidence of
- the creativity rooted in human beings human creativity
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a balanced position and organises its discussion clearly into benefits and drawbacks, with enough explanation to make the main line of thought easy to follow. Its main limitation is that the positive discussion often moves away from the prompt's specific claim about priorities and harmful effects, while imprecise phrasing weakens otherwise ambitious language; the priority is to develop directly relevant reasons in more natural, precise English.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A discernible position is maintained and both beneficial and harmful effects are discussed, but several positive points relate only indirectly to the prompt's central claim.
Build each main paragraph around a direct judgment about how advertising changes people's priorities or affects their lives, supported by a specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, although some referencing and linking expressions are vague or awkward.
Use explicit topic sentences and replace unclear references such as broad uses of 'this phenomenon' with the exact idea being connected.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a wide vocabulary and attempts precise formal expression, but recurrent collocation and word-form problems reduce naturalness.
Prioritise accurate common collocations, especially for advertising, information sharing, regulation, and spending, rather than selecting unnecessarily elaborate alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used successfully enough for meaning to remain clear, despite recurring article, number, and preposition errors.
Proofread noun phrases systematically for singular-plural agreement, articles, and dependent prepositions while retaining the effective sentence variety.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.