The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and 2010.
Sample Response
The pictures illustrate the development of the village of Stokeford that have taken place over a period of 80 years. In general, it is clearly shown that River Stoke and a bridge remained unchanged throughout the given period of time and many more houses had been constructed in 2010.
There were major changes in the village of Stokeford over the years. First of all, the shops located in the east of River Stoke were destroyed and more houses were built in 2010. The next noticeable feature is that the farmland in 1930 was demolished and it was converted into residential places with new roads being constructed. Furthermore, primary school was developed in 2010 and it was almost doubled in 2010 compared to 1930. Part of the gardens in 1930 was used for residential purpose by building more rows of houses near the main road. The left-over garden with a large house was then developed into a retirement home in 2010.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name visuals precisely Original: pictures Suggested revision: maps Why it matters: Maps is the precise term for the two plans of Stokeford.
- 2. Describe multiple changes Original: development Suggested revision: changes Why it matters: Changes more accurately covers the several additions, removals, and conversions shown.
- 3. Use past tense Original: that have taken place Suggested revision: that took place Why it matters: The maps compare two completed points in the past.
- 4. State dates directly Original: over a period of 80 years Suggested revision: between 1930 and 2010 Why it matters: The exact dates make the comparison more precise.
- 5. Use direct reporting Original: it is clearly shown that Suggested revision: the maps show that Why it matters: A direct reporting clause is clearer and more concise.
- 6. Use definite article Original: a bridge Suggested revision: the bridge Why it matters: The response refers to the specific bridge marked on both maps.
- 7. Remove wordiness Original: throughout the given period of time Suggested revision: throughout the period Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys the same time reference more naturally.
- 8. Clarify completed change Original: had been constructed in 2010 Suggested revision: were built by 2010 Why it matters: By 2010 correctly marks the endpoint of the construction shown.
- 9. Use descriptive transition Original: First of all Suggested revision: Notably Why it matters: The report lists map features rather than steps in a procedure.
- 10. Fix location phrase Original: in the east of River Stoke Suggested revision: east of River Stoke Why it matters: East of is the natural form for a location relative to the river.
- 11. Avoid unsupported cause Original: were destroyed Suggested revision: were removed Why it matters: The 2010 map shows the shops absent but does not indicate destruction.
- 12. Describe land conversion Original: the farmland in 1930 was demolished Suggested revision: the farmland was replaced Why it matters: Land is replaced or converted rather than demolished.
Suggested Rewrites
- pictures maps
- development changes
- that have taken place that took place
- over a period of 80 years between 1930 and 2010
- it is clearly shown that the maps show that
- a bridge the bridge
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects nearly all major changes and provides a clear overview, with the extensive residential expansion described particularly well. Its main limitation is imprecise language for map changes, such as describing farmland as demolished, alongside several agreement and article errors. The highest priority is to report each feature with precise change verbs and briefly note the unchanged post office to make the coverage fully accurate.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate coverage of most major changes are provided, although the unchanged post office is omitted and a few descriptions are imprecise.
Include the post office among the unchanged features and distinguish precisely between removal, conversion, expansion, and redevelopment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically from the overview to the principal changes, with effective linking despite somewhat mechanical sequencing.
Group related residential changes together and use fewer formulaic transitions such as first of all and furthermore.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of map vocabulary, but choices such as demolished farmland, residential places, and left-over garden lack precision.
Use accurate map-change collocations such as converted into housing, expanded, remained, and redeveloped as a retirement home.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the changes clearly, though agreement, articles, tense, and passive forms contain recurring errors.
Check subject-verb agreement and articles, especially in phrases such as the development has, the primary school, and for residential purposes.
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