The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.
Sample Response
The given figure illustrates the process used by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology to forecast the weather. There are four stages in the process, beginning with the collection of information about the weather. This information is then analysed, prepared for presentation and finally broadcast to the public. Looking at the first and second stages of the process, there are three ways of collecting weather data and three ways of analysing it. Firstly, incoming information can be received by satellite and presented for analysis as a satellite photo. The same data can also be passed to a radar station and presented on a radar screen or synoptic chart. Finally, drifting buoys also receive data which can be shown on a synoptic chart. In the third stage of the process, the weather broadcast is prepared on computers. Finally, it is delivered to the public on television, on the radio or as a recorded telephone announcement.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Stage grouping Original: There are four stages in the process Suggested revision: The process can be divided into four main stages Why it matters: This is a little safer because the diagram groups some steps rather than numbering strict stages.
- 2. More precise output Original: presented for analysis as a satellite photo Suggested revision: converted into a satellite photo for analysis Why it matters: Converted into more clearly describes the visual output used by forecasters.
- 3. Clarify input source Original: The same data can also be passed to a radar station Suggested revision: Radar data can also be passed to a radar station Why it matters: The diagram shows radar as its own source, not simply the same satellite data.
- 4. Display distinction Original: on a radar screen or synoptic chart Suggested revision: on a radar screen, while buoy data can be shown on a synoptic chart Why it matters: This separates the outputs more accurately.
- 5. Avoid final too early Original: Finally, drifting buoys also receive data Suggested revision: In addition, drifting buoys receive data Why it matters: Finally is better reserved for the broadcast stage.
- 6. Task wording Original: prepared on computers Suggested revision: prepared on a computer Why it matters: The diagram shows the broadcast being prepared on a computer workstation.
- 7. Clear referent Original: Finally, it is delivered Suggested revision: Finally, the forecast is delivered Why it matters: Naming the forecast avoids any possible ambiguity about it.
- 8. Parallel channel Original: on the radio Suggested revision: by radio Why it matters: By radio is slightly more concise and parallel with television broadcast.
- 9. Accurate channel Original: as a recorded telephone announcement Suggested revision: through a recorded telephone announcement Why it matters: This more clearly describes the final delivery method.
- 10. Concise signpost Original: Looking at the first and second stages of the process Suggested revision: In the collection and analysis stages Why it matters: This is shorter and more directly names the process stages.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: The same data can also be passed to a radar station and presented on a radar screen or synoptic chart. Suggested revision: Radar information is passed to a radar station and displayed on a radar screen, while data from drifting buoys is used to produce a synoptic chart. Why it matters: This distinguishes the radar and buoy pathways more accurately.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: Finally, it is delivered to the public on television, on the radio or as a recorded telephone announcement. Suggested revision: Finally, the forecast is delivered to the public by television, radio, or recorded telephone announcement. Why it matters: This makes the final stage concise and parallel.
Suggested Rewrites
- There are four stages in the process The process can be divided into four main stages
- presented for analysis as a satellite photo converted into a satellite photo for analysis
- The same data can also be passed to a radar station Radar data can also be passed to a radar station
- on a radar screen or synoptic chart on a radar screen, while buoy data can be shown on a synoptic chart
- Finally, drifting buoys also receive data In addition, drifting buoys receive data
- prepared on computers prepared on a computer
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately summarises the process from data collection to analysis, preparation, and broadcasting. It identifies the three incoming data sources and the three final broadcast channels clearly.
To push higher, mention more explicitly that the satellite, radar, and buoy inputs feed different analysis displays before the forecast is prepared on computer.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report is logically sequenced and easy to follow, with clear stage markers from the first stage to the final stage. Cohesion is effective, though the middle section is quite compressed.
Use a slightly clearer split between data collection and analysis so the three visual outputs are easier to follow.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is precise and appropriate for a process diagram, including collection, analysed, forecast, broadcast, and synoptic chart. Some repetition of data and stage language remains.
Vary wording with terms such as inputs, processed, forecast materials, and communication channels.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is accurate and controlled overall, with a good range of passive structures. Minor phrasing could be improved, but errors do not impede meaning.
Review article use and reduce occasional repetition in phrases such as three ways of.