The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009.
Sample Response
The column graph compares the male and female research students in a UK university in six science-major subjects in the year 2009. As a general trend, biology and medicine were preferred by both sexes while physics and astronomy were picked by male research students in this university. As is obvious from the given illustration, physics, astronomy and geology were mostly picked by the male research pupils while veterinary medicine as a subject was mostly preferred by females. While more than 200 male took physics, only about 40 female did so and a similar trend could be observed in the case of astronomy and geology. The highest number of students took biology as the number of students in this subject exceeded 400. Medicine was the second preferred subjects by the students of this university with exactly 200 male and about 175 female students. The only subject which got more female students than male was veterinary medicine in which more than 100 female enrolled compared to the just about 90 male students. The number of male research students in this UK university was approximately one thousand while it was about 550 for female.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct preposition Original: in a UK university Suggested revision: at a UK university Why it matters: Use 'at' for enrolment or study at an institution.
- 2. Use natural term Original: science-major subjects Suggested revision: science-related subjects Why it matters: This compound is unnatural and does not accurately name the chart categories.
- 3. Be concise Original: in the year 2009 Suggested revision: in 2009 Why it matters: The shorter time expression is clearer and equally precise.
- 4. Use objective phrasing Original: As is obvious from the given illustration Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: An objective reporting phrase is more appropriate than claiming the pattern is obvious.
- 5. Describe enrolment Original: mostly picked by Suggested revision: more popular among Why it matters: This wording describes the gender distribution more naturally without implying a choice process.
- 6. Use accurate noun Original: research pupils Suggested revision: research students Why it matters: University researchers are students, not pupils.
- 7. Remove redundancy Original: as a subject Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The context already identifies veterinary medicine as a subject.
- 8. Use noun form Original: only about 40 female Suggested revision: only about 40 women Why it matters: 'Female' needs a following noun here, whereas 'women' can stand alone.
- 9. Separate clauses Original: did so and Suggested revision: did so, and Why it matters: A comma helps separate the two independent clauses joined by 'and'.
- 10. Use direct wording Original: in the case of Suggested revision: for Why it matters: The shorter preposition makes the comparison more direct.
- 11. Describe chart data Original: The highest number of students took biology Suggested revision: Biology had the highest enrolment Why it matters: This wording reports the category total more naturally.
- 12. Give precise total Original: as the number of students in this subject exceeded 400 Suggested revision: with a combined enrolment of about 435 Why it matters: The bars show approximately 235 men and 200 women in biology.
Suggested Rewrites
- in a UK university at a UK university
- science-major subjects science-related subjects
- in the year 2009 in 2009
- As is obvious from the given illustration The chart shows that
- mostly picked by more popular among
- research pupils research students
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the dominant subjects, the broad gender contrasts, and several important figures from the chart, so the main patterns are easy to follow. Its principal weakness is data precision: the reported female total is substantially too low, and a few category descriptions are vague or slightly inaccurate. Prioritise checking every stated total against the visual and using more natural academic terms for participants and subject choices.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and relevant comparisons cover the principal patterns, although the female total is substantially inaccurate and some figures lack precision.
Recalculate the female total as approximately 660 and support the astronomy and geology comparison with their separate values.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses clearly from an overview to subject-level comparisons and totals, with generally effective connections despite its single-block presentation.
Separate the overview from the detailed comparisons and group the male-dominated subjects together before discussing biology, medicine, and veterinary medicine.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for comparison, but expressions such as 'picked,' 'research pupils,' and 'subject got' are imprecise or unnatural.
Use precise academic collocations such as 'enrolled in,' 'research students,' and 'was more popular among women.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a range of complex structures, but recurring number, agreement, and article errors reduce grammatical control without obscuring meaning.
Use plural count forms consistently, for example '200 men,' '40 women,' and 'Medicine was the second most popular subject.'