Over population of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
Overpopulation and negative effects of it are major concerns in cities all around the globe. There are many negative outcomes that the growing number of the population contributes and I think traffic congestion and rapidly increasing crime rate are two major drastic effects of overpopulation. This essay portrays the details of aforementioned two issues and suggests relevant solutions.
Undeniably, choking traffic makes the city life difficult. Industries, schools and hospitals are rooted in the city areas. Everyday commuters spend hours after hours in the traffic signals. For instance, professionals or school going children need to spend their precious time on the road because of bottleneck traffic. Firstly, this problem can be talked significantly by constructing new flyovers, roads and by encouraging the use of public transportation. Secondly educating the public about car-pooling or promoting public transportation would be another great step to address the congestion.
In addition, the crime rate is increased rapidly in urban areas. This is triggered by increasing unemployment and poverty. The government can control poverty by providing financial aid to the deprived community. Creating more job opportunities is another good and long term solution. Furthermore, the government should implement severe punishment for any sort of crime so that people think twice before committing any kind of crime. By these measures and by educating people, crime rate can be controlled to a great extent.
Putting everything into consideration, even though cities are well developed, crime rate and traffic issues deteriorate the city living and these two problems occur mostly because of the increasing population in city areas. Decentralisation and development of rural areas could keep a balance between the numbers of population in rural and city areas and effective measures could be taken by government and citizens to address the negative effects which are caused due to the over population in urban areas.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use possessive structure Original: negative effects of it Suggested revision: its negative effects Why it matters: A possessive determiner gives this noun phrase the correct structure.
- 2. Use an academic verb Original: portrays the details of Suggested revision: examines Why it matters: Examines expresses the essay's analytical purpose more naturally and concisely.
- 3. Correct modifier order Original: aforementioned two issues Suggested revision: the two aforementioned issues Why it matters: The determiner and number must precede the adjective in this noun phrase.
- 4. Remove unnecessary article Original: the city life Suggested revision: city life Why it matters: City life is used as a general uncountable concept here.
- 5. Use precise location wording Original: are rooted in the city areas Suggested revision: are concentrated in urban areas Why it matters: Rooted does not naturally describe the location of institutions in this context.
- 6. Correct time expression Original: Everyday commuters Suggested revision: Every day, commuters Why it matters: Every day is the adverbial time phrase, whereas everyday is an adjective.
- 7. Correct fixed expression Original: hours after hours Suggested revision: hours on end Why it matters: Hours after hours is not the standard expression for a prolonged duration.
- 8. Correct traffic collocation Original: in the traffic signals Suggested revision: at traffic lights Why it matters: Commuters wait at traffic lights rather than in traffic signals.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: bottleneck traffic Suggested revision: traffic bottlenecks Why it matters: Traffic bottlenecks is the conventional noun phrase for this meaning.
- 10. Correct word choice Original: talked significantly Suggested revision: tackled effectively Why it matters: A problem is tackled rather than talked, and effectively describes successful action.
- 11. Make list parallel Original: constructing new flyovers, roads and by encouraging Suggested revision: constructing new flyovers and roads and encouraging Why it matters: The coordinated actions need the same grammatical form after by.
- 12. Punctuate linking adverb Original: Secondly educating Suggested revision: Secondly, educating Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory linking adverb.
Suggested Rewrites
- negative effects of it its negative effects
- portrays the details of examines
- aforementioned two issues the two aforementioned issues
- the city life city life
- are rooted in the city areas are concentrated in urban areas
- Everyday commuters Every day, commuters
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response clearly identifies two serious urban problems and offers several relevant remedies, with logical paragraphing and sustained focus throughout. Its main weakness is that solutions are weighted toward government action while individual responsibility is only briefly addressed, and frequent awkward collocations reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop specific individual actions for both problems while using more natural verb-noun combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both problems are clearly identified and supported with relevant solutions, though individual action receives limited development.
Explain concrete steps individuals can take to reduce both congestion and crime, alongside the government measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into clear problem-and-solution paragraphs, and progression is easy to follow.
Avoid repeating closely related solutions and make each paragraph's internal sequence more economical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic, but frequent unnatural collocations and imprecise expressions weaken control.
Replace phrases such as hours after hours in the traffic signals and numbers of population with natural academic combinations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex sentences, but article, agreement, preposition, and clause-control errors remain noticeable.
Edit systematically for articles and prepositions, and simplify long concluding sentences to improve grammatical accuracy.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Over population of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.