The bar chart below gives information about four countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012.
Sample Response
The vertical bar chart depicts the spending patterns of Belgians, Spaniards, Austrians and Brits on six commodities in 2012. Overall, Brits spent higher amount for purchasing these goods while books, toys and cameras cost these nations higher than gaming consoles, outdoor gaming accessories and cosmetics did. As the data suggests, British spend just over 155 thousand pound sterling on console games in 2012 while other three nations spent between 145 to 150 thousand each. To buy outdoor sports equipment, English disbursed roughly 156 thousand, a close tie with that of Spaniards' spending. Austrians spent the lowest to have such accessories in this year. Moving further, people in Belgium and Austria purchased around 145 thousand pound's of cosmetics while this amount in Spain and Britain was roughly 10 and 15 thousand higher. It is worth noticing that Brits spent the highest amount to own these items in 2012 and their greater ratio of expense accounted for purchasing toys and cameras. Books cost more than 160 thousand to English while it was lowest for Belgians, somewhat 15 thousand less. These nations interest in owning toys and cameras showed a similar pattern and Austrians preferred spending for cameras more than they did for toys. British spend between 167 to 170 thousand for each of these two products and Austrian spent the least, approximately 145 thousand pound sterling.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix comparative form Original: spent higher amount Suggested revision: spent more Why it matters: More is the natural comparative form for an amount of spending.
- 2. Use spending preposition Original: for purchasing Suggested revision: on Why it matters: Money is spent on goods rather than for purchasing them in this construction.
- 3. Describe spending clearly Original: cost these nations higher Suggested revision: accounted for higher spending by these countries Why it matters: Goods do not cost a country higher, so the relationship must be expressed through spending.
- 4. Use noun and tense Original: British spend just Suggested revision: British consumers spent just Why it matters: British needs a noun referent here, and the 2012 data require the past tense.
- 5. Add definite article Original: other three nations Suggested revision: the other three nations Why it matters: The definite article is required because the three countries are already specified.
- 6. Fix range structure Original: between 145 to 150 Suggested revision: between 145 and 150 Why it matters: Between pairs with and, not to.
- 7. Name consumers accurately Original: English disbursed Suggested revision: British consumers spent Why it matters: English is not a suitable noun for all UK consumers, and disbursed is unnatural here.
- 8. Simplify the comparison Original: a close tie with that of Spaniards' spending Suggested revision: close to the Spanish figure Why it matters: The original phrase combines tie and possessive structures awkwardly.
- 9. Describe expenditure Original: people in Belgium and Austria purchased Suggested revision: Belgian and Austrian consumers spent Why it matters: The chart reports money spent rather than the quantity of goods purchased.
- 10. Remove apostrophe Original: pound's Suggested revision: pounds Why it matters: A plural unit does not take an apostrophe.
- 11. Clarify highest spending Original: their greater ratio of expense accounted for purchasing Suggested revision: their highest expenditure was on Why it matters: The original wording does not clearly express which goods attracted the most spending.
- 12. Identify British consumers Original: to English Suggested revision: for British consumers Why it matters: English cannot stand alone as a noun referring to the British population here.
Suggested Rewrites
- spent higher amount spent more
- for purchasing on
- cost these nations higher accounted for higher spending by these countries
- British spend just British consumers spent just
- other three nations the other three nations
- between 145 to 150 between 145 and 150
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response offers a useful overview and compares all six goods, correctly recognising Britain as the highest spender overall. However, it misidentifies Austria as the lowest spender on outdoor accessories and on toys and cameras, and recurring awkward phrasing reduces precision. Prioritise checking each country ranking against the chart, then edit nationality terms, verb forms, possessives, and spending collocations so the detailed comparisons are consistently accurate and natural.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers every product and gives an accurate overall trend, but it incorrectly names Austria rather than Belgium as the lowest spender in key comparisons.
Verify the lowest country for each product and report that Belgium is lowest for outdoor accessories, toys, and cameras.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows the chart's product order and comparisons generally progress clearly, although the single paragraph and some repetitive transitions weaken organisation.
Divide the details into two grouped body paragraphs and use topic-focused transitions instead of broad phrases such as moving further.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonably wide range of consumer-spending vocabulary, but nationality labels and collocations such as cost these nations higher and greater ratio of expense are imprecise.
Use consistent country names and natural phrases such as spent more on, expenditure was highest, and the amount spent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex forms, but agreement, tense, articles, possessives, and singular-plural errors are frequent.
Maintain past tense throughout and proofread forms such as the British spent, countries' interest, and pounds sterling.