The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the production of biofuel called ethanol.
The process of producing ethanol is cyclical, consisting of 6-7 stages. It starts with plants consuming carbon dioxide and ends with vehicles releasing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere.
Initially, plants and trees absorb energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide, which results in their growth. As they finish growing, they are harvested and transported. Then, plants are pre-processed by grinders. Consequently, a structure known as cellulose is derived from vegetation and processed in laboratories through chemical reactions. It forms substances known as sugars. Eventually, various microbes are added to the formed sugars and mixed to produce ethanol. As a biofuel, ethanol is subsequently utilised in different vehicles. For instance, cars, trucks, and planes use ethanol in their engines, producing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere. Eventually, the carbon dioxide is absorbed by plants and trees again. The process of ethanol production restarts.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Be precise Original: consisting of 6-7 stages Suggested revision: consisting of seven distinct stages Why it matters: It is better to state the exact number of stages shown in the diagram rather than giving an approximate range.
- 2. Academic vocabulary Original: pre-processed by grinders Suggested revision: pre-processed, which involves shredding or grinding Why it matters: The diagram shows a machine, but referring to it simply as 'grinders' is a bit informal. Describing the action is more academic.
- 3. Awkward phrasing Original: producing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere Suggested revision: releasing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere Why it matters: You do not 'produce' something 'back into' the atmosphere. 'Releasing' or 'emitting' is the correct collocation.
- 4. Repetitive transition Original: Eventually, various microbes Suggested revision: Following this, various microbes Why it matters: You use 'Eventually' twice in the same paragraph. Varying your transition words improves coherence and cohesion.
- 5. Clarify stage Original: Consequently, a structure known as cellulose is derived from vegetation and processed in laboratories through chemical reactions. Suggested revision: During the processing stage, cellulose derived from the plants is chemically broken down in a laboratory setting to produce sugars. Why it matters: The original sentence is a bit disjointed. Combining the extraction of cellulose and its conversion to sugar makes the chemical process clearer.
- 6. Break up long paragraph Suggested revision: Consider splitting the body paragraph into two: one focusing on the biological and harvesting stages (from plant growth to pre-processing), and the second focusing on the chemical processing and final consumption stages. Why it matters: A single long body paragraph can feel dense. Splitting it logically improves readability and paragraphing structure.
- 7. Excellent Overview Suggested revision: Keep this structure. Why it matters: The introduction and overview paragraph are excellent. They clearly identify the cyclical nature of the process and its start/end points.
- 8. Vary Process Verbs Suggested revision: Use verbs like 'convert', 'transform', 'ferment', and 'emit'. Why it matters: To reach Band 8.0+ in Lexical Resource, use more specific chemical and industrial verbs to describe the transformations.
Suggested Rewrites
- consisting of 6-7 stages consisting of seven distinct stages
- pre-processed by grinders pre-processed, which involves shredding or grinding
- producing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere releasing carbon dioxide back into the atmosphere
- Eventually, various microbes Following this, various microbes
- Consequently, a structure known as cellulose is derived from vegetation and processed in laboratories through chemical reactions. During the processing stage, cellulose derived from the plants is chemically broken down in a laboratory setting to produce sugars.
- Break up long paragraph Consider splitting the body paragraph into two: one focusing on the biological and harvesting stages (from plant growth to pre-processing), and the second focusing on the chemical processing and final consumption stages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers all key stages of the process, including the cyclical nature of the carbon dioxide loop. It accurately identifies the inputs (sunlight, CO2), the physical processing steps (harvesting, pre-processing, cellulose extraction, chemical processing into sugars, and microbial fermentation), and the final usage by vehicles.
To improve, ensure that technical terms from the diagram (like 'processing' and 'fermentation/microbes added') are described with slightly more precise chemical/industrial vocabulary.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized, moving chronologically through the cycle. Cohesive devices are used naturally, though there is a slight over-reliance on simple sequential transition words (Initially, Then, Consequently, Eventually).
Vary the transition signals by using adverbial clauses or participial phrases (e.g., 'After being harvested, the plants are transported...') instead of starting every sentence with a sequential adverb.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is appropriate and mostly accurate. Technical terms from the diagram are integrated well. Some minor improvements can be made to word choices to sound more natural and academic.
Replace repetitive or slightly awkward phrases like 'producing carbon dioxide back' with more precise verbs like 'releasing' or 'emitting'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The grammar is generally accurate with a good mix of active and passive voice, which is essential for process descriptions. There are only minor prepositional and structural slips.
Focus on prepositional accuracy and participle clauses to ensure complex sentences flow smoothly.