The following diagram shows how greenhouse gases trap energy from the Sun.
Sample Response
The given diagram explains how sun emitted energy gets trapped in our atmosphere due to the greenhouse effect. It is evident that logging of trees and fossil fuel driven vehicles worsen the greenhouse effect. Getting back to the details, sunlight that reaches the earth surface creates heats and a large portion of this heat was supposed to radiate back to Space without any hindrance. However, this is not the case and a great proportion of heat energy remains on earth due to different greenhouse gases. Though some sunlight is reflected off our atmosphere for the presence of the white cloud in the sky, a large portion of the heat created by sunlight rays do not leave the surface. Tree logging is a reason for enhanced greenhouse effect as less tree means less absorption of CO2, which is the main gas of greenhouse problem. Another aspect that enhances the average surface temperature by contributing to greenhouse phenomenon is the fossil fuel. This fuel is used to run different water and Highland vehicles and is responsible for the increasing emission of carbon dioxide gas. It is evident that to reduce the average temperature which is basically generated by the greenhouse effect, we need more trees and less use of fossil fuels to drive our cars and ships.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix modifier structure Original: sun emitted energy Suggested revision: energy emitted by the Sun Why it matters: The passive participle phrase must follow the noun it modifies.
- 2. Use diagram term Original: logging of trees Suggested revision: felling of trees Why it matters: This wording matches the process shown in the diagram more precisely.
- 3. Hyphenate compound modifier Original: fossil fuel driven vehicles Suggested revision: fossil-fuel-driven vehicles Why it matters: A compound modifier before a noun should be hyphenated for clarity.
- 4. Use direct transition Original: Getting back to the details Suggested revision: In detail Why it matters: This concise transition introduces the process description more directly.
- 5. Add possessive form Original: earth surface Suggested revision: earth's surface Why it matters: The possessive form is needed to show that the surface belongs to the earth.
- 6. Use uncountable noun Original: creates heats Suggested revision: creates heat Why it matters: Heat is uncountable in this context and should not take a plural ending.
- 7. Clarify unreal outcome Original: was supposed to radiate Suggested revision: would otherwise radiate Why it matters: This form correctly describes what happens to heat when it is not trapped.
- 8. Use lowercase noun Original: Space Suggested revision: space Why it matters: Space is a common noun here and should not be capitalised.
- 9. Correct reflection description Original: reflected off our atmosphere Suggested revision: reflected by the atmosphere Why it matters: The diagram labels energy as being reflected by the atmosphere.
- 10. Fix causal phrase Original: for the presence of Suggested revision: because of Why it matters: Because of is the natural prepositional phrase for expressing this cause.
- 11. Match singular subject Original: do not leave Suggested revision: does not leave Why it matters: The singular subject a large portion requires does rather than do.
- 12. Use plural count noun Original: less tree Suggested revision: fewer trees Why it matters: Trees are countable, so fewer and the plural noun are required.
Suggested Rewrites
- sun emitted energy energy emitted by the Sun
- logging of trees felling of trees
- fossil fuel driven vehicles fossil-fuel-driven vehicles
- Getting back to the details In detail
- earth surface earth's surface
- creates heats creates heat
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response identifies the central greenhouse mechanism and covers the main roles of heat, carbon dioxide, tree loss, and fossil-fuel use in a generally logical sequence. Its impact is reduced by unsupported recommendations, some imprecise descriptions of the diagram, and frequent awkward or inaccurate phrasing. The highest priority is to report only the depicted stages and causes, using more precise noun phrases and consistently accurate sentence structures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear central overview and describes most major visual features, although some details are imprecise and the recommendations extend beyond the diagram.
Keep the conclusion descriptive and verify each claim directly against the visual, especially the depicted sources of emissions and the paths taken by energy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move from the energy process to the two human causes in a broadly logical order, but the single-paragraph structure and some repetitive transitions weaken organisation.
Separate the overview from the detailed process and causes, and use referencing to connect stages without repeatedly restating the greenhouse effect.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient topic-specific vocabulary to explain the process, but several awkward collocations and inaccurate word choices reduce precision.
Use standard combinations such as solar energy, radiate into space, fewer trees, and land and water vehicles, while avoiding vague expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences conveys the main meaning, though recurring article, agreement, number, and tense errors limit control.
Proofread each clause for subject-verb agreement and countability, and maintain the present tense when describing how the diagram operates.