Over population of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
There is a fact that a lot of obstacles were caused by overcrowded cities. What problems could it cause and how citizens should prevent these challenges will be covered in this essay.
To begin, the foremost problem engendered by overpopulation is traffic jams. People spend their precious time on standing in a long- distance stopper, especially when there is a peak time. For instance, my father in order to reach the centre of the city extends one and a half hour. Hence, men could anticipate this obstacle by making use of bicycles or bikes. It might solve the problem on the streets; also make people healthier and sturdier. In addition, governments should appropriate more funds on new roads and special paths for bicycles. For example, authorities in Moscow tend to build wide roads consisting of four lines, so that stream of cars could move faster.
The second but not least convincing challenge is the lack of educational constitutions such as schools and kindergartens. This is the most widespread problem all over the world. At the beginning when the child is only born, parents could not find a free place for him or her in state kindergarten. Hence, they have to spend more money on private one. Moreover, schools are always replete of students. It is sometimes hard to find a place. In order to prevent this obstacle government should build more schools in all parts of the city, not only in the centre.
To sum up, overpopulation in cities always was the serious concern of the countries. However, they were doing nothing to abrogate these challenges. In the future overcrowded urban areas can lead to the most deliberate problems.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix introductory clause Original: There Suggested revision: It Why it matters: The anticipatory subject it is required in this expression.
- 2. Use academic wording Original: a lot of obstacles Suggested revision: many problems Why it matters: Problems is more accurate here, and many is more concise for an academic essay.
- 3. Fix tense and cause Original: were caused by overcrowded cities Suggested revision: have been caused by overcrowding in cities Why it matters: The present perfect connects the continuing problems to their cause, which is overcrowding rather than the cities themselves.
- 4. Avoid excessive wording Original: the foremost problem engendered by Suggested revision: one of the foremost problems caused by Why it matters: The revision is clearer and avoids claiming that only one problem can be foremost.
- 5. Use accurate wording Original: men could anticipate this obstacle Suggested revision: people could alleviate this problem Why it matters: Alleviate means reduce a problem, whereas anticipate means expect it in advance.
- 6. Remove repetition Original: bicycles or bikes Suggested revision: bicycles Why it matters: Bicycles and bikes refer to the same vehicle, so one term is sufficient.
- 7. State effect precisely Original: solve the problem on the streets Suggested revision: reduce congestion on the roads Why it matters: The revision identifies the traffic problem precisely and avoids overstating that it would be completely solved.
- 8. Complete coordinated clause Original: also make people healthier and sturdier Suggested revision: it could also make people healthier and fitter Why it matters: The clause after the semicolon needs its own subject and modal verb, while fitter is the natural health-related adjective.
- 9. Use correct collocation Original: appropriate more funds on Suggested revision: allocate more funding to Why it matters: Governments allocate funding to projects rather than appropriate funds on them in this construction.
- 10. Use standard traffic term Original: stream of cars Suggested revision: traffic Why it matters: Traffic is the natural collective term for vehicles moving on roads.
- 11. Use clear signposting Original: The second but not least convincing challenge Suggested revision: The second major challenge Why it matters: The original signpost is grammatically awkward and obscures the transition to the next problem.
- 12. Correct word choice Original: constitutions Suggested revision: institutions Why it matters: Institutions is the correct word for organizations such as schools and kindergartens.
Suggested Rewrites
- There It
- a lot of obstacles many problems
- were caused by overcrowded cities have been caused by overcrowding in cities
- the foremost problem engendered by one of the foremost problems caused by
- men could anticipate this obstacle people could alleviate this problem
- bicycles or bikes bicycles
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies two relevant urban problems and offers plausible actions, with clear paragraph-level organization as its strongest feature. However, development is uneven, the conclusion does not consolidate the proposed solutions, and frequent inaccurate word choices and grammar errors make several sentences awkward. The priority is to express each problem-solution link in simpler, accurate language, then end by summarizing the specific actions governments and individuals should take.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Two serious problems are identified and relevant government and individual responses are proposed, although some support is limited or unclear.
Explain more precisely how each proposed action would reduce the named problem and summarize those solutions in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear problem-by-problem structure and broadly logical progression, though linking is sometimes mechanical.
Use references and logical transitions more selectively instead of repeatedly relying on formulaic connectors such as "Hence" and "Moreover".
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent miscollocations and incorrect word choices reduce precision.
Prioritize accurate common combinations, replacing expressions such as "educational constitutions" and "long-distance stopper" with natural terms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring errors in articles, tense, agreement, and sentence construction are noticeable.
Edit each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and consistent articles and verb tenses before adding complexity.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Over population of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.