In recent years some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in much higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the country sides. This situation may bring some problems for the country as a whole. What are these problems? How might they be reduced?
Sample Response
Over the past few years, a number of countries have enormously raised their economic status. Consequently, this has made the living standards of urban areas higher than the rural areas, which could bring some serious problems in the future for such countries.
First of all, it is a deniable fact that due to higher opportunities in studies as well as in employments, a large number of people from rural areas move to big cities. This phenomenon results in overpopulation and automatically makes the accommodations expensive. Another noticeable problem is the social gap between the urban areas and the rural areas. The rich are becoming richer and the poor are becoming poorer. This could lead to growing number of crime as villagers want an equal level of living standards as that of urban citizens.
Again, putting emphasis on developing urban areas is not a prudent idea by the government. In many developing countries, rural areas are still the base and root for the overall economy of the country while cities are getting the benefits of the modern development. This is an uneven distribution and would bring many negative effects. In the long run, the economic development would hamper since the rural people are deprived of the advancement.
Numerous methods can be taken by governments of these countries to overcome these problems. At first, all the basic needs such as hospitals, schools, universities, factories, banks and companies should be built in rural areas as well and their standards should be equal to as that of urban areas. Due to this, the people will have fewer reasons to leave their hometowns and migrate to cities. At second, there will be less competition in every field, so higher opportunities of employments and studies will be available.
Hence, in conclusion, although there are several problematic issues related to the economic development in cities, but in my view, the government can and must solve these problems as early as possible before they become unsolvable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural collocation Original: enormously raised their economic status Suggested revision: experienced rapid economic growth Why it matters: This is a more natural way to describe national economic development.
- 2. Wrong phrase Original: it is a deniable fact Suggested revision: it is undeniable Why it matters: The intended meaning is that the fact cannot be denied.
- 3. Unnatural collocation Original: higher opportunities in studies Suggested revision: better educational opportunities Why it matters: This phrase is more precise and idiomatic.
- 4. Uncountable noun Original: in employments Suggested revision: in employment Why it matters: Employment is usually uncountable in this context.
- 5. Natural phrase Original: makes the accommodations expensive Suggested revision: makes accommodation more expensive Why it matters: Accommodation is normally uncountable and the comparative form fits the meaning.
- 6. Noun form Original: growing number of crime Suggested revision: a growing crime rate Why it matters: Crime rate is the natural measurable phrase here.
- 7. Concise comparison Original: as that of urban citizens Suggested revision: as urban citizens Why it matters: The shorter form is clearer and less awkward.
- 8. Better transition Original: Again, putting emphasis Suggested revision: Another problem is that putting emphasis Why it matters: This transition signals a new problem more clearly.
- 9. Plural reference Original: by the government Suggested revision: by governments Why it matters: The essay discusses countries generally, so the plural form is more suitable.
- 10. Missing object Original: would hamper since Suggested revision: would be hampered because Why it matters: The verb needs a grammatical object or passive form.
- 11. Natural collocation Original: Numerous methods can be taken Suggested revision: Numerous measures can be taken Why it matters: Measures are taken to solve problems; methods are usually used.
- 12. Sequence marker Original: At first Suggested revision: First Why it matters: At first suggests a change later; first is the correct listing marker.
Suggested Rewrites
- enormously raised their economic status experienced rapid economic growth
- it is a deniable fact it is undeniable
- higher opportunities in studies better educational opportunities
- in employments in employment
- makes the accommodations expensive makes accommodation more expensive
- growing number of crime a growing crime rate
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response answers both parts of the question, identifies several national problems, and gives relevant government measures. Development is clear, though some points are general and the reduction measures could be more directly matched to each problem.
Link each problem to a specific remedy, such as rural investment for migration pressure and public services for inequality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing is logical and progression is easy to follow. Some connectors are mechanical or slightly inaccurate, and the conclusion repeats the position rather than synthesising the main answer.
Use topic sentences that name the problem or solution, then avoid overusing broad connectors such as again and due to this.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide enough for the topic, with terms such as overpopulation, social gap, and uneven distribution. Several collocations and word forms are unnatural.
Replace awkward phrases with natural academic collocations such as employment opportunities, housing costs, crime rates, and rural development.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is attempted and meaning is usually clear. Errors with articles, plurals, verb patterns, and linking clauses occur regularly.
Edit noun phrases for article use and check that each subordinate clause is attached cleanly to a main clause.