These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Sample Response
The rising population in metropolitan areas has caused significant repercussions. This has resulted in the incessant spread of pollution and an escalation of poverty. However, there are several preventive measures that the government and individuals can implement to address these problems.
No doubt, an increase in inhabitants in a big city is accompanied by a rise in pollution. In cosmopolitan regions, there are impoverished groups who live in squalor. Some of them have chosen to settle in the city because they believe that they can easily find employment there. For example, in the Philippines, some poor individuals built homes in the boulevard of Metro Manila, thus contributing to the amount of waste. These people dispose of their rubbish anywhere, which pollutes the environment. In addition, this less affluent cohort has a large number of families. These members have personal needs, which cause a burden to the breadwinner of the family. Since the city has several educated workers the impecunious group often seems to struggle in searching a better employment. To illustrate, they cannot procure a decent job since they did not finish their education. Hence, these people will suffer from poverty.
However, it can never be denied that the government can implement platforms, which will mitigate the social dilemma, and people take initiatives to mitigate these issues. First of all, they can increase the number of employment offers in suburbs such as providing them with lands that can be cultivated. Therefore, impoverished people will not aggregate in the city. Secondly, the government can provide educational campaigns and programmes to these individuals. People who struggle in big cities can also decide to return to villages and start their lives there.
To conclude, the proliferation of pollution and the exacerbation of poverty are the negative ramifications of the rise of residents in the city. Nevertheless, the state projects and people's participation in them can curtail this social issue.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural pollution phrase Original: incessant spread of pollution Suggested revision: continuous increase in pollution Why it matters: Pollution is more naturally described as increasing than as spreading incessantly.
- 2. Use precise population phrase Original: an increase in inhabitants in a big city Suggested revision: a rise in a big city's population Why it matters: The revision expresses urban population growth more directly and concisely.
- 3. Match the task context Original: In cosmopolitan regions Suggested revision: In urban areas Why it matters: Urban areas is the more precise term for the locations discussed in the essay.
- 4. Fix location preposition Original: in Suggested revision: along Why it matters: Along is the correct preposition for structures located beside a boulevard.
- 5. Use precise quantity noun Original: amount Suggested revision: volume Why it matters: Volume more precisely describes the quantity of physical waste.
- 6. Use precise adverb Original: dispose of their rubbish anywhere Suggested revision: discard their rubbish indiscriminately Why it matters: Indiscriminately clearly expresses the careless disposal described by the writer.
- 7. Clarify the reference Original: These members Suggested revision: The members of these families Why it matters: The expanded reference makes clear which people have the stated needs.
- 8. Fix burden collocation Original: which cause a burden to the breadwinner Suggested revision: which place a burden on the breadwinner Why it matters: Place a burden on is the correct verb and preposition pattern.
- 9. Use precise workforce term Original: several educated workers Suggested revision: many qualified workers Why it matters: Qualified better describes the employment competition intended by the writer.
- 10. Fix verb pattern Original: struggle in searching a better employment Suggested revision: struggle to find better employment Why it matters: Struggle takes a to-infinitive, and employment is uncountable in this use.
- 11. Use natural job collocation Original: procure Suggested revision: secure Why it matters: Secure a job is the natural collocation for successfully obtaining employment.
- 12. Use continuing time frame Original: since they did not finish their education Suggested revision: because they have not completed their education Why it matters: The present perfect connects the unfinished education to the current employment difficulty.
Suggested Rewrites
- incessant spread of pollution continuous increase in pollution
- an increase in inhabitants in a big city a rise in a big city's population
- In cosmopolitan regions In urban areas
- in along
- amount volume
- dispose of their rubbish anywhere discard their rubbish indiscriminately
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly identifies pollution and poverty, develops their connection to urban migration, and offers actions for both government and individuals in a logical structure. Its main limitation is that some solutions are general or weakly connected to the stated problems, and ambitious vocabulary is frequently used in unnatural combinations. Prioritise explaining how each proposed measure directly reduces pollution or poverty, using more precise and conventional wording.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both serious problems are identified and explained, while government and individual responses are provided, though some proposed measures remain general or insufficiently connected.
For each solution, state whether it targets pollution or poverty and explain the expected practical effect rather than merely naming a programme.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion, with clear overall progression despite some heavy transitions and crowded development.
Separate pollution and poverty more distinctly within the problems discussion and use simpler transitions to highlight their individual causal chains.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates a broad topic vocabulary, but several ambitious choices and collocations are inaccurate or unnecessarily elaborate.
Prefer precise phrases such as 'settle in the city', 'find better employment', 'introduce programmes', and 'reduce urban migration' over strained alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is used and meaning remains clear, although errors in articles, punctuation, tense, and complementation occur with noticeable frequency.
Check article use and verb patterns in phrases such as 'on the boulevard', 'search for better employment', and 'provide land that can be cultivated'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
These days, overpopulation in many urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious problems associated with overpopulation in urban areas, and suggest ways that governments and individuals can tackle these problems.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.