Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day.
Sample Response
The plans, A and B, illustrate the refurbishment of a health centre in two different years (2005 and the present). Overall, there have been massive changes in the health centre over the period given. The centre has clearly been enlarged and its layout has also been changed to meet the demand. In 2005, the main entrance was located in front of the health centre with 12 car parking spaces outside. From the main entrance, there were some seats along the hallway for clients to wait for consultation. At the end of the hallway, there was a reception desk for clients to register. In addition, an office and a consultation room were located on the left of the desk, and on its right, there were two more consultation rooms. Finally, a physiotherapy room was built behind the desk. In the present day, the layout of the centre has been revised. The main entrance is now situated in the left corner of the centre with a reception desk and an area for children to play. Meanwhile, there is a large common area in the middle of the centre for clients where seats are available alongside the wall. All original rooms and a newly added room called the minor operations room, on the other hand, are now allocated to the common area. Finally, the size of the car park increased by twice with 30 spaces.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove unnecessary commas Original: The plans, A and B, Suggested revision: Plans A and B Why it matters: The plan labels are essential identifiers and do not need parenthetical commas.
- 2. Use time points Original: in two different years (2005 and the present) Suggested revision: at two points in time, in 2005 and at present Why it matters: The present is a time point rather than a specific year.
- 3. Use formal description Original: massive changes Suggested revision: substantial changes Why it matters: Substantial is a more measured academic description of the visible changes.
- 4. Use concise term Original: car parking spaces Suggested revision: parking spaces Why it matters: Parking spaces is the standard concise expression.
- 5. Use uncountable seating Original: there were some seats Suggested revision: there was seating Why it matters: Seating describes the waiting provision more concisely and takes a singular verb.
- 6. Locate central waiting area Original: along the hallway Suggested revision: in the central waiting area Why it matters: The 2005 plan shows the seats in the central waiting space rather than along a separate hallway.
- 7. Fix purpose clause Original: for clients to wait for consultation Suggested revision: where clients could wait for consultations Why it matters: The relative clause and plural consultations produce a complete, natural description.
- 8. Remove unsupported purpose Original: for clients to register Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The plan labels a reception desk but does not show or state a registration function.
- 9. Use spatial preposition Original: on the left of the desk Suggested revision: to the left of the desk Why it matters: To the left of is the conventional phrase for relative position.
- 10. Use spatial preposition Original: on its right Suggested revision: to its right Why it matters: To its right is the standard expression for relative location.
- 11. Avoid implied additions Original: two more consultation rooms Suggested revision: two consultation rooms Why it matters: More could imply that rooms were added in 2005 rather than simply shown in that plan.
- 12. Describe location only Original: was built behind the desk Suggested revision: was located behind the reception desk Why it matters: The 2005 plan establishes location but does not show when the room was built.
Suggested Rewrites
- The plans, A and B, Plans A and B
- in two different years (2005 and the present) at two points in time, in 2005 and at present
- massive changes substantial changes
- car parking spaces parking spaces
- there were some seats there was seating
- along the hallway in the central waiting area
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a strong overview and describes the major layout changes clearly, including the relocated entrance and reception, added facilities, and expanded parking. Most spatial details are accurate, but saying the car park increased by twice is inconsistent with the rise from 12 to 30 spaces, and a few location phrases lack precision. Correcting numerical comparisons and sharpening spatial language would make the report fully reliable.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The overview and most key changes are well selected and accurate, with one notable error in quantifying the car-park expansion.
State that parking increased from 12 to 30 spaces and describe rooms as opening onto, rather than being allocated to, the common area.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report progresses clearly from the overall transformation to the 2005 layout and then the present arrangement.
Use separate body paragraphs and reserve contrast markers such as on the other hand for genuine contrasts.
Lexical Resource
A good range of map-related vocabulary conveys the redevelopment, although massive, allocated, and increased by twice are imprecise.
Choose exact expressions such as substantially enlarged, arranged around the central seating area, and increased to 30 spaces.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex sentences are used with generally sound control, but a few comparative and prepositional constructions are inaccurate.
Refine quantity structures by writing increased to 30 or became two and a half times the original size.