Children in some parts of the world today have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
[Overall, it is a negative development.] Children in certain regions of the world nowadays bear less obligation when compared to their counterparts in the past. While some people view this change positively, others perceive it as a negative change. From my perspective, I believe that it is a negative change because children need to be responsible for their actions, which will prepare them for adulthood.
Firstly, having responsibilities teaches children discipline and accountability. When children are given chores, such as cleaning their room or doing laundry, they learn to take ownership of their actions and become accountable for them. This sense of responsibility can help them in the future when they are required to take care of themselves, their families, and even their careers. For example, a study conducted in the United States found that children who were given responsibilities at an early age were more successful in their careers and were more likely to be independent adults.
Secondly, having responsibilities also helps children develop self-esteem and confidence. When children are given tasks and responsibilities, they feel trusted and valued. This sense of accomplishment builds their self-esteem and confidence, which will help them face challenges in the future. For instance, in many Asian and African countries, children are given the responsibility of herding cattle or taking care of their younger siblings. This responsibility teaches them valuable life skills, such as leadership and decision-making, which help build their confidence.
In conclusion, children having less responsibility compared to the past is a negative shift. Giving children responsibilities teaches them discipline, accountability, self-esteem, and confidence. As such, parents, teachers, and society at large should give children more responsibilities to prepare them for the future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove bracketed note Original: [Overall, it is a negative development.] Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The bracketed editorial note is not part of a polished essay introduction.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: bear less obligation Suggested revision: have fewer responsibilities Why it matters: Responsibilities is the natural count noun for duties assigned to children.
- 3. Fix preposition Original: the responsibility of herding cattle Suggested revision: responsibility for herding cattle Why it matters: Responsibility for is the standard construction before a gerund.
- 4. Use count form Original: children having less responsibility Suggested revision: children having fewer responsibilities Why it matters: Fewer and the plural noun are appropriate for multiple duties.
- 5. Tighten comparison Original: when compared to Suggested revision: than Why it matters: Than forms the comparison more directly after fewer responsibilities.
- 6. Name the comparison Original: their counterparts in the past Suggested revision: children in the past Why it matters: Repeating children is clearer than using the abstract noun counterparts here.
- 7. Reduce repetition Original: perceive it as a negative change Suggested revision: regard it negatively Why it matters: The revision avoids repeating change while preserving the contrast.
- 8. Remove doubled stance Original: From my perspective, I believe that Suggested revision: I believe that Why it matters: Both opening phrases signal the writer's viewpoint, so one is sufficient.
- 9. Clarify the link Original: responsible for their actions, which will prepare them Suggested revision: responsible for their actions, as this will prepare them Why it matters: As this makes the causal link to preparation for adulthood clearer.
- 10. Use concise signpost Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First is a more concise sequencing marker in this context.
- 11. Reduce accountability repetition Suggested revision: Merge the two statements about taking ownership and accountability before moving to future benefits. Why it matters: This would make the paragraph progress more directly from the chore example to its later effects.
- 12. Clarify example sequence Suggested revision: Keep the chores example focused on accountability, then use the study only to close the point about adult independence. Why it matters: Giving each example a distinct place would make the progression easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- [Overall, it is a negative development.] Delete
- bear less obligation have fewer responsibilities
- the responsibility of herding cattle responsibility for herding cattle
- children having less responsibility children having fewer responsibilities
- when compared to than
- their counterparts in the past children in the past
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay maintains a clear negative position and develops two relevant benefits of responsibility with focused explanations and examples. Its main limitation is some repetition of responsibility, confidence, and future outcomes, along with a few imprecise expressions that make the argument less incisive. The highest priority is to deepen the causal analysis of each benefit and vary the language used to connect childhood duties with adult independence.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
A clear position is sustained throughout, and the two main reasons are relevant, extended, and supported with concrete examples.
Strengthen the analysis by explaining more precisely how reduced responsibility produces the disadvantages discussed, rather than mainly describing the benefits of having duties.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organised into focused paragraphs with clear progression, though some referencing and repeated sentence patterns are slightly mechanical.
Vary the links between examples, immediate effects, and long-term outcomes instead of repeatedly using this sense and this responsibility.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective terms such as accountability, accomplishment, leadership, and decision-making despite some repetition and minor imprecision.
Replace bear less obligation and take care of their careers with more natural wording, and vary repeated uses of responsibility and confidence.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, with most sentences error-free and only minor non-impeding lapses.
Refine a few compressed noun-clause constructions and check reference clarity in relative clauses to make the syntax consistently polished.
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