The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
Sample Response
The maps outline the changes that took place in a public park called Grange Park from 1920 to today. Overall, the park was changed and renovated to offer people more possibilities than they used to have decades ago such as a cafe, theatre, playground and parking. In details, the park was opened in 1920 and entertainment facilities including a larger stage and various areas for recreation have since been added to it. There was also notable relocation in terms of seats and the only areas that remained unchanged were the entrances and one minor garden. Besides, the fountain has been removed in favour of a rose garden with full seating arrangements around it. To the left of the new garden, the previous stage for musicians has been turned into a much larger amphitheatre facing the opposite direction that will allow for concerts in the park. This change has necessitated the removal of both seatings on the far left side as well as the rose garden in the bottom left corner of the map. Moreover, the pond for water plants was removed from the right -top part of the garden and a children's play area was introduced in the right-top of the park, and near this area, a cafe was built. Instead of the pond, a water feature has been built occupying the bottom right corner. Interestingly, the number of rose gardens was reduced to two. Besides, an underground car park was built in the lower right corner of the park.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Avoid redundant verbs Original: was changed and renovated Suggested revision: was redeveloped Why it matters: One precise verb conveys the overall transformation without repetition.
- 2. Name the purpose clearly Original: more possibilities Suggested revision: more recreational facilities Why it matters: The replacement states specifically what the added features provide.
- 3. Use map labels Original: cafe, theatre, playground and parking Suggested revision: café, amphitheatre, children's play area and underground parking Why it matters: These terms match the facilities labelled on the present-day plan.
- 4. Use fixed phrase Original: In details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: The standard transition is the singular phrase 'in detail'.
- 5. Specify the new facilities Original: entertainment facilities including a larger stage and various areas for recreation Suggested revision: new facilities, including an amphitheatre and a children's play area Why it matters: The replacement identifies visible changes instead of using vague categories.
- 6. Add required article Original: There was also notable relocation Suggested revision: There was also a notable relocation Why it matters: The singular countable noun 'relocation' requires an article.
- 7. Use precise seating phrase Original: in terms of seats Suggested revision: of the seating Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the relocation directly and concisely.
- 8. Identify unchanged garden Original: one minor garden Suggested revision: the north-west rose garden Why it matters: The plan shows specifically that the rose garden in the upper-left area remained.
- 9. Describe seating precisely Original: full seating arrangements Suggested revision: seating on all four sides Why it matters: The present plan shows seats positioned around each side of the central rose garden.
- 10. Use concise noun phrase Original: previous stage for musicians Suggested revision: former musicians' stage Why it matters: The replacement is a more concise way to refer to the earlier feature.
- 11. Fix modifier relationship Original: facing the opposite direction that will allow for concerts in the park Suggested revision: facing the opposite direction and used for concerts in the park Why it matters: The original relative clause wrongly suggests that the direction itself enables concerts.
- 12. Use countable seating areas Original: both seatings Suggested revision: both seating areas Why it matters: 'Seating' is uncountable, so separate locations should be called seating areas.
Suggested Rewrites
- was changed and renovated was redeveloped
- more possibilities more recreational facilities
- cafe, theatre, playground and parking café, amphitheatre, children's play area and underground parking
- In details In detail
- entertainment facilities including a larger stage and various areas for recreation new facilities, including an amphitheatre and a children's play area
- There was also notable relocation There was also a notable relocation
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear overview of the park's modernisation and covers nearly all major changes with specific spatial detail. Its main weakness is occasional imprecision, particularly the suggestion that the water feature directly replaced the pond, alongside some awkward wording and limited paragraphing. Group the changes by area of the park and distinguish the separate replacements in the northeast and southeast more exactly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview and detailed account cover the principal additions, removals, and retained features, with only minor spatial imprecision about what replaced the pond.
Clarify that the children's play area occupies the former pond area, while the water feature is on the former glasshouse side of the park.
Coherence and Cohesion
The description moves logically from the central and western changes to the eastern side, but one dense details paragraph and repeated additive linkers limit structural clarity.
Use two body paragraphs organised by the western and central changes versus the eastern changes, with fewer uses of besides and moreover.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise for describing redevelopment, although forms such as in details, seatings, and right-top are unnatural.
Use idiomatic map language such as in detail, seating areas, upper right, and facilities rather than possibilities.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a wide range of complex structures with generally good control, despite occasional article, number, and phrasing errors.
Proofread fixed expressions and countability, especially in detail, seating, and references to locations on the map.