The diagram below shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects up-to-the-minute information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts.
Sample Response
The illustration provides information about the process of collecting current and reliable weather forecasts and then broadcasting this to mass people which are conducted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology. As can be seen, this process needs some equipment to gather news forecasts and three main sources, such as satellite, radar, and the drifting buoy is used for collecting weather information. To begin with, the satellite is used to capture images of Australian weather from the outside of the planet. Meanwhile, radar can give screen pictures while a drifting buoy which is placed on the sea reveals a synoptic chart of the Australian climate. Subsequently, all of the information is analysed to know the real weather condition in Australia. After that, these data are put on the computer to prepare the report for the public broadcast. People will know the weather forecasts in Australia through various media, in particular, TV newsreader, radio, and recorded announcement.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Wrong object Original: collecting current and reliable weather forecasts Suggested revision: collecting current weather information Why it matters: The Bureau collects information in order to produce forecasts; it does not collect forecasts.
- 2. Natural audience Original: broadcasting this to mass people Suggested revision: broadcasting it to the public Why it matters: Mass people is not natural English.
- 3. Agreement error Original: which are conducted Suggested revision: which is conducted Why it matters: The process is singular.
- 4. Precise wording Original: needs some equipment Suggested revision: uses several sources of equipment Why it matters: The diagram shows specific sources and instruments.
- 5. Wrong data type Original: gather news forecasts Suggested revision: gather weather information Why it matters: The sources collect weather data, not news forecasts.
- 6. Plural agreement Original: is used for collecting Suggested revision: are used for collecting Why it matters: Satellite, radar, and drifting buoy are plural sources.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: outside of the planet Suggested revision: from space Why it matters: From space is the natural phrase for satellite images.
- 8. Diagram label Original: screen pictures Suggested revision: radar screen images Why it matters: The diagram labels this output as a radar screen.
- 9. Forecast data Original: synoptic chart of the Australian climate Suggested revision: synoptic chart of current weather conditions Why it matters: The chart is for weather analysis, not Australia's climate.
- 10. Preposition choice Original: these data are put on the computer Suggested revision: these data are entered into a computer Why it matters: Entered into is more accurate for preparing the broadcast.
- 11. Formal reporting Original: People will know Suggested revision: The public receives Why it matters: This is more formal and concise.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: The illustration provides information about the process of collecting current and reliable weather forecasts and then broadcasting this to mass people which are conducted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology. Suggested revision: The diagram shows how the Australian Bureau of Meteorology collects current weather information, analyses it, and broadcasts forecasts to the public. Why it matters: The original confuses weather information with forecasts and has grammar errors.
Suggested Rewrites
- collecting current and reliable weather forecasts collecting current weather information
- broadcasting this to mass people broadcasting it to the public
- which are conducted which is conducted
- needs some equipment uses several sources of equipment
- gather news forecasts gather weather information
- is used for collecting are used for collecting
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers the main stages of the process: data collection by satellite, radar, and buoy, analysis, computer preparation, and broadcast through TV, radio, and recorded announcements. Some details are imprecise, especially describing the sources as gathering forecasts rather than weather data.
Describe the sequence as incoming information, analysis and forecasting, preparing the broadcast, and broadcasting, using the exact outputs shown: satellite photo, radar screen, and synoptic chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence is logical and easy to follow, with appropriate stage markers such as to begin with, subsequently, and after that.
Make the stage links more precise by showing that all three data sources feed into analysis before the computer prepares the broadcast.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate but contains several unnatural or inaccurate phrases, including mass people, news forecasts, outside of the planet, and screen pictures.
Use technical but simple terms from the diagram: incoming information, satellite photo, radar screen, synoptic chart, analysis, and broadcast.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are frequent agreement and clause-structure errors, though meaning is mostly clear.
Check subject-verb agreement with compound sources and revise relative clauses such as which are conducted by.