The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children.
Sample Response
The bar chart illustrates how Australian children, between 5 and 14, spend their free time. Their leisure activities are categorised into five different pursuits (Skateboarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games, and Art), and compared by the participation of boys and girls. Overall, it is noticeable that watching TV or videos is by far the most popular activity among Australian adolescents and rollerblading is the least common venture among them. According to the diagram, all Australian boys and girls are fascinated to watch videos or TV programmes and this is the most typical leisure activity among them. The second most favoured activity among these youths is playing computer games and 80% boys are engaged in this pastime compared to 20% fewer girls. In terms of riding a bike, more than 75% of boys do it in their free time while this ratio among girls is less than 60%. 'Art & craft' as an activity is more favourite among Australian girls than boys. The participation of girls in arts and crafts is somewhat double than that of boy's participation. Finally, skateboarding is the least traditional recreation activity among Australian children. Just over 20% of girls and less than 40% of boys take part in it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Age range wording Original: between 5 and 14 Suggested revision: aged 5 to 14 Why it matters: Use a concise age-range phrase.
- 2. Exact categories Original: Skateboarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games, and Art Suggested revision: skateboarding or rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV or videos, electronic or computer games, and art and craft Why it matters: Use the full labels from the chart.
- 3. Age-appropriate word Original: adolescents Suggested revision: children Why it matters: The chart covers ages 5-14, so “children” is safer than “adolescents”.
- 4. Wrong noun Original: venture Suggested revision: activity Why it matters: “Venture” is not natural for a leisure category.
- 5. Avoid overstatement Original: all Australian boys and girls Suggested revision: 100% of both boys and girls Why it matters: The chart gives a percentage, so state it numerically.
- 6. Missing preposition Original: 80% boys Suggested revision: 80% of boys Why it matters: Use “of” after percentages before a noun.
- 7. Comparison clarity Original: 20% fewer girls Suggested revision: about 20 percentage points fewer girls Why it matters: The chart difference is in percentage points, not percent.
- 8. Comparative form Original: more favourite Suggested revision: more popular Why it matters: Use “popular” rather than “favourite” as a comparative adjective.
- 9. Comparison structure Original: double than that of boy's participation Suggested revision: roughly twice the participation rate of boys Why it matters: Use “twice as high as” or “twice the rate of”, and avoid the incorrect possessive.
- 10. Wrong collocation Original: traditional recreation activity Suggested revision: common recreational activity Why it matters: “Traditional” does not fit the data meaning here.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Overall, it is noticeable that watching TV or videos is by far the most popular activity among Australian adolescents and rollerblading is the least common venture among them. Suggested revision: Overall, watching TV or videos was universal among both boys and girls, while skateboarding or rollerblading was the least popular activity. Why it matters: This keeps the overview accurate and uses the chart labels.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The second most favoured activity among these youths is playing computer games and 80% boys are engaged in this pastime compared to 20% fewer girls. Suggested revision: The second most popular activity was electronic or computer games, chosen by about 80% of boys and around 60% of girls. Why it matters: This gives clearer figures and fixes grammar.
Suggested Rewrites
- between 5 and 14 aged 5 to 14
- Skateboarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games, and Art skateboarding or rollerblading, bike riding, watching TV or videos, electronic or computer games, and art and craft
- adolescents children
- venture activity
- all Australian boys and girls 100% of both boys and girls
- 80% boys 80% of boys
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report clearly identifies the most and least popular activities and compares boys and girls across all five categories. Some figures are approximate and “all” overstates the TV/video category, although it is shown at 100% for both groups.
Keep the strong comparisons but use exact or clearly approximate percentages for each gender, especially for skateboarding and arts and crafts.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is well organised, with an overview followed by category comparisons. Cohesion is generally smooth, though some sentences could be grouped more efficiently.
Put the two male-dominated activities together and then contrast them with arts and craft, where girls lead.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, but some choices are unnatural for data reporting, such as “venture” and “traditional recreation activity”.
Use neutral terms like “activity”, “pastime”, “participation rate”, and “proportion”.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, but there are errors with articles, comparison structures, and possessives.
Check comparative phrases such as “twice as high as” and avoid possessives where a noun modifier is needed.