An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small towns?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that nowadays people are shifting to larger cities. There are several reasons and consequences of this moot issue, however, the government can play a vital role so that one can be rehabilitated into the small towns.
To begin with, people migrate to big cities to enjoy the facilities available over there and to secure their children’s future. Large cities are the places where various educational institutions are established. Moreover, more job opportunities attract the people towards the cities. Nonetheless, this moving of an enormous number of people creates problems. Firstly, the urban population would go on increasing, because of this, there would be the housing problem. Furthermore, this leads to the creation of underdeveloped slum areas. Secondly, in most of the cases, people in large cities might not obtain the job after several trials which lead to deterioration of their standard of living. The overpopulation is big cities would create more pollutions, would increase the crime rate and traffic congestion would become worse. Next, as the population in cities increases, the number of people staying in towns and villages gradually decrease. Because of this, there might be a situation when food harvesting steps down, this, in turn, produces food scarcity. Owing to all the above reasons it is clear that, the life of people in cities is highly stressful and problematic.
On the other hand, the government can change this situation of people in large cities. Firstly, the government should improve the facilities in towns so that people do not think of moving to cities in search of better life. This can be done by developing the transport system which interconnects different towns and cities. This encourages the establishment of companies that generates the employment for youth. Construction of schools and colleges in the towns and countryside will help the children to study well. Moreover, providing employment allowances would also be beneficial. The government should decentralise many industries and offices so that small towns create more job opportunities. A large portion of the national budget should be allocated for the development of rural areas.
In conclusion, I believe that it is the government’s responsibility to look after the welfare of its people. Hence, shifting of more people to cities could be checked by providing city-like opportunities and facilities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural movement verb Original: shifting Suggested revision: moving Why it matters: “Moving” is the natural verb for changing one’s place of residence.
- 2. Remove vague wording Original: available over there Suggested revision: available there Why it matters: “Over” is unnecessary and makes the reference less concise.
- 3. Streamline the clause Original: Large cities are the places where Suggested revision: Large cities are where Why it matters: The shorter construction is grammatically complete and avoids an unnecessary noun phrase.
- 4. Fix attraction phrase Original: attract the people towards the cities Suggested revision: attract people to cities Why it matters: A general plural noun takes no article, and the verb collocates with “to.”
- 5. Use the noun form Original: moving Suggested revision: movement Why it matters: “Movement” is the appropriate noun for this population shift.
- 6. Use consistent future form Original: urban population would go on increasing Suggested revision: urban population will continue to grow Why it matters: The direct prediction needs a consistent future form and a natural growth verb.
- 7. Generalize the noun Original: there would be the housing problem Suggested revision: there will be housing problems Why it matters: The general consequence requires a plural noun without the definite article.
- 8. Remove redundant modifier Original: underdeveloped slum areas Suggested revision: slum areas Why it matters: The meaning of “slum” already conveys severe underdevelopment.
- 9. Remove the article Original: in most of the cases Suggested revision: in most cases Why it matters: The fixed general expression is “in most cases.”
- 10. Use natural job phrase Original: obtain the job Suggested revision: find a job Why it matters: “Find a job” is the idiomatic expression for securing employment.
- 11. Clarify result clause Original: after several trials which lead Suggested revision: after several attempts, which leads Why it matters: The comma and singular verb make the clause refer to the preceding failure rather than to “attempts.”
- 12. Fix subject agreement Original: decrease Suggested revision: decreases Why it matters: The singular subject “number” requires “decreases.”
Suggested Rewrites
- shifting moving
- available over there available there
- Large cities are the places where Large cities are where
- attract the people towards the cities attract people to cities
- moving movement
- urban population would go on increasing urban population will continue to grow
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its comprehensive coverage of urban problems and concrete government measures, with a clear conclusion supporting investment in smaller towns. Its main limitation is linguistic precision: several causal claims are overstated, and frequent grammar and collocation errors make some sentences awkward. Prioritise developing fewer, better-supported problems while revising agreement, countable nouns, and natural policy vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses both questions, presents a clear supportive position, and develops multiple problems and practical government actions, though some causal claims are speculative.
Focus on two major urban problems and explain their mechanisms carefully instead of relying on broad claims such as migration causing food scarcity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problem-solution structure is logical and easy to follow, although list-like sequencing and some crowded sentences make progression less smooth.
Group related consequences under clear topic sentences and use causal links selectively rather than repeatedly numbering each point.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is adequate for urbanisation and public policy, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce clarity and naturalness.
Use precise phrases such as urban migration, housing shortages, air pollution, employment opportunities, and investment in rural infrastructure.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer uses both simple and complex sentences, but recurring agreement, article, plural, and sentence-boundary errors remain noticeable.
Check subject-verb agreement and countable nouns, then split comma-linked independent clauses into correctly punctuated sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
An increasing number of people choose to live in big cities. What problems will this bring about? Should the government encourage people to live in small towns?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.